Hi Waves!

I hope you can feel the love that I am seeing going your way!!!

I had to crawl out from under the covers to let you know how much you mean to me... I know I lurk 99.99% of the time. I read every post of what's going... I care about YOU and everyone else.

Waves, there has been many a dark night when I wasn't sure that I wanted to breath the next day and I would read what was going on.. and would think... If Waves has the strength to fight, to get through what is going on in her life then I can to. Waves I see so much strength in you it often leaves me in awe!!!

I don't know what's going on I just know I care and wanted you to know... you are wanted and loved here...

Abbie

(((((((((((((((( Abbie! )))))))))))))))

i think about you soooo much... i read your posts too and i realize (i can't say i *know* ... i know you know that, but from your meticulous descriptions i have a clue...) and talk about admiration, woman... YOU! i admire YOU!!! i look to YOU as the strong one!!! WOW. And I have thought that about you too... if Abbie can stick with it, I can stick with it...

well hearing these words from YOU just blows me away, whooosh! no words. Thank you! but thank you is not enough!

I am so SOOO glad, Abbie, if i have made a difference in your life, honestly, i tried, but i didn't know that i was, how much i was, whether i really could. it is so good to know i've helped you and...

Let me know if there is anything else i can do... I want you to keep being here!!! And i pray for you to get better, too. But as it is, I am so glad you keep deciding, meanwhile, to just take the next breath...

can you manage to tell us how you've been? any glimmers with new therapy?

lots and lots of love to you Abbie dear

you have no idea how much your post means to me.

~ waves ~ with room-temperature, vacuum-cushioned s

I have no real words for all the last posters to Waves.

Except Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You have said, all the things I think, wish I knew the words to say.

And really feel every moment of the day.


((((((Waves))))))


Remember you are loved, Donna

Waves... give me a few days (Maybe a couple of weeks) and I will do my best to get back to you all with how I am doing... I will say the next step is to see a Movement Specialist... I have no idea what this is all about...but see her in 2 weeks. I know it has to do with the fact that my right foot wants to turn backwards and my toes want to touch my heal.

As far as my BP goes... I see my Pdoc on Tuesday....she's been wanting to hospitalize me for the last couple of months... but I've managed to talk my way out of it... don't know how or why.

Love and Hugs

Abbie

Dear Abbie

thanks so much for the update! good luck with the movement specialist, look forward to hearing back (take the time you need, no worries).

as for the hospitalization... i guess it's a tough call... can they meet your needs in the psych ward would be my concern... i wouldn't want it to be worse than home - in terms of stimuli you don't have control over. i want you safe though, that's for sure.

keep in touch!

love

~ waves ~

Dear Abbie,

Big hugs.

Mari

Just wanted to post again and say how much I can identify with that feeling of having to really KICK Myself to MAKE it to appts. It's not an easy thing sometimes. My tdoc once told me and I am sure you've all heard it before, but Fake it until you make it. That is what I do and somehow a smile can become fully sincere in a split second. I do it all the time when I am forced to go out in the world and shop or get errands done, people want to see me doing well mainly because of the disability, I think that it's something to do with it reassuring them that disability doesn't have to mean the end of the world you know? Anyway, the point in mentioning it is that I don't always FEEL like that inside, but by the time I am done with the interaction with the cashier or whoever I DO feel like that inside. It's like it flips some internal switch I have worked at making happen.

Now it's hard to let that guard down around my pdoc, but I do work at it, I just don't fully trust her yet, she's still new and I am afraid she's gonna end up leaving and I'll have to get used to a new pdoc, so it's hard to really open up, plus its only a twenty odd minute appt anyway and you can't really accomplish jack squat in that time frame and I suppose you're not meant to, it's a med management appt and all, but even so I just worry about her leaving me high and dry.

Hang in there waves! We're all pulling for you! :grouhug:

Dear Pam

Thanks for this thoughtful post. when it comes to going out... the fake it till i make it... doesn't quite make it yet.... i do not feel better after i am home. i am drained from faking it. i have been going around in a state of detachment. i sing softly to myself. this last time i sang hymns. occasionally you get stared at but the detachment helps with that. and also knowing that most ppl around me are much louder than me with their own mess of sounds. so, what of it if i want to talk to god in the form of music?

i did one nice thing, i reached out to help someone - it was an instinctive because i had a couple of blind friends at one time and learned to guide somewhat. it was rush hour and a young man, blind but also with seeming mild gait impairment got off the train right before me. i asked if he wanted a guide before i knew what i was thinking and he accepted. i think it was ok. but i think i will do a course on "standard protocol" when i feel better. it is not the first time i do this, and if i'm going to go headlong into these situations, i better shape up!

see there was one part of the stairs i couldn't describe quickly and he almost stumbled. of course he had my arm so it was ok, but i felt bad... like maybe i got more in the way in the end. i tried to remind myself that he did accept. i've offered before and been told, no thanks i'm fine. i tried to tell myself i had good intentions and probably he was grateful. but then i worried and worried over it for ages. even reaching out... sigh... causes me difficulty right now.

THAT SAID. the thing about fake it till you make it is applicable in another area of my "life" right now. so you know what - it was really helpful to hear it. THANKS. And also for taking the time to post again.

((((hugs))))

~ waves ~ hoping your pdoc sticks around and you feel more comfortable soon.

((((Hugs Waves)))))


I personally feel it was totally okay.

Donna

thanks Donna. i appreciate that. i had a gut sense of his being smothered and others around were all rushy.... i felt protective i think is what did it.

i think the association for the blind here almost surely probably provides a training course for guides, so i am going to keep this idea on the back burner for when i am a bit better. because i have partial skills, i sometimes offer without thinking. but after i did think about it, i believe i should get "proper" training...

see, with a person you guide regularly, as used to do with my friend, you learn their preferences and physically tune to each other over time, so little verbal exchange is required at all. we mostly would chat. but when helping a stranger, i think knowing protocol would be useful. the point is not to "give help" so much as for them to "receive help." if one's "giving" is a hindrance, then it is no good - it is possibly dangerous to them, for all one's good intentions.

but thank you for affirming me. the guy was perfectly fine, so no harm done, and certainly the experience gave me a chance to think about this, and how i can improve.

~ waves ~