they have other activities such as yoga and crafts but i don't feel like participating in them. I don't know what is wrong with me. I went to the yoga once and was bored. I used to do needlepoint when i was young but now needlework doesn't interest me. I have been in a funk for so long. I keep on thinking about death.
i called my girlfriend yesterday. she has been without electricity for over a day. i didn't invite her to stay here because i have a studio. i might call her this morning and ask her.
bobby

bobby, I am sorry that you keep thinking about death in general or are you suicidal? Reach out to your friend, have her come over for coffee or tea to visit, if she has been without electricity the break would do her good and you too. Yoga teaches us to take better care of our bodies...(i have never done yoga before) but this is what I am told. And you seem to have a hard time doing that so maybe you were not just into it then. Maybe you could try again and focus on helping your body, breathing on a cellular level, breathing can be relaxing and centering, nurturing, taking care of yourself. Just a suggestion.
love bizi

she lives over an hour away and i tried to call her this morning but at first there was no answer and then the phone was busy. i think it is kind of phoney offering her to stay in my apartment since it is only a studio and she has three cats. i don't know what to do. I also looked up how much generators cost but it was too confusing because i dont know what size she wanted. I think i have too much anxiety for yoga...i am not peaceful enough to have the patience to do it.
love
bobby

dear bobby

a bit of a late reply but i read that you felt like you should be doing short walks etc and that that senior center didn't count because it is across the street. i just want to say i remember when you had to really push to go there, at all, sometimes. now you are going 5 days a week - that is a huge leap forward! c'mon, give yourself some credit! A+ for outcome, A++ for effort. it took time, so maybe you hardly noticed... but i see how far you've come! well done! you are also so much more involved in activities like the online courses etc... it is all good... the more walking will come when you are ready. do what comes, you are doing well for where you're at.

there is nothing wrong you, or with your inherent disinterest for yoga or needlepoint. you are still depressed and that is why the thoughts of death i have them too. yes i really wish there were a magic pill... whoosh no more depression, normal abilities, no dragging around, questions like "what do you want to watch" do not precipitate an anxiety attack... looking at the future with vague apprehension and some curiosity instead of this terror of everything....... yes hurry up someone and invent a magic pill.

love and blessings to you

~ waves ~

Dear Bobby,

I too am impressed with your amazing progress in only a few months about getting across the street to the senior center.

Don't worry about the yoga. If you can, spend 3-5 mins in silence listening only to your breathing.

M

dear Mari
i will try that. it is something i can definitely do and i don't have to leave my apartment.
bobby

if only there were a magic pill to take us over the fears we face and the depression that cripples us. our drugs don't seem to do it. i guess i should give myself credit but i don't feel as if i earned it. I am sorry we share a lot of the same problems. the death thing is awful. steve jobs's final words oh wow oh wow oh wow gave me hope...put a smile on face...if only
love you and thanks for the blessings and blessings toyou
bobby

Amen, Bobby

Dear Bobby,

When you mentioned Steve Job's last words I didn't look them up. I figured that he has a team helping to keep his memory for their own reasons. Also, I saw his sister is a novelist.
So finally tonight, I looked him on-line.I laughed when I read "Wow oh Wow. Interesting. Maybe he really did say that. He could have said it. And maybe I could be less of a skeptic.
I know he spent years studying and practicing Eastern religions.

I hope that you are having a good week.
I slept almost enough last night. Then this evening I took a very late nap and am sleepy again. Maybe it is good that my body is forcing me to sleep. I hope I follow through and go to bed soon.

I guess I should either wash my hair in the morning or go to work in whatever state it is now. . . . washing it tonight might interfere with my sleepiness right now.

Take care.
M

i thought of his studying eastern religions when i read he said oh wow three times as his last words. it made me sort of positive toward death for a while.
with the holidays approaching my depression and feelings of loneliness are growing. i have no plans for thanksgiving. i am debating whether or not to ask my neighbor if she is free to go out to eat. i probably won't.
I am so glad you were able to get more sleep...good job...i hope it continues
bobby