NeuroTalk Support Groups - i don't want to go on. feel dead inside.

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Originally Posted by Just Jacquie (Post 808386)

{{{{{{waves}}}}} :hug: I was so surprised to sign on here this morning and find this thread! Your posts have always been so thoughtful and helpful to me, and I hope at least some of us can make you feel a bit better about things :hug:.

thank you Jacquie. i appreciate your taking the time to post to me. i know your plate is already over flowing

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I'm not bipolar, but have just run-of-the-mill depression in addition to my adult ADHD, chronic pain, fibro, etc., but I know how it feels to see your world come crashing down, and be able to live through it and come out the other side. You, perhaps more than anyone, have given me some very concrete advice, 'theories', and tons of support, and I hope that we are able to give you at least some comfort, a smile, and the support that helps you see what a valuable person you are!

Wow, i appreciate that. i am certainly glad to have been of help. i stick around hoping to be of help, the way i was helped a long time ago. But also because i have very dear and long-standing friendships here.

as for me, you know that song that goes "well i've been to georgia and ... california and... any where i could run [...] i've been to paradise but i've ... never been to me." that's how i feel and that feeling has grown and grown. for many years, i had a different feeling, one of a coiled spring, that was ready to bounce into action, waiting for a cue... but i was waiting for Godot, and here i am the spring has lost tension, and i still don't really know where i was supposed to go... had i allowed that spring to spring. now, i am in fall no longer spring. free fall indeed. :(

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Do you find any comfort in your music? I envy anyone who can sing AND accompany themselves!

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I've never mentioned this, but I have a strange neurological problem with my hands; a doctor said it was called synkinesia, and what it means is that my hands mirror each other when moving my fingers. I will wiggle fingers on one hand, and the fingers on the other hand do the same thing ~~ seems and looks weird, but makes it nearly impossible to play piano, or any other instrument. As with many other 'quirks', I've learned to adapt, but it remains a frustrating deterrent to doing certain fine motor activities...

fascinating as Spock might say. i'd not heard of that. i had never heard of synkinesia, but i do think that our bodies tend towards some degree of mirroring. yes, any instrument would be a challenge but, at least, no one can ever say that your right hand doesn't know what your left hand is doing, eh? ;) i wonder, have you ever attempted specific neurological retraining?

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YOU, on the other hand (no pun intended!) can sing AND play guitar, andI bet you are really good! Do you write songs? Some folks can express what they are feeling through their music, are you in that talented group of musicians?

i am not prolific but i write songs yes, and poetry. it would be more correct to use the past tense since over the past ten years such occurrences have been rare. songs only when i have time/space/privacy to sit with my guitar and "fiddle" ... improvise... i used to do this with a tape running. and then if i caught anything interesting i'd extend the lyrics. in past depressions i wrote some rather dark music. recently i did this one day... but no recording so who knows if i'll remember it. and who knows what will happen to all the others i have tapes of. 20 year old tapes. and nobody sells tape players any more so it's about as good as having punched cards, probably worse.

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Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that you are doing the right thing to discuss it here amongst people who know, love and understand you :grouphug:. I hope you will get some sleep and awaken with a more optimistic outlook. Please keep posting; this place wouldn't be the same without you!! KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON !!

thanks so much Jacquie (((hugs)))

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PS...I saw your "see no evil..." icon in your signature, a was a bit taken aback -- I guess that is reflecting your current mood ;) ?

something like that. a reminder to myself not to obsess over harm done to me when i am powerless to do anything about it, my efforts to do so having backfired violently (in my face where else)... so see ho evil hear no evil speak no evil... don't listen, don't look, and don't object - rather, turn the other cheek. it isn't entirely working. i'd have to poke my eyes out and i'm not ready to do that. but then nobody said life was fair.

waves

p.s. i am tired ... i will be back later, or perhaps tomorrow to answer other posts. but i appreciate all of you being here for me.