In case you don't know me from the chat site, I'm a survivor of tbi. In March, 2007, I slipped on the ice and fell onto my head. Caused intracraneal hemorrhage, as a plate shifted on impact in left temporal lobe. I've been fighting major depression since - and I just feel alone. While I KNOW that there are *many* survivors out there, I cannot seem to pull myself up out of this funk!

Physical, financial, emotional, marital, parenting problems- you name it. My life just really stinks Then, I feel like a jerk for complaining. Countless people have it much worse than I! Who am I to complain when others are freaking fighting to live?? I feel so guilty, I don't even go onto the support link anymore. Instead, I just keep living. Forcing myself to stay in the moment, rather than look back on the past - and all that is gone. It is so hard!

I just thought I'd introduce myself here. Maybe some of you have felt the same & have pointers to share. I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere I go.

Shez

Hi Shez, try to concentrate on the positive in your life. If you can try to turn your experience into something positive by helping others.

I have found that complaining and talking about symptoms does not make me feel any better, it actually makes me feel worse.

I am glad you are here, things will get better, concentrate on enjoying the life the best you can.
I have not had any depression, I think it is because I am just glad to be able to do a little more each day. I concentrate on the things that I can do instead of the things I cannot do.

Someone was telling me enjoy each moment as nothing lasts forever.

hi shez

I can relate to how you feel, have you seen a nuero psychologist ,its like greaving for a lost part of self, but there is hope, I think its a matter of adjustment I go to a head injury group once a week , and it helps but dose bring me down as well, Prozac took the edge of it but also made my cognition and motivation worse so I came off it and take omega 3 twice a day multi vits also and I can say I have improved a little and feel I can do more and stay more focal posting on this board helps us all and I know its not easy to share of our self,s in a few more days it will be for me a year since my injury, and with Christmas coming it is hard to take but I will do my best for my family

we are not alone nanu nanu shazbut is you Handel from the mork and mindy show if its not you won,t get the joke

kind regards vini

Hi Vini,

Thank you for the welcome. Yes, my nickname is from Mork & Mindy- nanu nanu

I have seen a neuro psychologist, as most of my problems are brain-related. My case is complicated. I have epilepsy, in which the seizure focus was removed 3/06. Depression began a couple of months after surgery, and the epileptologist put me on anti-depressants. I finally gained control over my seizures in September or October, then slipped on the ice 3/07 and fell on the same part of my head! I had a moderate-major concussion.

The mild TBI brought my seizures back, which caused AED medication to be doubled, and increased my depression significantly. I have been on many anti-depressants, and have added mood stabalizers to gain some control.

I have worked with the TBI group at Mayo Clinic. The occupational therapist and neuropsychologist were most helpful to me. The OT did tell me months ago that I would be in psychotherapy for the rest of my life. I assume primarily due to the area removed in surgery, and that the TBI increased symptoms. I do know that those with mild TBI's most often have the most difficult time adjusting to life afterwards. Maybe that is where I am. I don't know.

My case is unusual. More than a couple of doctors have told me that I've got a heck of a lot going on. The difficulty is that I feel even more alone. I know that I sound like I'm stuck in a pity-party. Maybe I am! I just wish that I could make a personal connection with someone who understands and cares. That's all.

Shez

I know what you mean about the alone bit - I was like that until I found this site. I have been to our local brain injury coffee meeting and felt that the other few people were a lot worse than me and felt like I didn't fit in any where. I was the only one attempting to work in my existing employment still.

Being told that you look really good etc makes you feel even worse as your brain screams at you inside your head that it is so tired and hurts. I have repeatedly asked my specialists if they know anybody locally that I could meet who is similar to me - no luck - I just don't think they get how alone you feel. Last year I went to a concussion seminar run by Barry Willer (Canadian) - in the middle of it I had to go and have my afternoon sleep in my car. At the end I went and spoke to him and he said that there was nothing that could be done for me - it wasn't nice to hear that - I am forever hopeful of something.

Anyway the woman that is the local co ordinator for the TBI group was there and I spoke to her about who was still going to the coffee group - she mentioned one particular person and I repllied "but she is a lot worse than I am!" and she just looked at me oddly - at that moment I felt like jumping off the balcony as I thought "am I as bad as her or does she just think I am crazy?" I think that is when I first started to become depressed.

Lynlee

hi

I to feel the isolation and its ok to say we feel this way ,they say it can be harder for people that were, more ,how can I say, alpha in there lives pre tbi , that is not to say all of us, don.t suffer, but it is the lost of status and feeling of self worth, and being in a room and people, talking about you in the 3rd person , for me I live in the now I can remember a show in the seventy's but cant remember what I had for breakfast or a persons name I just spoke to and it frustrates me all the meds in the world cant change that so, its down to me with help to come up with ways of coping/ also the tremors frustrate me , used to cave jade as a hobby I have just finished a piece ,I want to give Christmas present to my family , but due to all this money is not there, so I have changed the way I cave holding the piece in a heavy vice and the cutting bit fixed and moving the vice I will bump up my thread on creative corner ,its a small project, not a half a mill engineering project that I use to complete, but for me its giving me back something this tbi took, the depression try's to stop us trying( EG I would look at a task and not act do you know what I mean ? ) I try to use tools in a different way like my computer is my brain attachment,

we all have something special to give the Art bit of my brain wants to create and will find ways to do so

the head ache just plain sucks
this board has helped me thanks buddys

SHEZ--
thanks for sharing . Hope you'll continue.... and more so that you find some things that help...
i don't hear or feel "pity-party" in your post-- only what is so for you.
I empathize and can relate to much...


there are people who care, but not many who can really understand the many ways TBI affects
how it can exacerbate or cause other conditions, problems, issues..
that do change and affect Life, living and so much more...

How to Live with injured, damaged dysfunctional Brain and affects, has been a big issue, and question
my 'story' , situation, different than yours (and others) but seems similar journey-- quest


Recovery, 'healing' is a process
as unique as each person & brain that's been injured...

will try to write more later --now my 'stuff' --headache/pain and some other problems, say STOP
also PC --which seems to mirror my situation in many ways--acting up resulted in lost replys, posts, and more ..frustration

hope more can /will be shared, that'll be helpful, to you and others who are dealing with similar issues
and know , feel NOT [so] alone...

wish All the Best

Hi Shez, I am sending you a hug.

Hi Lynlee,

Thanks for writing back, and sharing your personal experiences. I have gone to my local TBI support group meetings, but I certainly don't compare to their personal experiences. The people in my TBI group were in comas for months. They have awakened and thank God for every day of their life! That is wonderful that they not only survived but personally grew from the experience. I am very happy for TBI survivors!

Being on the mild end of the spectrum seems to be a double-edged sword. Yes, we survived! We should be happy. We should be thankful for all that we have. Sympathy and understanding are often absent in professionals and friends - I only know a few people who truly understand the effects the TBI and surgery have had upon my life. It would be great if these people played a larger part of my life! But, that's not in the cards. Those who are a daily part of my life understand less of me than I do! Which is actually kind of bad, LOL!

Thank you for posting, take care!
Shez

Hi vini,

Thanks for your response. I appreciate your understanding. I've yet to find my external interest, but maybe it will come soon. I can see how art work would be helpful. Cool that you work with jade- must be very rewarding when you finish pieces!

Shez