Dear Bobby,

Occasionally we get someone who is the right person sent from the universe to help us at the particular moment for a particular set of issues. That does not seem to be the case with this therapist.

Most of the time, the people we see in our travels through the health care system are trying to do a good enough job for what they need to do. For sure she is not maliciously trying to cause you difficulty. That I am sure. She thinks that she is helping you.

( The fact that she needs a clue bat is another story -- http://www.frontiernet.net/~joe14580/clue%20bat.jpg ).

At times when I could not get a read on someone I made up their back story based on what info I did have about them. I would make up their whole story as if I were drafting an outline for a novel, including where they lunch, their relationship with their mother, how they managed in school, and so on. Later, if I did end up finding out more about them, often my game of imagination was close enough to right to have been useful. . . . I’m not suggesting that. I’m just sharing a strategy I have used.


I wonder if part of the difficulty you are having is that you want to be a little bit closer to her. You are able to connect to Dr. M., the friend who walks with you, the other patients at the clinic, your cleaning lady and her child, but not so much to the therapist. Are you frustrated by not being able to stick a pin on her? Or is it that you have defined her pretty accurately and decided that you don’t like her?

You already figured out her story and are not too happy about it I gather.


Here is an idea you already have:
You can flat out lie to her. Tell her that you have made efforts toward the bathing / changing clothes thing. This way you don’t have to be upset. Let her do her thing. Your goal is to see her every two weeks to be able to see Dr. M. You can do that. The higher purpose is Dr. M. and you can tolerate her until time that something changes (she starts to be more useful for your needs or she leaves or whatever. . . )

Make sure that some things that she says do not upset you and that you leave therapy in peace. It’s only therapy and it’s only every two weeks. You can handle one session with the woman every two weeks.

‘Concerned about you.


M.

I really do have ambivalent feelings towards her. I sort of feel that she thinks her suggestions are the best for me and that they would really help me if i followed her advice. I think she isn't dealing with my situation. Since the market crashed and I lost most of my money, I have been sleeping about three hours a night. Before I was sleeping four or five hours a night. She doesn't get that I am really physically tired most of the time. She doesn't get it that I am so self critical, her suggestions are making me feel bad about myself. that is so counter productive. I will have to tell her that and emphasize that so that she gets it. I am feeling more wired now that I have reduced the dosage of risperdal. I do feel more alive but worry about becoming hypomanic on little sleep. I am getting ready to crash. That is what has been happening since i don't get enough sleep.
bobby

WEll then you must feel like a time bomb waiting to crash, that feeling should be weighed against the feeling of the decreased risperdol. were you sleeping more at the higher dose?
or not really.
sleeping is so needed for us are you getting some naps in?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I agree with you 100% about telling her all of this, and emphasizing it however much is needed so that she gets it. Her job is to deal with your situation, and it also seems to me from what you have said, that she doesn't get the picture. She may have some idea of you feeling tired - but not HOW tired. It's beyond tired, it's fatigue. And it isn't just weight, or just being unfit, or just the meds, or the diabetes, or... on top of it all, "just" having pernicious anemia! EACH of those causes fatigue. And you have ALL of them!!! Yes, drum it in.

Maybe you can get across to her. I hope so!

Am i reading right... you feel as though you are running hypomanic? That's a toughie to balance out with "feeling more alive." I know just how THAT feels because i feel that way tapering my benzo! But i did start to lean hypo. Call Dr. M if you are sleeping even less, since lowering the risperdal OR starting the Celexa. Celexa is an SSRI remember... so that could be affecting you too. Let him know if you sense that you could be getting hypo. Maybe you metabolize it slower than most people, and if so, you might do well on a smaller than typical dose.

glad that you are being vigilant. hang in there.

love

~ waves ~

I have been getting around three hours sleep since the market caved in. I tried raising the risperdal to see if that would help with sleep but it didn't.
i have been crashing the past two days. I have to work on having faith and trust in God and that I am overworrying about what would happen to me if I run out of money. Then I think I could sleep more. I am also begging to deal with feelings of abandonment and rejection. I feel the pain. Maybe I could discuss those issues with her and see what she comes up with for combatting the childhood residue.
Love
Bobby

Dear Bobby,

i think you have some good ideas.

gosh. so the celexa isn't causing it. yikes. i hate to suggest more klonopin you are already taking plenty. and, as i mentioned, i am tapering my benzo and noticing more energy - when i suggested to my pdoc that perhaps it has been subtley robbing me of energy and even causing apathy he said that was indeed quite possible. and when i didn't sleep due to worry... that was even less energy. i'm realizing now those meds can be a bit of a catch-22.

crashing as in more sleep, or crashing as in mood down?yes, i think that would help. also, have you tried deep belly breathing exercises? it is a mechanical way of inducing a more relaxed state.

that sounds like a good idea. give the sessions a good ol' change of direction. perhaps she will be able to come through in that area. and if you are actively suffering from it, now's a good time to try to tackle it. if it is too much you can always back off. you are the client and you get to pick what to work on.

love
~ waves ~

This is true bobby,
you get to decide what you work on in therapy.
good advice waves.
hugs to you today
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

i just feel so awful. i have a cold on top of everything. right now i don't seem to care about anything and i am asking God for his forgiveness but I guess he knows I can't help it and that i really am grateful but just can't feel it.
It is just so painful
Bobby