Hello,

I've been a lurker here for quite a while. I've had several concussions in the past, all of which healed in under a month. Suffice it to say, I suffered a new head injury. Now, I am exactly 1 month post-injury, and while I understand timeframes are virtually worthless- and more bane than benefit in terms of TBIs, I still have symptoms. Due to this fact, I feel a need to reach out.

I think I understand why my symptoms have persisted.

I was injured at work- walked into a ladder. No symptoms until several hours later; then, symptoms included brain fog and visual disturbances, as well as a sensitivity to noise. I began a new semester of school 3 days after my injury; a condensed 6 week summer semester. After the 1st week of school I slept for 48 hours. After 48 hours total cognitive/physical rest I felt much better. But...

For the next week my symptoms improved slowly. Then, my father visited from Canada. We made 2 trips to Manhattan. The day after the 2nd trip, my symptoms returned when making the hour drive back from school. Brain fog, headache, etc. I slept for 12 hours, and my symptoms did not improve.

Out of despair, I had a beer. Idiotic, I know. My father tried to convince me my symptoms were "all in my head". Wanting to believe him, for the next few days I continued having 1 beer a night, before bed, so as to relax. It seemed to actually help, to a certain extent, as my anxiety diminished along with the headaches. One night, I had 3 drinks, due to stress. Then, the day after, I tried light walking on a treadmill; and all my progress turned to nil. Headaches, brain fog, pressure in head, visual disturbances- all returned. Now, these symptoms are more or less constant. I have not really exercised, save some light walking and yard work around my property (I live on a farm), since the injury. Light walking and short bursts of outside labor (properly hydrated) have a negligible effect.

In short, I subjected myself to a ridiculous, irresponsible quantity of stress and overstimulation.

This morning I cracked due to anxiety and depression (something I have struggled with since the age of 13, long before I sustained my first concussion), and almost dropped all my courses. As I only have 1 1/2 weeks left in the semester, I'm going to continue going; even though I feel the stress will be detrimental. I am a good student, on the Dean's List, and in spite of my head injuries I have still been getting A's on my English papers. But, this morning the drive to push myself just vaporized. I feel broken by the possibility these symptoms, this debilitation, could be a permanent thing. I am 20 years old, and feel, quite simply, broken. In the words of James Tyrone, "Life has me where it wants me!" A month and 1 day ago, I had life where I wanted it. Now, when I try to write, my ability to stumble into new connections, to have really original insights, and to grow, has been seriously diminished. I have an extremely strong work ethic and hyperactive drive. It is very difficult to accept any sort of limitation. So, having had to accept limitations over the last 4 weeks, I feel completely defeated.

I am never going to consume alcohol again. I have not had caffeine since January, as it interferes with my anxiety. I am no longer able to lift weights, a large setback, as, pre-injury, weightlifting was a main means of coping with my mental ills. I am also a writer, and rely greatly on my mind. Without my writing, my life will fall apart. I am not ME, without that. Before I had alcohol, my ability to write was gradually returning. Now, it is impaired, to a degree. Prior to my injury, when not in school I did nothing but read, write and exercise. I am not a typical teenager, and though I would occasionally party, my main focus has been achieving success (as in, writing something of lasting, not commercial, value) as a writer. I am, being a hypochondriac, extremely sensitive to every vagary of health. The minutest of changes, I typically perceive and seize upon. I'm sure that's not helping. The thought of these impairments lasting several months, years, or lingering permanently have driven me to fantasies of suicide. (Note these are only fantasies, I would never act on them.) In short, what truly disturbs me is the possibility I have seriously diminished my potential and robbed myself of my purpose by improperly treating my head injury.

For anyone in this forum, I'm sure you know what it is to be broken- to lose the thing that defines you. I can't let that happen to me. I have too much to accomplish.

My family is more or less unsympathetic; my father ascribes my lingering symptoms to my untreated anxiety disorders, as does my mother. Could this be a possibility? I genuinely think it's a confluence of factors, including TBI, PCS and anxiety/depression.

As for my case history: I have struggled with OCD, Bipolar disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder since the age of 13. I am also a hypochondriac. When I am not suffering symptoms of a head injury, I am worried about all sorts of illnesses- cancer, STD's, etc. I have once been hospitalized, but generally try to muddle through my ails without assistance. I suffered my first concussion 3 years ago. Since then I have suffered a likely 6 other injuries. All recovered in several days/weeks. Not so, this one.

At the moment I have head pressure, some minor difficulty reading, slightly slowed processing speed and visual issues.

I'm posting here because I just need to commiserate and communicate with others who know what I am suffering.

How do I get better? Have you any suggestions, based on my individual case history, as to what the **** could be wrong with me? I know there is not much I can do, but anything is appreciated.

Also, as I have been lurking for over a year, I'd like to thank all the regular posters- particularly Mark In Idaho- for the information I've gleaned.