Hello everyone, I have just joined this board and can already see it is a very caring place so I am relieved to be here. I am a 45 yo mother of a 4 1/2 year old and a 7th grader, both girls. I have a very supportive husband.

I hit my head badly in mid-July 2014 on the side of the pool while horsing around with my child. Prior to that, I had hit my head many times throughout life never knowing that most of them were concussions. After the July hit, I have had 3 more concussions, 4 total in seven months. In addition to my neurologist, I did see a concussion rehab specialist (neuropsychologist) a few times but am still having a problem with insurance reimbursals so I am not seeing her at this point.

I did have vestibular therapy which helped a lot. I also got prism glasses for dizziness which have helped tremendously (they are primarily to treat a pre-existing vision condition (Duane's syndrome) which I had been accommodating but no longer can accommodate since the concussions).

Many of my symptoms are greatly improved. It's hard to say for sure, because I keep hitting my head, and then they return. The headaches are much better. The dizziness is reduced to major movement like garden digging. I can drive fine except at night or in rush hour or crazy traffic. I still get tired and I take naps most days.

I have bigger remaining things though that are really interfering with my family life that I need help with. Some of them seem like larger changes to my personality, although to be fair, they are qualities that were part of me before the concussions but now they are times ten. Here are some of them:

1. I want to be alone most of the time. I don't want to be emotionally distant, but I just want so much space. I feel assaulted by input and having people in my personal space. I am home alone all day while the kids are at school and I still have to retreat to my room later. I can't understand why people want to talk all the time. I don't want to spend time with my children, who are so loud. I don't want to sit and talk with my husband. At the same time, I get lonely. I want to be close. I want to be able to be together without being overwhelmed.

2. I am very very quickly overwhelmed by sound and sensory chaos and I react dramatically and sometimes in a hostile way. I have trouble staying at the dinner table sometimes if it gets too loud. If we are all in the mudroom together putting on coats and boots, I start to go crazy and freak out. I even get startled by small noises or sudden noises, and get so upset that I cry and my children have had to calm me down. I screamed at my mother for "sneaking up on me".

3. I still cannot multitask. If I am doing something already or even thinking about something and one of them comes up to ask me something, I get really anxious or sometimes mad. I respond abruptly, sometimes rudely. If I even need to go to the bathroom, I have trouble being interrupted with someone talking to me about something else and I get agitated! It is very difficult to be a mom and not be able to manage two things at once. They cannot understand me.

4. My verbal communication ability has really decreased. Not with friendly communication, but with explanation type communication. I have a hard time bringing forth the right words. I have to show, point, lead, do, demonstrate. When I have to explain things, I get frustrated and sometimes if I'm really having trouble, I get upset or angry. It does not necessarily come out sounding terrible, so it is not obvious to the listener. All they know is that I appear really agitated, possibly angry or crying.

And finally, everyone is just wondering how much longer until I get better, (especially since I am so much better) and saying that I will get better, because obviously the way I am now is totally INFERIOR to how I used to be.

I don't like the mean things I do, like yelling at people and being harsh. I want to have good relationships with my family and be a good mother. And I don't want to suffer.

However, some of these things, I think, might just be changes, like wanting to be quiet and have more space. Not multi-tasking. Maybe some of those things might be just the way I am now, and I'm not sure we should keep waiting for me to go back to the way I was. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to be this way, if I learn how to be more gentle.

I would really like some feedback and to know if anyone else has felt these things and had problems with their families.

Thank you for the support. I'm sorry this is so long.
Julie

I have experienced what you have also.

I went through several months were I just couldn't hardly be with my lovely grandchildren but that is much better now.....I found earplugs to be a tremendous help and I did take longer bathroom breaks during family activities at the house for some quiet.

I had a difficult time being around my family at times due to crazy anxiety and in ability to sit still but I figured out ways to let them know I was thinking of them.....a touch or a smile, lots of ways to communicate love and concern. You just need to be creative.

This is a very strange journey. It takes patience, perseverance and an approach out of the box for some things.

I can't be in church for the music yet due to to volume and it can really raise my anxiety. I go late now and I keep my head down and eyes closed a lot due to the fluorescent lights but it is working and God understands!

As Mark says...best wishes to you!

Kids can learn to be quieter around you, just explain simply that your head starts to hurt and that calm and quiet makes it feel better.. Let them know that you still love them and they can be normal loud when outside playing.

It might be good to run this past husband before you talk to the kids though, just so he's on board and will back you up with reminders if it begins to get too loud , so you don't have to be the bad guy all the time..

And same goes for close family & friends. Doesn't hurt to mention that crowds & a lot of things going on make your symptoms flare up. They may forget sometimes but if they don't know at all, they can't make any attempts to help you feel better..

ear plugs are suggested often on the forum too.

AndromedaJulie,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. I am sorry to hear you are struggling so.

Everything you are going through is very common to people here. Some of us have long histories dealing with your struggles. Thank you for breaking up your post in short paragraphs. It is very helpful.

My first recommendation for you is to check out three valuable resources .

The brain line 'TBI Lost and Found'
http://www.brainline.org/content/201...u-to-know.html

The TBI Survival Guide at www.tbiguide.com.
Print it out (84 pages)

The YouTube "You Look Great" 6 part series
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Xso4qGdlI

If these links do not work properly, they are at the bottom of the first post under Vitamins in the stickies at the top.

Share these links with your family and/or friends. And, try to find a TBI support group to attend with your family. They can be a great source of support and understanding. Your state Brain Injury Association affiliate may be a good source to find one. www.BIAUSA.org has links to the state associations.

The prior posts made good points. Your children can make the changes you need. The key issue is likely too many voices at once. If you and your husband can help them learn to not talk over each other, you will do much better. When you want to talk with them, try whispering. They will usually respond the same.

In time, I will try to respond to all of your issues. My brain is not at its best right now. But, here is an important starting point.

You said "And finally, everyone is just wondering how much longer until I get better, (especially since I am so much better) and saying that I will get better, because obviously the way I am now is totally INFERIOR to how I used to be. "

A rehabilitation physical therapist who has spent a career working with the brain injured spoke at our brain injury support group last month. The most important point he made was quite simple but hard to accept. We need to let go of how we were before our brain injury. There is an important reason for this. If we constantly gauge everything by how we used to be, we rarely or never have up days.

But, if we accept our current state as the new "Me," every improvement is worthy of celebration. Even more, the sense of accomplishment stimulates the dopamine 'reward' system that helps our brain chemically respond in a positive way. We do not know nor can anybody project how much we will improve. This letting go of "Why can't I be like I was before?" will reduce our stress load enhancing our brain's ability to heal.

We also need to let go of any expectation of being able to multi-task. Multi-tasking is a strain on the brain, even when the brain is healthy. The concept to remember is that we often need to "Stop to think." This means that those distractions need to be shut off or out so we can focus on the task at hand.

I used to be able to drive, eat, listen to the radio and more while reading a map to find my customer's house. Now, my wife does the driving and may need to stop and turn off the radio and even air conditioner so I can focus to read the map. I really need to stop to think. I have been this way for 15 years although I am much better now than I was 10 years ago.

One last point. I'll try to address your numbered points later. It would be worthwhile to get a serious hormone analysis done. Not just a general look but an assessment by a true specialist. Most endocrinologists are too generic. A women's health specialist who works with bio-identical hormones is a good start. There are also doctors who specialize in life extension and performance enhancement who may be able to help. Hormones can be a part of your startle response, quick to get upset/outburst response and even social tolerance.

EsthersDoll has some posts with good information about her experience with hormones. Maybe a moderator can find her thread. I get lost trying to sort through the search results.

More later.

My best to you.

Just following on from Mark's post... here is the link to the Lost and Found from Brainline.

TBI Lost and Found

The one in the Vitamins sticky does work too.
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/post945023-1.html

Here are a couple from EsthersDoll -

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/post1050379-63.html
More on using hormones to heal brain injury.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...22#post1102422
Free Webinar- hypothalamic-pituitary dysfunction with head injury

For more of EsthersDoll's helpful posts it's probably easier to use the forum search feature and use keywords such as
endocrine or hormones or pituitary etc..

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/search.php

Wow everyone, thank you so much for all of your supportive feedback. I am weaving my way so gratefully through it all. Some of it I just keep rereading, enjoying the feeling that there are other people who are not looking at me and nodding with that concerned bewildered face, but who actually get it somewhat (even if your experiences are different)

I am also working slowly through the references. Thank you for posting direct links Those are helpful! Mark, I did not understand what you meant at first about hormones. I was thinking, ha ha, no kidding. But then I looked at the links from Esthersdoll that Lara put in. Wow. That is food for thought and I am working through them.

I am talking to my husband about having a more direct talk with the kids about my situation. They have heard a lot of it already, but we will try to spell out some of it, maybe distill it down to a couple of the basics that need attention at the moment. Thank you for pointing out that I should be doing this.

Thank you for also thinking that it is a good thing not to multi-task. I don't mean to sound strange, but I feel like it has been a huge spiritual gift to discover that I should only do one thing at a time. Everyone else in the world seems to think this is crazy, and sees it as a sign of something I have to recover from.

Separate from this, I also realize that my depression is a huge problem. I contacted my neurologist this week who directed me to my psychiatrist and I am finally going to have to change some of my meds. I have taken meds for depression for years on a stable dose since before the concussions, and I have resisted changing them since the head hitting and have tried to "brain rest" through the concussion changes rather than adding more meds to help the emotion problems. But this week I realized my depression has gotten really bad again similar to right after the July concussion, along with feelings of being "crazy" - I don't know how to explain it. (No suicidal ideation, I am very aware of that.) So I will try this route.

What do you think? I thought that time was supposed to just make it better, but am I going to have to take more psychiatric medications for ever or for a long time? Do you think these changes are permanent? I know various docs say yes, no, maybe, but I am asking from the point of view of personal experience. I know that having prior depression/mood disorders makes it harder to recover. (I am diagnosed with cyclothymia and major depressive disorder, mild ADD, mild Tourettes, and I know I have a lot of sensory processing issues.) How am I to think of my life and my self now.

Thank you all so much. I do feel very alone. I am glad to find this forum, very much.

Julie

Julie,

It has been a real difficult chore for me to learn to focus and on only one thing at a time...I actually have to spend time prioritizing then eliminate what is not expedient. I get frustrated at that but it really helps keep the anxiety down. I never seemed to have this problem before my accident but my brain can get assaulted with many thoughts at one time that all think they are the priority. Something has to give and I would rather it be multi tasking.

I enjoy building plastic airplane models, since I was 8 but have had to rearrange my, approach to it some. I have to work in shorter time spans and sometimes I can't do it at all,,during these times I have a harder time following directions.

It has its benefits....I actually findmyself able to pay closer attention to God when I quiet my brain and my chess game has gotten better, not that I am any good at it but I started playing with my son who thought it might help me with focus.

Bud

Julie,

Another idea for you to look into. Cycling and raging hormones can contribute to cyclothymia as can blood sugar irregularities. I sometimes manifest reactive hypoglycemia. My blood sugar will roller coaster causing a roller coaster of my mood. I deal with it by avoiding sugar spikes and by eating smaller meals more often. There are other techniques for dealing with this too. I just don't remember what they are.

Regarding your children. You will be surprised how they can respond to 'Mommy needs your help." The simple concept of one person speaking at a time will be a big help. Reducing background noise, TV, radio, stereo, etc can make a difference.

I encourage you to read the Vitamins sticky at http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread181974-11.html
With good brain nutrition, you may be able to reduce your psych meds. I am completely off meds after 14 years of paroxetine (an SSRI) and have replaced them with L-Tryptophan, 5-HTP and L-Theanine. No SSRI side effects anymore.

My best to you.

Hi AndromedaJulie
Just read your post and glad to see you're getting some good input from others. Here's a small suggestion that might help. If you haven't yet explained to your kids the need for quiet one way which might help them understand is to give them an analogy they can relate to. You could try explaining to them that for you being in a 'normal' room feels like being in a TV studio with 50 screens on at full volume and someone else has the remote controls and is channel surfing and that it gets very confusing and you need to have them turned off sometimes. This would help them to imagine what it is actually like for you and hopefully they would respond. Another way is to set up (with their and your husbands input) a 'codeword' - then they would know that whenever you said that codeword you needed some down time. Make it something fun and not too serious so they don't get anxious for you. All the best for your journey back to peace and quiet.

Blues fan,

I set up a code word with my wife at her suggestion and it works pretty well. We use it around others and a busy environment.

Bud