***This is long, but I'd appreciate it if you read through it.***

I was hesitant to post about this because for one, it's embarrassing. And two, I don't want people to think I'm just whining or over-exaggerating. At this point, I don't care. Hopefully someone here can either relate or have some useful advice for me.

Everyday I am foggy and have trouble concentrating, thinking, talking and doing anything. I can't do ANYTHING - no TV, talking more than a few sentences to someone, no more than 15 minutes on the computer, can't even go for walks...This is normal for me. Even if I lock myself in my room all day staring at the ceiling, not talking to anyone (which is what I usually do anyways). Yesterday, about an hour before I got picked up for bible study...I suddenly became more foggy than I've ever been since the injury. I could barely talk. I got picked up by the guy who runs the bible study...and the whole ride he was talking to me and I couldn't keep up with what he was saying AT ALL. He just kept looking over at me, waiting on a response..but I couldn't say anything. The fog was getting worse and worse to the point I could barely move.

I managed to get out "I don't feel good, I'm very foggy."...He knows about the head injury, we all pray about it every time I go to bible study...so he kind of understood. We get to the place my ex-fiance and the kids are staying (we were picking them up for bible study) and I get out the car...I could barely walk. As I was going up the stairs my heart rate increased to what I believe had to be over 100 BPM. We get back in the car and it's getting worse and worse, to the point I feel like I'm going to fade out.

We get to the "House of Peace", the place we have bible study...and when I walked in, the guy's wife looked at me and said "Are you okay?"...I guess how I was feeling was written all over my face....BLANK. It's like she had some sort of radar that detected how I was feeling. All I could say is "No."..They kept asking me what's wrong, I could only shake my head....Heart rate increased back to over 100 BPM and I thought I was having a panic attack, so I ran to the kitchen and took a Xanax.

Things got worse after that...I walked to the bathroom like a zombie, splashed water on my face...that didn't work...I looked in the mirror and could barely recognize my own face. I knew it was something serious. The only way I can explain how I felt is "I felt like I was fading away, like I wasn't going to know who I am anymore."...When I came out the bathroom, everyone was staring at me...they were talking to me but I couldn't understand what they were saying...According to them I became unresponsive. I remember them all standing around me praying.

Next thing I know, we're on the way to the ER. Once I was at the ER, the fog began to lift little by little. They took my blood pressure, which was 160/something....I forget...it was high...which is what my blood pressure has been since the injury. They ran blood tests, they came back okay...and they sent me on my way. After leaving the ER, the fog completely lifted and I felt something that I hadn't felt since before the injury. Normal. It was awesome...I said a prayer and thanked God for giving my brain the ability to feel normal, even if it was short lived.

When I woke up today...I thought it was gonna be a good day. I kept a positive attitude, tried to stay away from obsessively reading posts on here and keep away from stimulation. As the day progressed, the fog started to come back and it became worse and worse, like it did yesterday.

I had an appointment yesterday for an MRI that was requested by the new neurologist. I didn't go...didn't think it was necessary. When I started feeling like I did yesterday, I called and rescheduled for today. I didn't go because when I woke up I was fine and thought that yesterday was just a PCS "episode" that I was having.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is...besides letting everyone know what I'm dealing with in my life right now...should I get the MRI done...just to be safe? I'm at war with myself whether I should do it or not. Honestly...honestly...I feel as though I'm not recovering at all. In fact, I feel like I'm getting worse. And that's not just the anxiety talking. I used to be able to watch at least 30 minutes of TV without becoming a space cadet. Now I can't watch it for more than 5 seconds. I don't even bother turning it on anymore. Computer time...used to be able to sit here for hours before I felt foggy. Now, 5 minutes. My driving skills get worse every time I hop in the car. When I say used to, I'm talking like a month or two ago. And I'm 7 months out from my injury. Things should be getting better, not worse? Right? Especially since I'm resting and doing everything that's ever been suggested here on this forum.

I'm doing everything I can to improve my recovery. I kicked my ex-fiance and her son out (big stress relief), I'm getting plenty of rest (8+ hours of sleep at night). I go for walks, take my vitamins everyday, occasionally have a short conversation on the phone and small talk with the family to keep up with my social skills (but they still suck 80% of the time)...I'm going to my appointments, I'm taking medicine for anxiety (though it's not working much)...I'm trying to stay positive...Everyday I wake up and thank the Lord for another day and declare VICTORY (telling myself it's going to be a good day). No TV (can't watch it anyways), no video games...I don't know what else to do...I tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, HA, that was a joke. I couldn't even keep up with what the guy was talking about. I was a space cadet after his first question...and then he just stared at me, waiting for me to say something...but I was BLANK. Didn't go back......I'm on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.

I scheduled an appointment with the Lied Clinic to get my Sinusitis taken care of...in case that can be the cause of worsening symptoms (doubt it, but worth a try). Also going to see if they can give me something for blood pressure, since it's been consistently high.

What else can I do? I know the answer...nothing. There is nothing else I can do but wait. I've tried for so long to just keep cool and wait it out, but with the way things are going now..I've lost my bearing. The more I lay around in my room and do nothing, the more my anxiety eats away at me (no matter how much I try to avoid it) and makes my symptoms worse. The more I do, the worse my symptoms are. It's a Catch 22.

I've been suggested to not pay any attention to my symptoms, as it will make them worse...but my symptoms are so severe, it has taken over my life...it's kind of hard to ignore this very, very uncomfortable feeling that is there all day, 24/7. It is absolute TORTURE!!!...What you see listed in my signature is what I deal with on a daily basis...not just one or two of them, everything there (well, except panic attacks..those happen like once every week or two). I've developed ways to work around some of my flaws, but not all of the symptoms can be dealt with in that way.

I want to give thanks to everyone here on this forum that's ever posted any useful information, suggestion and story as this place has been my hang out and place to vent since October. You guys are awesome.

I'm done now, thank you for reading.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering like this. I'll write my response in short, numbered points to help you follow it.

1. My experience has been very similar. I spend half the day sitting around in the dark, either meditating or just lying around, until I'm so depressed I can't stand it anymore. Then I have to be active, and almost any sort of activity aggravates my symptoms.

2. My main symptoms are light and sound sensitivity, dizziness, headaches, and some brain fog.

3. I've been injured just over a year, and many of my symptoms have gotten worse. I relapsed in August and that is when the light sensitivity started. It is worse now than it was then, as is my sound sensitivity.

4. I'm also doing multiple forms of therapy.

5. Have you tried deep massage of the neck and shoulders, and/or myofacial release? It might help.

6. Ask you psychiatrist about trying a different anti-anxiety med, such as Clonazepam. It's possible that you'll get more benefit than you're getting from the Xanax.

7. Don't give up, dude. I know how scary it is when several months after the accident things are getting worse. Even if the only thing on your side is time, in five years you will look back and be so glad that you stuck it out and didn't give up.

Pete

Thank you for reading, responding and making it easier for me to read.

What happens when the lights or sound bother you, besides a headache? I get pressure in my head and face and I get really foggy and slow....and it just bothers the heck out of me.

Can you watch TV with no problems? I can't...which upsets me because I've got a nice Sony LCD with hundreds of channels that I can't even watch...or I become an instant space cadet.

What kind of therapy are you doing?

My psychiatrist won't prescribe me any narcotic medicine. My anxiety is severe, no anti-depressant is going to fix it...The only thing I've tried that has worked so far is Ativan or Xanax...I'm ordering some Theanine next week to see if that helps.

Haven't gotten a professional massage yet, can't afford it. Not sure what myofacial is??

And thanks, I'm not going to give up...if it wasn't for my son I probably would of drank myself to oblivion or checked myself in to a mental facility and let them dope me up on anti-psychotics.

[What happens when the lights or sound bother you, besides a headache? I get pressure in my head and face and I get really foggy and slow....and it just bothers the heck out of me.]

It's like if you're taking a nap and someone turns a bright light on right in your face, or you walk outside on a sunny day right after it snows...it just feels way too bright. But yeah, it also exacerbates all my other symptoms, including headaches, sound sensitivity, dizziness, fatigue, brain fog, etc.

[Can you watch TV with no problems? I can't...which upsets me because I've got a nice Sony LCD with hundreds of channels that I can't even watch...or I become an instant space cadet.]

No, that causes me problems, especially if there is a lot of movement on the screen. If I wear sunglasses and put colored (transparent) plastic sheets over my computer screen (and dim it), I can watch some things on Netflix, but I still can't watch very much...mostly because of the light sensitivity, but also because of difficulties with visual tracking and overstimulation.

[What kind of therapy are you doing?]

Lots of supplements, acupuncture, massage, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and just really taking it easy. I do get some walking in every day and do some brain work, as I've heard that it's best to do something if you can; I just have to take a lot of long breaks.

[My psychiatrist won't prescribe me any narcotic medicine. My anxiety is severe, no anti-depressant is going to fix it...The only thing I've tried that has worked so far is Ativan or Xanax...I'm ordering some Theanine next week to see if that helps.]

Clonazepam is a benzo, not a narcotic. It's longer-lasting than Xanax (I'm not sure about Atavan).

[Haven't gotten a professional massage yet, can't afford it. Not sure what myofacial is??]

Basically it's a form of massage where they work closely with the face and muscles surrounding it.

[And thanks, I'm not going to give up...if it wasn't for my son I probably would of drank myself to oblivion or checked myself in to a mental facility and let them dope me up on anti-psychotics.]

Good for you. I've been handling this **** alone, and it's nearly unbearable. I'll be moving back with my family in about four months, where I'll have much better support. They're always supportive, but there's only so much they can do from 250 miles away.

Pete

A few corrections. Benzo's are often considered narcotics, even though they are not opioids.

Myofacial release does not relate to the face. It relates to the facia or covering of nervous fibers. Myofacial release can be performed on the face of just about any other area of the body.

Nick,

I think you may finally be heading down the right path. Asking for something to control your blood pressure will be much better for you than taking benzo's, whether Xanax (alprazolam), Ativan (lorazepam), or Klonopin (clonazepam).

If you had a propanolol (Inderal) or something similar to take when you were struggling with the high BP and pulse, it likely would have resolved your symptoms.

I doubt your pulse was only 100 bpm. I bet it was more like 160 bpm.

Do you have a home blood pressure kit yet?

You need to be able to take your own blood pressure and pulse. No more guessing what the strange feelings are. Knowing your BP is high and that you can take a BP lowering med will go a long way to help reduce your cognitive anxiety.

Knowledge is power. Knowing your BP and pulse will empower you with understanding.

The constant talking in the car could have been a big part of your problem. You need peace and quiet. Speak up for yourself. Even if your friend knows of your injury, does he also understand how easy it is for you to get over-stimulated by sounds and voices?

The last thing I need when I am struggling is to be with a group of people. The voices will undo me.

I expect you will need a day or two to recover from this one event.

My best to you.

nwsmith/xanadu00 - I understand your struggles. My symptoms got worse just like that 5 weeks after my TBI and still struggling everyday after 2 and a half years. After 5 weeks while driving I had near fainting episode (paramedic said only thing he notices is BP around 160), called ambulance and stayed in hospital for 3 days(nice hospital and doctors since my major care always there and also because of my previous brain bleeding- contusion they don't want to take any risk. Finally they discharged saying do what I can.

Somethings sure improved so that is a the good news. I am trying to help my brain in many ways. Stress, anxiety etc., are major factors. When I say stress I am not talking about couldn't find a parking spot or even losing a job. Our brain is stressed in top of other finance, family etc., situations.

I was sitting at home doing nothing for 1 year which increased my stress levels for sure thinking how long this will take.

Do anything possible to reduce brain stress. I wanted to suggest Neurofeedback but most insurance doesn't cover and it costs lot of money.

you can try cranio sacral therapy, trigger point therapy, myofascial pain release which all gave me temporary relief for me. Chiropractic didn't work for me and I tried many sessions (both normal and upper-cervical). Try acupuncture, healing touch, vision therapy and whatever you can.

If you are planning to drink to oblivion or anything like that then you need some medical intervention ( may be benzos or something else). I wouldn't recommend benzos but some times you got to do what you got to do to keep you sane. Try theanine first and get some BP med since you say it is consistently high. I have been taking theanine for 2 days now. Too early to tell any effect.

There is no magic pill, therapy or treatment can fix this. We have to find our own way. I am still trying and yes it is a tough journey so far........

Next think I am thinking about is Neurofeedback or Osteopathic medicine.

Hope you start feeling better.

Sorry to hear things have been going badly.

Of course this is not possible, and even if it was I don't think it would be desireable, since you need to keep track of your symptoms to make sure you are not overdoing it.

The trick, I believe, is to try to see yourself as slightly detached from your symptoms, so you are noticing them without being overly stressed about them. As we all know, stress is bad, and seems to be having a particularly negative effect for you. Try to think about them while taking deep breaths and staying calm. Your feelings are not dictated by what happens to you, but how you and your brain choose to interpret what happens to you. With practice I found it gets easier.

This is obviously very difficult but I'm afraid it's the best idea I can think of.

I know you are freaked out and dislike the symptoms you are dealing with but I think what you just posted is AWESOME news! You said you felt NORMAL! I haven't felt normal in 18 months! Not at all in any way shape or form!

I think this is great news because you are probably well on your way to feeling normal more frequently.

This whole recovery for me has been a lot of steps, let me try to explain... One day I'll feel just better cognitively and then for several days I'll have steps backwards. I consider the better feeling to be where my brain is going in healing, connecting pathways somehow but getting there took it's toll and then I'll get a little worse for a little while, with no apparent connection to my activity levels, until that better feeling becomes the norm. And then the next step forward, whenever it occurs, is the next time I feel a little better and so forth.

If I ever felt normal, even just for a short amount of time, I'd be ecstatic because I would know it is possible for my brain to feel that way again.

I want to give you a virtual hug because I know what you're going through is rough. But I hope you can try to focus on the hope that your brain is healing even though it's taking a long time to complete the process.

Mark,

I'm ordering a blood pressure kit online as I write this. I don't know much about them, so I wanted to post the link to the one I was looking at...it's right around my price range as far as affordability. It has a wrist cuff, not an arm cuff...not sure if that matters?

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Veridian-S...r-1ct/16562819

My appointment to discuss the blood pressure and sinusitis is on the 31st. I'm going to be seeing a nurse practitioner I saw awhile back during the beginning of my recovery. She seemed to be more knowledgeable about head injuries than anyone I've seen thus far.

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pcslife,

Your story sounds similar to mine. I haven't had any fainting episodes, but I've felt like I was going to on a few occasions.

I'm doing what I can to relieve stress...just not seeing any results. I think I might stop going to bible study...it's too hard for me to follow along. Also, when they pray at the end it gets really loud and I get overwhelmed. That's really the only stress or overstimulation left that I put on my brain.

I took note of your suggestions for therapy, thanks.

I don't plan on drinking myself to oblivion, but I definitely need to be prescribed a stronger medication to keep me sane. The current medication I'm taking (Mirtazapine) just isn't cutting it. I'm gonna discuss this with the psychiatrist next time I see him.

Thanks for your response and suggestions .

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Klaus,

That's a very good way to look at it. I'm actually doing something similar...I've been keeping a journal for a little over a week now. I write down what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. It seems like after I write down how I'm feeling, it kind of makes me feel a little better? So I guess writing them down could be considered slightly detaching myself from the feeling.

Thank you.

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EsthersDoll,

I know, right? It was AWESOME...and confusing. It kind of upset me too...it was a tease. I don't understand how I can go from being so foggy that I couldn't respond to anyone...to the ER and then normal. I was ecstatic...and it gives me hope knowing that my brain can still be normal. I just wish it would happen more often.

Maybe you haven't experience a normal moment yet because your brain is working hard to give you more than just a moment of being normal....

I completely understood what you meant when you explained the steps of your recovery. Sounds a lot like what's going on with me...except the last 2 months or so have been a plateau, or got worse.

Thank you .

Yeah, I've tried to think that for myself too - that the neural pathways I create after the injury will be MORE efficient than the ones I had before the injury!! Bwahahahaha! I have to hope something *good* comes out of all of this!

Other than the feeling normal that one time, I think it's weird that you've gotten worse or have plateaued in the last couple of months. I hope you've talked about that with your Dr..

Also, I understand the importance of going to church and what not, but have you considered not going for a while? I personally wouldn't be able to handle a Bible Study once a week - it would just be too much for me. I know how boring it is!! (Trust me, do I know!) But maybe you've been trying to do too much and that's why you've been getting worse?