[cyclecrash]

So what started as a happy day, because I was finally starting to see some improvement and might actually be making progress to an eventual return to work, has turned into a crying, anxious, sad night.

I have just found out that they have promoted someone where I work and are training them to do my job. Not on a contract position but as a permanent job. I know deep down that I should be grateful that my position in the company is guaranteed to me for the next 2 years but all I can think is that even if I go back it may not be to the job I absolutely love and look forward to doing every day. They might be planning to train me to do something else.

I understand that they don't even know if I'm ever coming back and they have to get the work done but it makes me scared and sad that they have a permanent position doing it. I guess they could still have him move on to something else when I go back and have me go back to my job but I'm having a hard time believing that.

I'm doing everything possible to get better here and I still feel like it's not enough and not fast enough. Will I ever get back even? It just makes me feel so unimportant and replaceable.

Sorry to post negative after positive but I felt like you would be the only people to truly understand and I'm hoping that writing it down here will get it to stop repeating over and over in my head and driving me nuts! I have to find a distraction somehow to break this. Maybe some American Idol will put a terrible song in my head instead

Thanks for listening!

CC