[xxxxcrystalxxxx]

Saw my therapist today. He is a great guy. Out of all the doctors I've seen he has been the most helpful. My neuropsychologist at the head injury clinic kept telling me my anxiety is hindering my recovery. I'm always trying to tell him, yes I have anxiety but I would think a certain amount of anxiety is normal considering all the changes in me.

Today my therapist told me he's trying to get in touch with the neurologist who told me that he was concerned that my cognitive deficits aren't going to improve. He feels that my problems are more depression and frustation and not anxiety. I told him that even though it's been eight 1/2 months that I am struggling with the changes in me. How can I not be? For 38 years I've been one way and now..well not so much.

I'm not losing hope I will regain some of my cognitive functioning but I also need to realize the new me might be here to stay and the old me is just that...old.

I'm sad, frustrated, angry and more angry that this happened to me. I'm sick of dealing with my head and really would do anything to get me back.

I know I should be grateful and I am. I know there are alot of people with more problems and I need to remind myself of this. There are times when pity sets in. Who wouldn't?

How do you guys learn or deal with the acceptance of your daily struggles? Did you all have an "ah ha" moment and I need to be patient?

I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. My therapist says because I look good it's really hard to imagine what is going on in my head. He says if I had lost a leg or arm then it's pretty final...it's not coming back. A head injury is so complex and so unknown that all they really can do is go on my symptoms.

Hope everyone is having a good day. It's almost 70 today. I had to nap after my appt. I was drained. Hoping there will be time left to enjoy this lovely weather.

Thanks all!!

[Mark in Idaho]

crystal,

Glad to hear your found someone who can support you in an understanding way.

I have had to deal with this concept of the new me many times over the decades of my condition.

Time, experience, and learning to make sound decisions have helped me immensely. The reality is that I can not undo the damage from my first bad concussion. I can't blame or continue to blame. It is wasted negative mental energy.

With PCS, we can only work on the future. Learning coping skills and work-arounds should be the focus.

Years ago, I was visiting my parents from across the US. My mother commented about how stressed I was when I first arrived and how I was a different person once I had time to settle down. This caused me to think hard about my life and make some changes. It has been a long progression as I have made steps along the way to reduce stress and learn more coping skills.

The most important coping skill I have learned has been to let go of the past. Whether it was a mistake, someone's malicious action, or an accident or whatever, it is the past and it can not be changed. The only thing I can change is MY attitude. My attitude effects MY future and how I impact those around me.

There is an axiom, A fool does not learn from their own mistakes. A smart person does learn from their own mistakes. A wise person learns from OTHERS mistakes.

I try to avoid the first, be consistent with the second and look for opportunities to be the third.

I have also learned that this me has an ability to observe situations and respond to them in a more positive way because of my concussion history.

I count this as an improvement in who I am. I met a 53 yo man last night who has a history similar to mine. He has never met anyone who fully understood his condition as being a part of who he is rather than a temporal how he acts. He went away from our time together with a positive sense of himself.

When we can find room to accept our new self, we make way for a myriad of personal improvements.

My best to you.

[EsthersDoll]

My PCP and neurologist haven't really criticized me for being anxious at all, or depressed. They both seem to understand how difficult this process is and has been for me.

My therapist has been a great help and support to me. She doesn't think I'm depressed at all. I realized last week that a part of me kept testing whether I could do stuff thereby overdoing it to prove to myself that I wasn't depressed and that depression wasn't affecting my cognitive functioning and healing process. Just having that realization has allowed me to stop doing that and I'm already feeling better cognitively.

I think you should NOT believe that you will be dealing with the issues you are dealing with now for the rest of your life.

I think you should give it at least two years after your injury just based on what Dr. Glen Johnson's wrote in his Traumatic Brain Injury Survival Guide.

I have recovered some significant leaps in my cognitive functioning and all of them happened well after a year from the date of the accident I was in. Every brain injury is different and everyone seems to heal from them differently.

As far as how I've dealt with what's going on with me, or how I've accepted it, I consciously think that I've been "in limbo" for lack of a better term, since the accident. Sometimes I get very depressed or very anxious and I try overcome or suppress those feelings and/or thoughts and replace them with ones I am in control of ASAP. I tend to think of it as a "this is what I'm dealing with right now" kind of thing.

It makes it harder for me to plan what I may or may not be able to do in the future, so my life has been on hold in a certain sense because I am still healing and recovering and I'm not sure what I will be able to do in the future.

I can say that right now is the closest I've felt to my "normal" that I've felt since the accident and last night I did not feel this well cognitively at all. This morning has been the BEST I've felt cognitively since the accident I was in and that was 19 months ago. I am very excited about this feeling! But two nights ago I was worrying about whether the deficits I was dealing with would be permanent and right now I'm not dealing with them to the same extent that I was then. That doesn't mean they won't come back to a small degree - because with my own recovery I've noticed a lot of two steps forward and one step back type of thing - but I do know that if I feel this well now that I can feel this well again and that also gives me hope that I will still recover even closer to my "normal".

So I really try to focus on and remember the temporariness of what has happened to me.

I do remember having a few "aha" types of moments, but they tended to depend more on my cognitive functioning and cognitive ability to have them myself more than to be told them and then have an emotional ability to accept them. I hope that makes sense.

[Lightrail11]

Originally Posted by xxxxcrystalxxxx

How do you guys learn or deal with the acceptance of your daily struggles? Did you all have an "ah ha" moment and I need to be patient?

I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. My therapist says because I look good it's really hard to imagine what is going on in my head. He says if I had lost a leg or arm then it's pretty final...it's not coming back. A head injury is so complex and so unknown that all they really can do is go on my symptoms.

Hi Crystal.

My TBI was over a year ago, and I still have days where I deal with depression and low motivation. I can't say I had one specific "ah ha" moment, but patience is definately needed. All brain injuries are different and the brain heals on it's own terms and time line, although there are things we can do to help it along.

You talk about gratitude, and that is huge for me. When I get down, I look around and realize how thankful I am to be alive, and that helps. My family also got me a “therapy dog” (world’s cutest pug ) which helps a lot. I’m beginning to learn mindfulness techniques, which I think holds promise for me.

I read a couple of books I found helpful:

"Where is the Mango Princess" by Cathy Crimmins

and

"What Doesn't Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth" by Stephen Joseph PhD

Best to you in your continued recovery

[Klaus]

Originally Posted by xxxxcrystalxxxx

My neuropsychologist at the head injury clinic kept telling me my anxiety is hindering my recovery. I'm always trying to tell him, yes I have anxiety but I would think a certain amount of anxiety is normal considering all the changes in me.

Just because it is normal and understandable to feel a lot of anxiety about your brain not working properly (which it is, obviously!) doesn't mean it isn't hindering your recovery.

I have found that strong and chronic feelings of stress and anxiety have been very bad for me. You should take any opportunity to reduce these feelings, however understandable they are!

I'm sure you are aware of this. Hope you see some improvement soon.