[Living_Dazed]

Hi Friends,

It's been almost nine months since my injury. I have a mild TBI. I have vestibular damage with balance issues, hypercusis, cognitive and memory issues, PTSD, the base of the skull pain (can't think of the name) and had a nerve block but its wearing off. PT migraines, nausea, major brain fatigue when over stimulated (I have to sleep), and I'm just not me.

With it being back to school time I am finding it hard to accept that I'm not going back. I love teaching, I was put on earth to be a mom and a teacher.

How do you know when you can go back. I've been saying I'm ready since a month after my accident. I haven't gained all self awareness back and I am starting to think I'm in denial about my injury. I miss working and being a productive member of society. I miss being me.

Is there anyone that sees their injury and abilities clearly? Sometimes I want to scream at everyone that I'm fine, especially days with little pain. In my mind I think if I don't feel pain then everything should be fixed. I should be healed.

I miss driving and ENJOYING being in public. I go but I don't like it. It's tiring to my brain. Everything is toooooooo loud. I wear earplugs...my ear canals hate me. I think they are going to choose to close up. I miss my independence and my memory.

I don't like to cook anymore. Directions are hard and I forget I'm cooking if I leave the kitchen or get distracted. Many burned items.

I also find that it's easier to type my thoughts than speak them. My speech slows andi search for words.

I am having Neuro testing soon and do cognitive and o.t. I will start physical t for my neck soon.

My thoughts are all over the place tonight.

I'm thankful for all of you. Other people don't really get what we go through. I used to be so much more than this.

Jace