I hope you feel better soon. I am here for you too, friendship through space and time. I know about that depression. I know how tough it is got get out of it. I am glad you read. Try reading something that takes you away, and that is not boring and old hat. Pick a differnet subject, read somthing that has the ability to draw you into the story. I do this as much as I can to fight my way out of depression. I read until 2a.m. last night, slept late, and I will take a nap soon. I am thinking about you Bobby, wishing I could do something to ease your heart. ginnie

I am sorry that you are on a down swing....we are here to help pick you up.
((((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

Bobby,

The strange thing about depression is that we do not really get used to it.
We experience it newly in each moment.


A few months ago I bought some coloring books of mandals and some colored pencils -- although pastels, watercolors, crayons, or markers would work. I bought this book here

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157...VQHJ1VFAK7K73V

and a second similar book.

They reminded me of what I was handed in the mental hospital 20 years ago.

Anyway, some people benefit form work with mandalas. I need to clear off some space because my desk spaces are covered with papers and books right now.

I bet one could find a computer program for coloring that would be similiar to using pencils.

http://www.themandalalady.com/MOTM/0...laLady_com.pdf

http://www.coloringcastle.com/pdfs/m...mandala-02.pdf

Or you could print and then take any pen / pencil within reach and start shading in the shapes. Monks use these to focus I think. Maybe for healing too.
Feel better.

Mari

It did bring a smile and i have never seen it before. thank you. I forgot i will get through this. i decided not to go to the center today. Maria is coming today so i won't be alone today and i should go to the bank. I got up the nerve to get on the scale and i lost two pounds again. I was afraid i had gained three. I should be so happy but i am not. I am really stuck in this depression. yesterday i spent two hours on the phone with Barbara and a half an hour with another close friend with whom i had intellectual arguments.
she looked obama's and clinton's and gates and job's i.q.'s. clinton's was the highest with 182. obama in kindergarten came in with a 177. she always thought he was in the 120's and i always said no way. gates and jobs came in with 160 or better. IQ doesn't measure vision or creativity which Jobs had.
Love
bobby

thanks so much ginnie...the reading hasn't been working much. i am still able to read but i still feel depressed while i am reading...rats.
bobby

thanks so much Bizi
i am definitely in a downswing. I knew this would happen after i was so happy about the rent control decision from the supreme court. whenever i get really happy , i fall flat on my face.
love
bobby

I think you are right on how we experience depression. even though i know it will pass, i don't feel it will pass. i feel mired in it. i am not going to the senior center today. they give out sandwiches and bread today and at first i said i didn't have the will power and didn't want to tempt myself even though they are having turkey. then after i got on the scale and it wasn't bad, it realized i still didn't want to go to the senior center. I don't feel like pushing myself. I will get dressed just in case.
the mandalas are a great idea. I just downloaded one and painted half a one on the internet but was too edgy. I once embroidered a beautiful one on a friend's jacket which he subsequently lost....ugh...they also remind me of butter cakes which i think the tibetans make which are supposed to be perishable. i guess i should look it up. i saw some at the Asia Society years ago and they made a big impression on me. I guess the focussing is difficult right now for me. I feel like jumping out of my skin.
bobby

It sounds like the anxiety is up too for you bobby" crawling out of your skin" sounds awful. I used the drawing when I went thru the heroins journey a few years ago. IT was very cathartic and soothing. I bought these great artists markers in two different sizes for an art class and used them during this time.
It tapped into some creativity side that needed some work at that time. I look back at them on occasion. They make me smile. I need to get back in touch with art some how. I felt so good painting, I still have everything all set up in my office on a table behind me just waiting for my attention. I ignore it but it calls me.
bizi

I did something I usually don't do, I bought a scarry book for the Nook. Now I agree it is outthere, but it got me so engrossed, that I can't put it down. I turn the lights off, snuggle down into my bed, and read the back lit screen. I pretend I am on the good guys side, activally helping all the citizens of this town fight the bad guy. It is crazy, but it got my attention. I drifted off to sleep as a wanna be hero. Nice.... keep beating back that depression, any way you can. Wish I could do more to help you. I went away from what I normally read, and it sure got my attention, so that my depression was left on a shelf somewhere on the back of my mind and I could ignor it. Great feeling. your friend, ginnie

Dear Bobby

I am glad the fold-up great dane brought you a smile. i know what you mean about know you will get through it, but not feeling it. it is hard to feel it. usually it feels like it will (or can) last forever. i know.

i am grateful that you are not as isolated this go around. thank goodness about the scale. i gained my weight back but haven't gained any more. i am glad you lost two more pounds. it is hard to feel good about anything when you are depressed. it's like anything good the depression eats it before you can appreciate it. but at least, you didn't wind up feeling worse!

i am ambivalent about IQs or rather it's more complicated. imean i think they show something. i wonder if they are still skewed on male models. i took an online pre-test for mensa recently and it was all pattern matching and logic. all of it. down to the last drop and it wasn't Maxwell House. such a narrow focus though. the only IQ test i remmeber being given at the clinic here was also pattern matching. creativity vision... not there... there are just too many facets to intelligence to slap a number on a person and say that's how "smart" they are.

and then there's method for these tests too. all the US college entrance exams sat, gre, mcat.... are this standard multichoice where you fill in the dots. if you get misaligned somehow you waste bunches of htinking time erasing and re-filling (i did that soooo many times... ). in retrospect i appreciate having short problem solving with work shown, and essays as part of O levels (British exams roughly sat level). diverse methods are fairer to people who are weak in a given method.

i am having a rough time reducing the Zoloft... had to - this|close to hypo thru saturday and now, i don't want to get out of bed or do much even on the computer. . i'll post a new topic on the Zoloft because there are complications, but just know... if i am not around much... just look for me in the pit....

love you and i wish i could give you a real hug, i would like one too.

waves