[DazedandConfused86]

Hi.

I've been lurking around this board for a few weeks now. I'll just cut to the chase: I did something extremely stupid a couple months ago, and I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is anxiety/depression, or PCS, or... possibly, PCS-induced anxiety/depression? I'm praying it's not.

Apologies for the long post ahead. I know this forum is no replacement for a neurologist/psychiatrist. I just need to get all this off my chest (god knows my parents are sick and tired of hearing my kvetching) and see if anyone has some suggestions. I can't go to a doctor for the time being.

For what it's worth, I'm an 18 (soon 19) year old female, and I'm worried I screwed up my brain. ):

May 7: I got in a fight with my dad. I was so stressed out, I couldn't think straight. I tapped/knocked my head against a wall in a fit of rage.
I hit the front, back, and sides of my head a couple times. I don't remember how many times, exactly. I didn't think I hit myself that hard, but... god. I regret doing that so much.

I didn't feel nauseous/disoriented/dizzy, nor did I have a loss of consciousness. But I had a pulsing/tingling, moderately-painful headache that lasted for about a week. I don't think I had any visual problems? Except for some sensitivity to light.

During that week I was under a ton of mental-stress. Writing essays for scholarships etc. and I also lightly(?) bonked my head twice on accident. It didn't make any symptoms worse, but... still. I was very tired (took a lot of naps in my downtime) a little more weepy than usual... and had a seemingly-constant headache on top of it all. I also woke up a couple times in the middle of the night. But no cognition problems? I didn't have any brain-fog, either.

I didn't get the chance to truly rest my brain.

May 14: HEADACHE GONE. I even remember vividly, I was at the beach, and I thought to myself oh my god I can't believe it! my head's not pounding anymore!?

~May 23: All of a sudden - my jaw starts hurting. Badly. Later on, I'm diagnosed with TMJD. When I hit my head, I didn't knock myself around the jaw area... I don't remember feeling particularly stressed at this time, either. I'm still having jaw pain to this day. I don't know where this came from.

~May 31: I pull my back and my arm muscles from "overexertion". (I did do a lot of heavy lifting while cleaning my room, but...) I do have a bad posture when I use the computer, so.. perhaps it was related to that? I never hurt my back that badly before.

For the next two-three weeks, I have awful back pain and tension headaches. Ocular headaches, too. It's like a flashback to May 7-14, but worse.

I also start getting these strange "health anxiety attacks". I was paranoid I had Lyme Disease. (Not going to elaborate). I was in a fugue-like state, complete with brain fog, and... it was just weird.

For the rest of June I felt pretty good. Just kind of brain-foggy occasionally. Also had some depersonalization-feeling.

But I was also under a lot of stress at home- but also, nothing more than I'm used to. Or so I thought.

June 27-July 3: Went scuba-diving on the weekend, got to stay at a friend's house for the week. Didn't do anything crazy-- in fact, I was by myself most of the time, just watching TV and reading. Living the high life.

And then, this week.

I've never felt so tired in my life. 24/7, it doesn't matter how much sleep I get. I'm almost constantly exhausted - I get a small energy perk around 8PM or so, then it fades. During the day, I'm uncomfortably, constantly sleepy. It doesn't feel right to me.

Granted, I didn't have the best sleep schedule in the weeks prior. I tried fixing it this week, but.. it doesn't seem to be working. I wake up a couple times in the night. I don't snore? So I don't think it's sleep apnea? I don't know...

I'm just worried, because this doesn't feel normal for me. I'm also feeling depressed, and health-anxious (which never happened pre-self-inflicted concussion, which only makes things worse). I'm paranoid I'm "coming down with" Chronic Fatigue Syndrome because of how tired/weak I've felt. (Stupid, I know.)

Were those knocks on my head harder and more dangerous than I thought?

Sorry this ended up so long. ): If anyone needs it, I can write up a Cliff's Notes of all this rambling BS.

Here's what I've been taking every day since July 4:
2-3 300 mg Fish Oil (I didn't take this when I first knocked my head, but started to when I hurt my back and arms)
1 300 mg Krill Oil
1 400 IU Vitamin D
1 Calcium & 1 Magnesium tablet - not sure of the dosage atm.

I don't even know what I want to accomplish with all this. I just needed to get it out. This has been a really rough summer. ):

[Mark in Idaho]

Dazed......

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

It sounds like you did a number on your head. A few others have done similar things. Was it a sheet rock wall ?

First, you should add B-12, a B-50 Complex and D-3 to your supplements.

Regarding your jaw. It is not uncommon for PCS to cause jaw clenching. This can lead to TMJD. Your sleep disruptions could be related to these muscle tensions. Central Sleep Apnea can cause sleep disruptions and extreme tiredness during the day. CSA is when the brain stem fails to direct the diaphragm to take breaths until the O2 level has dropped too much. This can cause waking and other sleep disruptions.

And yes, I think you are dealing with PCS induced anxiety/depression. It is very common. Your rage with your father suggests you are a type to pile on stress.

Your health anxieties are common to PCS. You are highly unlikely to have any risk for the maladies you suggest. The PCS anxious mind does all of the wild wandering without any basis.

The key thing for you now is to reduce stress in any way possible. Your anxiety will take a little stress and magnify it greatly. Stress and anxiety are the biggest enemy of recovery from PCS.

So, get the quiet rest your brain needs. Your summer should be boring by 18-19 year old standards. Just enough activity to keep your blood flowing and intense boredom at bay. Screen time should be moderated seriously. Texting is a big source of anxiety. The anticipation and expectation of a response raises anxiety levels. One on one time with friends is far better that group conversations and activities. No alcohol or other intoxicants.

You may experience an even more severe set of symptoms as you cycle through the month. Females tend to struggle more with PCS and many thing this may part of the reason. Try to plan on a quieter existence during those times.

If you have access to a massage therapist to help you relax your body, it will be helpful. Be careful about any neck massage work. Neck work should be gentle.

My best to you.

Stay in touch. You will likely see improvements very slowly.

[Galaxy1012]

Last year in March I got into a fight with my dad and smashed my head against a wall. I have never been the same since and I regret it so much. I keep going back into those memories and try to analyse the hit to try to remember if it was moderate or severe. I wasnt unconscious but my skull hurt so much I thought there is a crack in it. I still have occasional pain on that spot even after 16 months. Add more B vitamins and keep patience. Your brain will recover. Also get your neck checked. I am not sure if our nature of injury would have injured our upper neck. But get it checked by a chiro or a PT.

[DazedandConfused86]

Thank you, both of you. :')

@Mark: Even when I was just lurking, your posts have been extremely helpful. Uplifting, too. Not sure about the wall's material, but it's somewhat hollow... even though that probably doesn't matter much.

I wish I punched the wall or something, instead of hurting my brain like that. :'( It's too fragile. I know I can't change the past, but I'm just so disappointed in myself haha. Doesn't help I did "that" just a few days after graduation. I'm constantly comparing my mental state to how I was pre-concussion, and I'm worried if I'll be able to handle college (unfortunately, I can't afford a gap year) and... ughhh. I'm never doing that again.

Heh. When I went to the doctor about my back, he said the same thing about how I manage stress. (Well, more like lack of management.) But I didn't tell him about my head-banging-- my parents didn't want me to "get a reputation as a psycho". I don't blame them, but... I don't know. I wish I could've gotten it checked out earlier. I'm dealing with this all alone.

I'm just sick and tired of feeling depressed/anxious and sleepy all the time. ;; I'm extremely thankful I'm not having constant headaches / facial neuralgia anymore, but... these mood problems, depersonalization, and sleepiness will eventually go away, I hope?

I've never done / don't do contact sports, other than swimming in some rough ocean waves (occasionally) and I definitely don't drink either. So at least that's working in my favor...

@Galaxy: Your posts are actually what motivated me to join and post, since we had similar circumstances. Not sure what's "worse" - one hard knock, or multiple smaller knocks... But the fact you've been recovering (however slowly) gives me some hope.

Same here about constantly thinking about the "incident". ): I know it's not doing me any good, but still. What bothers me is I had a choice on whether to injure myself or not. What I thought would be a temporary release of anger has caused me so much pain - physical, but mostly mental.

I'm not sure about neck injuries either? I guess it's worth looking into. My neck muscles have been feeling very stiff -- but again, I'm not sure if that's from overexertion (lifting, cleaning, swimming, etc.) coupled with bad posture from sitting at a computer during the school year. I've been doing neck stretches and they seem to help with the tension, slightly.

I wouldn't think I injured my neck from that head-banging? It was about as hard (and repetitive) as knocking on a door with your fist. Maybe a little less hard... but that might be wishful thinking. ):

[DazedandConfused86]

(Not sure how to edit posts.)

What's making all this harder for me - I'm still living at home, and I'm still having fights with my dad. When I told him about my headaches and how I needed to rest/relax after hitting my head, he called me a hypochondriac... and to stop dwelling on it.

I can't get out of the house. I wanted to take my driver's test a few weeks ago, but now that I'm so tired... I don't trust myself on the road for the time being.

I don't know how to tell my dad I want (or need) to take it easy this summer. The stress is just making everything worse.

[Mark in Idaho]

DandC,

I wonder if you need some professional counseling to help you deal with stress and conflict. A hollow wall greatly reduced the impact forces compared to a solid concrete or other masonry wall. I'm thinking your mild concussion like injury was magnified by the high stress level in your life. Finding a safe outlet for your stress and frustration may be a big help. Denying a need for help is considered just as psycho by many. A psychologist who specializes in stress management should be able to help you reduce any psycho labels.

How did those college essays turn out ? btw, If you need to write more and mention your injury, the grammatically correct term is 'by accident' vs 'on accident.' "bonked my head twice on accident" Your generation tends to use the latter for some reason but a college may be picky about grammar.

You may find it helpful to get a comprehensive hormone assessment. Many have found it helpful. Raging hormones can affect all the symptoms you mention. Smoothing out the cycle may be helpful.

Please do not try to go this alone. A little help now can make your college years much easier.

My best to you.

[Galaxy1012]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused86

Thank you, both of you. :')

@Mark: Even when I was just lurking, your posts have been extremely helpful. Uplifting, too. Not sure about the wall's material, but it's somewhat hollow... even though that probably doesn't matter much.

I wish I punched the wall or something, instead of hurting my brain like that. :'( It's too fragile. I know I can't change the past, but I'm just so disappointed in myself haha. Doesn't help I did "that" just a few days after graduation. I'm constantly comparing my mental state to how I was pre-concussion, and I'm worried if I'll be able to handle college (unfortunately, I can't afford a gap year) and... ughhh. I'm never doing that again.

Heh. When I went to the doctor about my back, he said the same thing about how I manage stress. (Well, more like lack of management.) But I didn't tell him about my head-banging-- my parents didn't want me to "get a reputation as a psycho". I don't blame them, but... I don't know. I wish I could've gotten it checked out earlier. I'm dealing with this all alone.

I'm just sick and tired of feeling depressed/anxious and sleepy all the time. ;; I'm extremely thankful I'm not having constant headaches / facial neuralgia anymore, but... these mood problems, depersonalization, and sleepiness will eventually go away, I hope?

I've never done / don't do contact sports, other than swimming in some rough ocean waves (occasionally) and I definitely don't drink either. So at least that's working in my favor...

@Galaxy: Your posts are actually what motivated me to join and post, since we had similar circumstances. Not sure what's "worse" - one hard knock, or multiple smaller knocks... But the fact you've been recovering (however slowly) gives me some hope.

Same here about constantly thinking about the "incident". ): I know it's not doing me any good, but still. What bothers me is I had a choice on whether to injure myself or not. What I thought would be a temporary release of anger has caused me so much pain - physical, but mostly mental.

I'm not sure about neck injuries either? I guess it's worth looking into. My neck muscles have been feeling very stiff -- but again, I'm not sure if that's from overexertion (lifting, cleaning, swimming, etc.) coupled with bad posture from sitting at a computer during the school year. I've been doing neck stretches and they seem to help with the tension, slightly.

I wouldn't think I injured my neck from that head-banging? It was about as hard (and repetitive) as knocking on a door with your fist. Maybe a little less hard... but that might be wishful thinking. ):

Don't worry. Your brain is capable of recovering more than you would expect. It just needs a lot of time. I couldn't walk fast for the first 6 months, couldn't jump or travel in cars because the jolts and bumps would drive me crazy! Even going to grocery stores or malls would exhaust me pretty soon and then the lights and sounds! All this has been improving gradually. I am much better than I was a year ago. Get atleast 30 minutes of walk daily and minimum 8 hours of sleep at night. Eat anti inflammatory diet and do those neck exercises. Have faith that you and we all will come out of it someday. Practice yoga and breathing exercises they do wonders to your body believe me. What cannout kill you makes you stronger!

[Bud]

Dazed,

It sounds to me like stress/ anxiety symptoms. I like mark am doubtful you have a major disease.

One of my first clues to anxious thoughts setting in is clinched teeth and a sore jaw. I have just recently realized that the clinching is what gets my head injury site sort most of the time now and not the injury itself.

Anxiety is a funny creature but is beatable with knowledge and persistence. I learned a lot about it at anxietycentre.com this winter.

The good thing is you are discovering this about yourself at a young age and can make necessary changes before you have a long life of ingrained anxious habits and behaviors to change, it gets hard then. I wish I had known what I know now at your age.

Bud