[waves]

i saw pdoc tuesday. i couldn't stay still and was a runaway train.

he asked me questions abuot frequency and stuff. and sleep. he asked more questions than usual.

he upped my depakote again

i am supposed to go abroad next week and he said not a good idea i'f i'm still this way - not clear on why. he wants to check in by phone before leaving we can't fit another appt this week.

but i'm still gonna go though. i mean he'd have to give me a real good reason. i'm still going to be in the EU so it's not like i have to go through immigration. so what if i look happy ... or extemporaneously euphoric... ppl going on vacatioin can be *REALLLL* excited, right... so that would "explain" ...who would know it's been going and going.... LOL

~ waves ~

[Mari]

Waves,
I think he wants you to remember to take the full Depakote dose he chose for you. How long does the extra dose take to become effective? I'm thinking a few days.

This is a bit out of character for him. He leaves you be most of the time. I can see why this surprised you.

I'm a little unclear about why you are too manic to go out of town but not too manic to commute back and forth to work every day.

M

[Mari]

Waves,
I think I answered my own question. Traveling is different from working.

Yesterday I spoke to my sister about an almost normal conversation earlier that day. I told her that my goal every time I interact with someone is not to get hauled away in cuffs and a police car. I told her that I had a good day. I came home and under my own power.

I'm not even manic but I feel manic energy . . . as if I could go from below baseline and skip up past out-of-control very easily. I don't know what that is about but I feel that even though I am fundamentally depressed, I can hold my entire range of emotions in the same moment of interaction.

M.

[DiMarie]

Thinking of you both, hoping the extra energy can be channeled into great days.

[Mari]

Dear Di and Waves,

Whoops. I didn't mean to hijack the thread. I was only trying to figure out what happens when one travels with mania along for the ride.

M.

[john1947]

Hi,
If the issue is a triviality it makes no difference which way we go.Do the thing we fear to do.think plan and act.Any decision will steady you.feelings arnt facts.Nervous people are people pleasers.

Hope you have a good trip

john

[bizi]

have a good trip waves just be careful..make sure you are getting enough sleep. I can understand about the fear of you traveling...not in your usual environment...routine to help stabilize you. You could get really reved up on your trip. please take emergency meds with you.
bizi

[Pamster]

I hope you have a great trip waves! I am sure it will be good, I have a love hate thing with traveling. I like it but have a lot of anxiety about being robbed or something awful like that. Like at home, while we're gone....I try not to think about it but it plagues me. Hope the increase in medication helps waves, take care!

[waves]

HI EVERYONE:

editing this to say i posted out of order... i mean mixed up not in order that you psted but i did reply to each of you.

Originally Posted by Mari

Waves,
I think he wants you to remember to take the full Depakote dose he chose for you.

HUHHH?????? but I was!!!! he thought i was only taking 1000mg!!!! but he had upped me (don't aske me WHEN it's on a pc of paper somewhere and ONLY coz i need it for beurocratic purpsos) to 1300. when i told him i was at 1300 he was surprised and said ahh well we can see if the gabapentin helps with restlessness i told him it has always been usless for mood so did he want me to go 1500 on depakote (smidgeon increas0 and no he didnt. this time he decided it and i am doing it and i am not exactly clear what abou this rememebering to take exactly what he says he's the one doesn't have i've been on 1300 a good while now.

sx come and go are better and worse somedays or during parts of day but just about every day at various times. so i think he saw me during a "worse" spell and i TOLD him they come and go but maybe first time he really got a good wallop of it first hand. he looked worried the whole time i was there.

This is a bit out of character for him. He leaves you be most of the time. I can see why this surprised you.

yest but i always tell him and i see him often - if not i text or call to ask/adviSe. ALWAYS.

I'm a little unclear about why you are too manic to go out of town but not too manic to commute back and forth to work every day.

i dunno too. maybe it has something to do with the authorities... he could be called in to intervene here, not there. i get really talkative w/ ppl i don't know sometimes it can be invasive... i guess it depends on how ppl react...i can also be really bossy and tell people off if ppl like yesterday i told off 2 women for hogging the bus and not letting ppl off first - there is a sign and it is more of a pictogram and custom, i told them COURTESY!!!! meanwhile i guess i was not being very courteous how i spoke to them let me tell you. then again these ppl are liable to knock over old ladies and such i can't exactly say i feel sorry about it either they needed to be told LOOK HERE.... and 4 kids of course following parents example. other than kids were gentle women were brash and lowd and runned be the rung way.

~ waves ~

[waves]

Originally Posted by Pamster

I hope you have a great trip waves! I am sure it will be good, I have a love hate thing with traveling. I like it but have a lot of anxiety about being robbed or something awful like that. Like at home, while we're gone....I try not to think about it but it plagues me. Hope the increase in medication helps waves, take care!

Oh Dear Pam how awful to have fears like that... no, i am good with travel i am looking forward... mild anxiety just about getting everything together but i purposely planned not to leave like tomorrow after work and instead friday afternoon i don't even have to get up early on monday afternoon flight... doing this as stres free as possible.

thank you for you kind thoughts and wishis i hope everything will fall into place including me aslong as i don't "fall" into a bad place you know... lol... but its weird that sorta should hav happened in spring - acrash... but didn't.

:hugs::hugs:

~ waves ~