Waves
I really think you have won the award for


"Most presistent to succeed"

Keep up the good work.

What is our next goal to look forward to a reminder for.

I think its important you have one.

How about September 30th. Long Term.


Maybe August 15th short term.

Donna

Dear Waves,

1. Regarding room temp:
I hate being cold . . . . except I'd rather deal with cold than hot offices.
I pretend that the cold is keeping the general germ level down a little.

Folks at my work keep sweaters, jackets, and even couch throws in their office. It's so cold in my building that we keep the sweaters on when when we go outside because our bodies need the transition. We often need to go from one building to another. We look goofy wearing the winter item over the summer clothes.
One time I took a thermometer into the office. It read well into the 60s. Outside right now it is around 90 for a good part of the day.
Some folks put a heater under their desk although it is against somebody's rules.

Seriously. This is what I often wear: A very thick dark slightly dressy cotton jacket I bought cheap at the end of our winter two years ago. Most times I wear a huge fleece (not dressy!!) jacket over that. The fleece jacket was purchased on line at a mega sale for four dollars at the same time. It is too big. It does keep me warm.
I am double jacketed.
I lend out my couch throw to visitors from other buildings are not wearing their layers. I periodically take the three above items home to wash -- especially if I let someone wear one of the three.
Anyway, it is not fun. I hope that you find ways to cope.

2. Regarding distance/time it takes to go, get coffee, come back:
I guess people in your office are not coffee drinkers. Or they save coffee for the full breaks like lunch. I don't drink coffee but I do like a bathroom nearby. How far are you from a bathroom?

3. Regarding machine is oriented outward towards the passageway:
This is not good. Perhaps it can be mitigated someway. I would not be able to work at all this way until I figured something out.
Is your back facing the entrance way / hall way? Oh.

I hope that other things at work can make up for these things that concern you.

M

Dear Donna

right now my immediate goal is just to get from one day to the next, alive and somewhat functional. i don't have room for anything else. the next goal would be Aug 6 when i get 2 weeks off, but that is too far away, and the 2 weeks are a source of stress for other reasons.

Dear Mari

ditto. nothing to do with germs, i can control excess cold by covering... i cannot control excess heat by uncovering.

i was getting jibbed at all day yesterday, for putting my jacket on. i am more cold than others. i also do not advertise that i have a delicate stomach and will tend to get stomach-ache or chill if i catch cold around the waistline. the jacket was a light windbreaker - but waterproofed. normally i would have brought a cotton cardigan or pashmini, but we had expected rain. i did not feel like carrying bunches of stuff, so i took the windbreaker that covered all bases. we control the thermostat. different ppl have different ideas over how it should be kept. and the thermostat itself seems to have autonomous ideas as to what it should do when it reaches set temp.

very familiar with this scenario. when i worked someplace (in the US)

-- with less rigid social "expectations" of behavior
-- where i'd been working several years, and on permanent hire

certainly it is not fun being teased for wearing something warmer. i am sure the fact it was a jacket contributed. but i would have been anyway even for a more indoorsy thing... i'll have to ignore them till they get so used to it they get bored making fun. that or verbally lash out one day when i can't take any more and ... who knows how that would go. i was teased all through school and highschool. i am super vulnerable to it. but now i am grown and have big pointy teeth... and every now and then... welllllll.....

coffee is done different in this country because espresso is used. ppl where i've worked before had typical "coffee breaks" with coffee being made as needed (usually big automatic dispensers) and consumed in the breakroom:
- morning upon arrival (i don't know if these guys do)
- mid-morning coffee
- one after lunch but since we eat out it comes with
- mid-afternoon

in other places, i did not always observe the breaks, but i felt free make an individual dash and brink a coffee back to my desk. this group hardly even observes the breaks as a group. it's often only 1 or 2 that observe a "break" ... i use it as a drug to counter morning grog or excess lorazepam.
----------
Bathroom is near enough and clean but problematic in other ways. mostly since i had incidents at the other place (and despite being reassured that bathroom had chronic case of incidents years prior to me), i am just slightly bathroom-phobic right now. and these guys will show no mercy in terms of teasing.

hallway/passageway, not entrance. either way. no good. ppl aren't hanging behind me tg.

thanks for the thoughts

~ waves ~

YESTERDAY

apart from being teased about my jacket.... (post above) before, during and after lunch....... all day basically....

the work i was (trying) to do was not cooperating yesterday and things were getting less and less functional instead of more and more and i don't know why. stupid CASE tool. i hate case tools. it is buggy too. it told me some piece of SQL was invalid, so i pasted it into another tool and ran it and it did it - it was fine. their sample app has had its permissions changed so i can't do anything in there at all not even see it. i almost don't have permission to pzzz in this place... do not even administrator privs on my own machine - SUX - for a developer not to have admin privs.

then buncha jabs about consultants over lunch... they don't seem to last long. thanks. a marketing colleague asked with whom i worked and i said these guys and was zealously corrected... even though technically we are all in the same f'ing group. then, that person was informed that i was a consultant. smells like team spirit???

the day yesterday ended with an all-company get together at a nearby place they'd partly rented out.... i dont' know what the celebration was for. i was told/semi-invited. let's just say i was told by several colleagues in a way that seemed inclusive and i went. i wish i hadn't. they all know ppl there... ppl immediately scattered... i felt lost, i couldn't even find a SMALL plate for food.... i wasn't hungry. i found my boss and told him i was leaving and left.... after having to hunt for the exit in a panic... i was already tearing up, outside i just cried and cried all the way to the bus and almost all the way home, then started up again at home.

crying. that sums up my work experiences. even when ppl don't treat me as though incompent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TODAY

i got hit by a sudden migraine which i don't know whether to attribute to my cycle (i lost count for a few months) or if it's due to all the stress yesterday.

i called in sick. tomorrow i see pdoc and have to leave early. that is stressing me out. not sure how all this will go. i don't feel that pdoc is being a lot of help lately.

my head hurts again now so maybe it wasn't over. i will take more medication now since i just ate, before it has a chance to buid up. and get off the computer.

i just want to curl up and die.



~ waves ~

waves I am sorry that they are teasing you...I hate that!
hopefully they will move on to other concerns. sorry about your being locked out of areas of work that you need, can you ask to be included in those areas that you need to work?
the party doesnot sound like fun at all.
sorry that you cried all the way home.
poor girlie.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

i am so sorry you are having such a rough time. the people don't sound like mature adults but more like elementary age. there must be somebody nice in that heap.
hope you feel better
love
bobby

Oh ~waves~ how really awful!

I know how it feels to have no privileges. I work at a library, & on 1 system the volunteers can do more than I can. I've been there 10 yrs & have a PhD, but my job is only part-time. Their equivalent of a consult. Just shows how stupid (right, childish) they are, to waste your ability. ((((HUGS)))). I wish it didn't hurt so, but I know it does.

I can also imagine being at that company party. Been there. Hated it. Now that I'm on a mood stabilizer that works really well, I don't cry quite so much. <grin> But I wish I could have been there for you, because I know what those empty crowds are like. Thing is, there ARE people in this world who would enjoy hanging out with you! We do, here--right?!

& Bobby has a good idea there: Maybe there IS one nice person in that heap of jerks. Maybe someone who would be totally relieved to find another soul who doesn't fit in with the idiots.

Hope that migraine goes away soon.

In any case, please remember we're coming by here with ears to listen & arms to (((((((HUG HUG HUG)))))) so keep coming back.

(((thanks everyone)))

Bizi i did get the access thing fixed - the specific thing i needed though. he said it was an error/goof that i did not have access to that area. but i do not think he gave me admin privs to the entire machine. i was frustrated about the whole thing by then and didn't ask i'll check in the morning but one can work without admin privs ... it's just.... well i've have always, ALWAYS, as staff OR consultant, seen developers have admin rights to their own dang machine, on principle. in fact often we have admin rights to a few other machines too.

that sucks Jude, that they had a principle thing with consultants/PT vs hire?FT in terms of giving privs. and after 10 years of loyal service! here i don't *think* it's because i'm a consultant but i'm not sure. for instance, it looks like others have named ids while i don't .... hmmm. i know they were just joking but seemed like the kinda jokes with a seed of truth... perhaps they had bad experiences with consultants. one thing i was told was "they don't last long." encouraging. anyway, this is peculiar, because where i have worked before, here, i did not encounter such differences - did not know who was consultant unless ppl got on the subject explicitly.

bobby yeah a couple of them act like two year olds. just think they are all married with children. a couple of them, including the most teasy one, can be social and fun, but also noisy and/or annoying. a couple of others seem like almost too serious. the systems guy is the one i somehow feel most comfortable with. even though i bugged the crap out of him the first day locking myself out Lrolleyes:

someone from marketing came to introduce herself to me, since we will be on the same project. the ONLY information she chose to give me, besides her name, was that she's told she's a pest, but that she doesn't mean to be, it's just how her mom made her. (reminded me of Jessica Rabbit's "i'm just drawn that way.") well. that encounter was LESS than reassuring. great pleased to meet you, pest. i don't feel any pressure now.... nooooo.....

well having complained bunches i'd like to share something cool and very unusual about our building. we have indoor lighting. and will have to use it in winter. or maybe on overcast days. but our main source of light are three big skylights with controllable closure panels so you can get slightly more or slightly less. i think that's cool. not that lighting uses a lot of energy but it does use some. (i'm sure the stupid A/C uses more, but i hope to goodness it doesn't break, either, i would not find out what that office is like with NO AC at all!



~ waves ~

thanks for the update/check in.
you sound good!
bizi

Sounds like you've got a handle on a bit of it, not bad for now, eh? Seems like a step or 2 in the direction of progress.
Yea!
You make me happy, yes you do. In so many ways UR doin' it right. I'm making my little efforts too, you spur me on, a step at a time.