[kaji]

I was recently in a car accident. I was in a dark, unlit part of town at 2am and I have no idea what happened...I think I may actually have lost consciousness for a few seconds, and once I came to I hit the vehicle that was stopped in front of me. It's the only explanation I can come up with. I don't remember anything...it's as if that time has disappeared. I don't remember it, but my head hit the windshield and put a good crack in it (I could deduce this by the placement of the crack, the fact that it came from the inside, and my mirror was knocked completely to the side consistent with how my head would have projected forward). I am pretty positive I was knocked unconscious from the blow.

I was taken to the hospital, they did a CT scan and it was negative, and I was sent home within 2.5 hours of when I was admitted. They didn't check for a concussion or anything, which I think would be a standard procedure considering the contusions on my head. The Doctor mentioned that "oh one of your pupils is bigger than the other"....well that can actually be a sign of a concussion.

Since the accident, I've had constant headaches all the time. The first night I actually vomited. I've noticed a major mood change. I'm depressed all the time. I'm not as mentally sharp as I was, and I was incredibly sharp before. I think about killing myself all the time and can't stop thinking how I should've just gone through the windshield (I was wearing a seat belt) and died because I'm worthless anyways. When I talk sometimes the words come out wrong and I mix two words together separately. Thinking or concentrating on things just makes my head hurt even more. I already suffered from consistent vertigo/dizziness/migraines from time to time, possibly because of an eye strain, but this is so much worse.

I just have no hope. And before the accident I was so hopeful. Now I just want to die.

I'm thinking about going to a different hospital and getting checked out, because the one I went to was terrible from the accident. It's been a week and a half and I feel like the symptoms aren't improving at all. It scares the living hell out of me.

[Mark in Idaho]

kaji,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. Your experience is not uncommon. Many of us have been through the same experience.

You did not give us much information. Please help us.

How long has it been since your accident?
Have you been seen by a neurologist?
Do you have any other medical conditions?
How old are you?
Where do you live? Different locations have different health care systems to navigate through.

Another explanation can be, You failed to notice the car stopped ahead and rear ended it. You were knocked unconscious or your brain was traumatized by the impact with the windshield and you suffered amnesia with a little being retrograde amnesia (before the impact) and some post traumatic amnesia. This would be why you don't remember what happened. This is hopefully what happened.

If you lost consciousness and caused the collision, this is more serious because it means you should not be driving until you find the cause of losing consciousness. Have you ever lost consciousness without a reason?

A hospital is not likely the best place to go. Their standard is usually to stabilize you and refer you to a doctor or clinic. You should schedule and appointment with a doctor. Maybe an Urgent Care Clinic. You should ask to have your neck examined, especially your upper neck.

Your symptoms are sure indicative of a concussion, especially the nausea and vomiting.

How did you hit the windshield if you were wearing your seatbelt?

Please tell us more and there will be plenty of support and help for you. The feelings of despair are common. Just tough it out one day at a time.

My best to you.

[kaji]

It's been a week and a half.

I have not. My insurance is about to run out; honestly that's partly why I want to go to the ER, and partially is because if I did temporarily lose consciousness while driving that scares me so much. All I remember is suddenly seeing the car out of nowhere and slamming on my brakes. But this is the 2nd time this has happened to me since October...a little under 2 months and 2 car accidents. My car is done for so I'm definitely not driving for a long time. I'm actually too afraid to ever drive I think.

I suffer from chronic anxiety and OCD, and like I said before even before the accident I did get checked out for chronic headaches and dizzy spells and they didn't find a cause.

I'm 26.

I live in Florida.

(Sorry for listing like this, I'm just...again a little slow right now, my head is killing me)

I'm actually thinking too of going to the ER because these suicidal thoughts, which are so uncharacteristic of me, are getting worse. And I at least want documentation of my medical condition while I'm still insured.

I don't know how I still hit the windshield if I was wearing my seatbelt. I went inside the car though and it was an exact match for where my contusions were, and the way the mirror was moved completely to the side...it only makes sense. There weren't any projectiles inside my car that could have made that AND pushed aside the mirror like that. Plus my seat got stuck so it was further up than usual when I drive. I have a picture but it won't let me post it. My car is an older car and I don't think the airbags deployed fully.

Simply thinking hurts. Concentrating. I'm nervous because I'm a grad school student, was super sharp, and now I just want to quit. I feel so traumatized by this. I don't know if I can continue to train to do what I want to do.

[kaji]

Also, with concussions is it uncommon to not remember clearly the hour or two before? I remember things, vaguely; it's all hazy but I have like 50 minutes of time that is completely unaccounted for. I think I got lost while driving and I've been able to kind of reverse engineer everything so I know what I was doing leading up to the accident, but I don't actually remember it. I know I missed my turn onto the road I was going to get on so I was taking another route....and now that I know where the accident was I know the route I was taking to get back on course. I just don't remember that thought process at all.

[Mark in Idaho]

kaji,

It sounds like you may have become confused by your loss of directions. This can cause a loss of attention. Before your car is destroyed or junked, it may be worthwhile to have an accident inspector (police or state highway patrol or maybe your auto insurance company) look at it to try to piece together what happened. If you airbag went off but failed, you may have a claim against the auto manufacturer.

There is a saying, "Expect the best but plan for the worst." Getting a good inspection of your car will allow you to try to plan for the worst.

Your auto insurance policy often has a 'medical expenses' coverage. Is your health insurance running out or is it your auto insurance?

Amnesia just before and after a traumatic event can often get lost. The brain had not finished storing the information just before the trauma and the trauma caused the neurochemical process of storing that information to fail and lose the bit of memory. This same neurochemical process was struggling to return to proper function after the trauma so the memories from the time while this process is trying to regain proper function never gets stored in memory.

It is similar to when you have written a document on your computer but your computer crashes before you get a chance to save the document. When you restart your computer, the document is lost except for the part that was auto-saved by the computer in case of failure. This usually means the last 5 minutes of typing in the document is gone. Amazing how brains and computers have lots of similar processes.

You really need to be seen by a neurologist. Call and suggest that you may have lost consciousness before the accident and tell them about the October event. Or, an Urgent Care Clinic may be able to get you a quick referral. Try a doctors' office or clinic rather than an ER. The ER will likely say they do not see anything wrong and pass you off.

My best to you.

[kaji]

My dad is probably going to drop the auto insurance to help offset for the impound fees and towing fees (he had to drive 8 hours down and tow the car to where they live). But my health insurance is about to run out at the end of the month. Seeing a neurologist is impossible.

My car actually isn't going to be junked or scrapped. It actually still starts. So there's a possibility of fixing it; although it will be a long drawn out process as the body work and such will be expensive. Won't happen for a little while.

What I still don't understand is how even with a seat belt I was propelled so far upward/forward that my head hit and cracked the windshield.

I have medical coverage insurance in my policy and I qualify for it, but, there's a huge deductible/out of pocket cost before they actually start paying.

Thanks for the responses I appreciate it. It's just been such an overwhelming week and a half. I keep on thinking maybe it would be better if I just went through that windshield. I know it's bad to think but, I just can't get it out of my mind. I want to die. That night was one of the most enjoyable ones I've had in YEARS. I had been looking forward to it for such a long time. And then this happens and I'm overly depressed and just want to die.

[Mark in Idaho]

kaji,

What were you doing that night? Why were you out driving so late?

Could it be that you just exhausted yourself and started to fall asleep?

Why can't you keep your health insurance going, COBRA or something?

So, are you working or a student supported by your parents?

Why can't you go to an Urgent Care Clinic? Most health insurance has a high co-pay for the ER compared to an Urgent Care Clinic.

Are you taking any meds?

It seems you should have access to some kind of medical exam.

[kaji]

I went to a concert then out to get a bite to eat.

I'm a grad student; on my parents' insurance but I'm about to be dropped because I turn 27.

I have no mode of transportation here and no way to get anywhere because lack of public transportation. I have no money because, ironically, I had to buy new tires and put new bearings on my car a few months ago. Since it's winter break, there's no one here.

I wasn't tired. Or at least I don't remember feeling tired. I was taking a medication, Luvox, and my doctor put me on a really high dosage...200mg a day....but I stopped taking it after a week because of chronic fatigue yet inability to fall asleep. I also take clonazepam for anxiety, but I last had taken it at 7:00am, so it had worn off by then. Maybe I was over fatigued and didn't know it, but, I don't think that's what this was. I was totally alert and matter of fact before my accident...I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but I can kind of recall my general thought process if that makes sense. I distinctly knew what I was doing. Then it all goes black.

The insurance I have is actually really really good. It's just I lose it in a week and a half and to stay on would be $550 a month, which I cannot pay.

[Mark in Idaho]

kaji,

Check with Blue Cross/Blue Shield. They should have health insurance for a 27 year old that is quite affordable compared to $550. Cobra is usually the most expensive plan.

Did you stop the 200mgs of Luvox all at once? When did you stop it?

What are you taking the clonazepam for? It is a miserable drug. been there, done that.

Your father's insurance for you would usually have cost extra. ObamaCare does not mandate the insurance company cover adult children for free. Maybe he can help you with you own health care plan with the same amount it was costing to insure you on his plan.

Does your University offer a health plan? Many do.

[kaji]

I stopped the Luvox about a day or so before? The pharmacist recommended cutting down and so I did, I didn't plan on cutting myself off but after the accident I was just...eh. I was supposed to be up to 300mg by now.

Clonazepam for extreme anxiety. And trust me, I wouldn't take it if I didn't have to. It was 17 hours before the accident since I last took my dose though, and with its half life and the fact that I've been on it for a few years...I don't think it had a part to play.

Up till now my dad's insurance didn't cost anything extra. I'm not even 27 yet. BUT, because I turn 27 in June I get kicked off Jan. 1st. I wish I could stay on till I actually turn 27 but I can't. Since he just got a job with the state, he has AMAZING benefits too. Probably won't be as good in the future, but, they are very good.

My school does offer insurance but now being so broke, and the fact that their insurance rates are going up pretty dramatically last time I checked, I need to figure it out.

Mark you've been so kind, helpful, and supportive. I'm really appreciative of that.