I think it's safe to say that this condition has not heightened my appreciation for the holiday season. I feel poor enough on a day to day basis as is - I could really do without a bunch of stress and extended family members making matters even less tolerable.

I guess I'm just having one of those days though, I just want to be left alone until I can fall asleep tonight... not exactly the best spot to be in on Thanksgiving, eh?

Hi didn't you even enjoy the food???????? It gets a bit sad when I think that the favourite thing in life is sleep but I also love food!
Lucy

Hey PCS McGee,
I hope you get thorough the holidays!! The good thing is that you are conscious of these feelings, however painful they are. Do not beat yourself up that you are feeling this way, just do not let them invade your brain, like an uninvited guest. Good days and bad days are normal, stay positive and focused in your recovery. Hey just look at them as really difficult workouts. Happy Post Thanksgiving!
Nancy

I know what you mean. I hosted Thanksgiving dinner yesterday for 9 people. One of which is someone that causes me a lot of anxiety. I'm already anxious, so this was the last thing I needed. I decided to take my Klonipin in the morning instead of evening to help me get through it.

Turns out that she wasn't as bad as she's been in the past- so I put myself through a lot of stress and anxiety for nothing.

I posted video's of me getting ready and having a bit of a panic attack (I do video blogging from time to time to go on my blog because my readers like to see the 'real' me). Feel free to watch if you'd like. At least you'll see a face to my name.

Funny thing did happen though. I set the table on Wednesday, and when I went to put some of the condiments out on Thursday, I noticed that I'd put two spoons (instead of a spoon and knife) in one setting and didn't put any silver wear at all in one place.

That's one of the things that's driving me really crazy. All the weird things I'm doing- like I'm on autopilot and the autopilot isn't driving me to the right place.

I hope you ALL had a happy Thanksgiving, in spite of it all.

To PCS Mc Gee

Hope you had a good Thanks Giving.

Are you making any progress on your reseach in Nuerofeedback?

Take Care Jeffn

I haven't done any more research on Neurofeedback recently... I was working with a healer guy and was reaping really good benefits, but then a random mishap smacked a rolled up carpet onto my head.

Understandably, I'm not a happy camper - God's seriously on my **** list right now.

To PCS McGee I know what you mean one step forward and two steps backwards that seems to be the game plan with TBI/PCS.

I think it's time to change the rules. This walking around being dysfunctional is a waste of time for me so it's time to take off the gloves and get down to whats causing these symptoms.

Hope to be on line with neurofeedback by the first of the year, still have a few pieces to put together but making progress.

McGee I hope you get back on your feet very soon and yes I have days when I get mad at God also.

Take Care Jeffn

I certainly agree with your sentiments about changing the rules, but I've been trying to do that for a very long time now. I've always known from day 1 following my injury (or at least the first day I realized it wasn't healing properly) that either this trauma or I needed to go, we simply cannot coexist. So I've fought and I've fought, and I've invoked science alongside religion, and while even after my most recent injury I'm now in a MUCH better place than I was in 4 years ago (or 3, or 2, or 1), I am still not in a place that is okay. It's unacceptable.

Discussing various topics both with people who suffer from PCS as well as those who suffer from a less specialized form of PTSD, I've found that a lot of folks with problems similar to mine develop these incredibly complex algorithms that they follow to navigate their way through each day. While I'm impressed with their ability to cope, I also realize that I couldn't be further removed from their view on life. I think I'm just too damn stubborn to cope, or at least to develop coping mechanisms permanently. I will not make compromises with life - I will live it, or I will leave it. These are the terms. This above all else: To thine own self be true, eh?

I apologize for the lack of cohesion here... I think after 55 months of this stuff, I'm just very tired. I'm not giving up yet, nor did I write this while dangling off the edge of a tall building, but this latest injury has me frightened, confused, and depressed... I suppose I just needed to vent. Anyone who could give me a mention in their prayers tonight would be greatly appreciated; the big guy just seems to have turned a deaf ear to my family.

Your in my prayers McGee, and you will over come this dark night.
Jeffn

Hi, I said a prayer for you too from over here. Can you remind me what happened to you and when - I either haven't seen or have forgotten. I really don't know what to say to you, other than that old cliche - but I do think that I understand some of how you feel, every time I bang, trip or shake my head up I am thinking "I can't do this all from the start again" and am absolutely terrified that I'll be back where I was at 6 years ago. I found what I believe minimises damage or shortens recovery from the new bang and that is shutting myself up in a dark room for 3 days and basically doing nothing. 6 weeks ago when I banged my head again I was sent off for another c/t scan - I discharged myself as the hospital was too noisey for me and thought that it was doing more harm than good. Being told to be careful all the time doesn't do anything other than make me want to scream - for goodness we are always being careful none of us want to bang our heads again ever!! Lynlee