[wdl6591]

Does anyone else have issues with guilt or self pity during the healing process?

I haven't worked in 6 months. My job requires a good deal of information processing and decision making, which are obviously not my strong suit right now.

I feel like I'm letting people down both in my family situation, my friends, and my job. Right now I just feel like a burden to everyone.

The way this PCS dominates your life just sucks. It's the only thing on my mind most of the time. I feel like family and friends just get tired of me not showing any real progress. Probably just me, not them. Not having a real strong grip on emotions dealing with this. Staying positive wears me out.

Is it just me or antbody else deal with these feelings?

[leebeemi]

I deal with these feelings on a daily basis. Heck, sometimes on an hourly basis. But the bottom line is this: I cannot commit 100% to anyone or anything but my recovery right now. Even my family. But we discuss it openly, so I can express my fears & frustrations, and they can do the same. Resentments are going to happen, so we try to nip them in the bud.

Frankly, I'm doing a lousy job at work right now. But we're working on ways to improve it--for instance, the office manager is sending me weekly updates on client lists, so I can look ahead and plan my week. She's putting in an extra effort to help me do my job--and that's so helpful. That, and a good cry now & then, is helping keep me focused on getting better. It's hard to stay positive--the trick is to give yourself a break if you get a bit negative.

And keep communication lines open. When I finally told my husband how frightened I was that I'd never be the "old me" again, he said, "That's okay, I like the new you just as much." Then I cried for 20 mins, fell asleep for 10 hours, and felt a little bit better in the morning.

[Rayna & Dean Suther]

I know exactly how you feel! I've been off work for about 6 months as well, and my boss used to text me daily about whether I could comeback and when I was coming back. My family's been supportive but I'm feeling the strain on them as well, my three year old has started picking at the skin on her fingers until it bleeds and when I ask her what she's worried about to do that she says " I am worried about you mommy"... breaks my heart and makes me feel worse. I feel useless and powerless and worried all the time about when I'll be normal.

You're not alone.

I started reading the thread about people recovering and it does give me hope. I remind myself that I need to be a priority for myself in order to be able to be the best person I can be for my family. I try to prioritize... work is work... but family and quality of life is more important.


Cheers,

Rayna

[bh_pcs]

I'm at work now and I have those feelings off and on again. It's quite the roller coaster to go on without all the head movements! I just had a meeting with my boss and he's committing me to do less and actually remove myself from some projects, or at least manage them better in a limited way.

I feel useless as well but I'm compensating for it with doing more - which isn't in my best interest. He says he'd rather see me heal as much as I can instead of overexerting myself where I can't perform. The good thing is that I still have instances of brightness and sharpness - probably more so than pre-injury.

Fatigue is a big thing so I've been using the Pomodoro Technique to manage my energy expenditures. So far, it's working better because it's more structured and the tools I'm using enables discipline.

The good cry is also a great idea.

[Jeffrey]

Good topic.

#1 way for me to avoid self pity is to think of other who have it worse.

Those who've died from their TBI or are in excruciating pain.

And that even if I die, as a Christian, I believe I will go to heaven.

I'm just thankful for pain levels to usually be low.

[Margarite]

Heck Yeah!
No body understands!
Everybody else gets to...
I'm 22, I should be in my prime, and here I am barely able to get out of bed!
I can't, I just can't deal with this anymore!
Why even bother dealing with people, it is too much trouble?
I should just shut myself in my room and ignore the world!
How can I bring myself to go home when I know they will want me to be part of the family and not a loner?

Every day I feel the temptations of self-pity, and then feel guilty for that, but this isn't good.
I have to keep reminding myself, that I do have the strength to deal with this. That if I do not have the strength, then those who love me (even if they do not understand) will support me. I also have to remember that I should not feel guilty because my body is acting up. People are very accommodating of people in wheel-chairs, people without legs, people with other common bodily problems. Just because my problem is invisible and seems arbitrary and weird does not mean that I am less needful of help than a person with a migraine or no hand.
Self-pity is not allowed because it is a deadly circle that leads to uselessness, but neither is guilt allowed because that is just another way to get into the deadly pit of self-pity.
We are ill, but we are not giving in!
Good Luck!
In Christ,
Margarite

[Eowyn]

Yep, have this a LOT. Had more trouble with it at the beginning, and I was also very anxious and panicky about it, like if I don't take care of my family, WHO IS GOING TO???

Turns out, God can keep the world running just fine with or without me

A wise woman said to me, what would you tell a friend of yours who had this happen to her? Would you yell at her and tell her to get her s**t together and get back to work? No, you would tell her she's doing the best she can and she should take care of herself and do whatever she can whenever she can (and not worry about the rest). And that's what you should tell yourself too.

I'm trying to do that. Some days are easier than others.

Trying to push through and completely melting down several times is helping to convince me that it's the right thing to do. I'm having to face my limitations.

As much as I hate to admit it, being mean to myself or feeling guilty just doesn't do anybody any good. Being gentle with myself and taking time and space to heal ends up helping everybody more. I'm able to do more for myself and others when I feel better, and I feel better when I'm gentle with myself and take care of myself.

God has funny ways of teaching us stuff. At least he didn't have to make me think I was a cow for seven years like he did Nebuchadnezzar?

[wdl6591]

Thanks to everyone that replied. It seems if I have a couple of "good days" (which of course are relative to how crappy I feel usually), then I wonder why I'm not trying to do more. That's when the guilt hits for me. Like I have some doubt that I'm really suffering, like no one else can "see" the PCS, maybe I'm imagining it. Once that doubt is there, then I start to feel like I'm malingering or something. Of course, once the symptoms rear up again (which they invariably do) then I wonder what I was thinking in the first place. This just messes with your state of mind continually.

[ginnie]

I don't have PCS but I do understand some of your feelings. I feel I let down everybody around me too. I have alot of medical issues and it took me completely out of the work force. I have had quite a few pitty parties, and cried myself to sleep during the course of treatments.Some of those feelings are normal when you get injured, where you just can' be what you were before. Keep the lines of communication open. Tell your family how you feel. Allow some comfort to come in to your life. Do something posssitive or good for yourself too. Find a distraction. Go to a psyclologist if the feelings don't subside. None of the problems on these posts are easy to endure. This site was created to help us with these issues. Along the way we can make some new friends. There are many posts that talk about these issues too. I hope that you feel better soon. Neuro Talk has helped me to over come some of these feelings of being depressed just by talking here. I do wish you all the best. You are not alone. ginnie

[wdl6591]

Thanks, Ginnie. I am seeing a therapist to deal with trying to "slow" me down some and deal with my feelings of being ineffective. It's just not meshing with my type A personality. The therapist told me that it seems as though my PCS was custom tailored to torture me. I'm sure we all feel that way. Most medical conditions change what you can do, PCS seems to change who you are. The neuropsych told me to allow for a grieving process for the loss of the person that I was. That freaked me out.