dear Bobby

i forgot to say i meant to tell you don't worry about going to the center don't put pressure on yourself. just be for a while. you are not isolated. that is huge. you can go to the center when you feel like it and not go when you don't. it seemed to me like some of the goings on there might be depressing right now or at least not uplifting. maybe the ladies that came to visit can come again, that might be better.

love

waves

Just checking in on both of you. You both are in my thoughts as I go through my day. I spent today in research and calling doctors, three of them,. not one called back yet. Bummer.
Some times when I am depressed, I also get angry. I get angry at being depressed to begin with, so I try to direct that anger toward something physical I can do. Even if it is only the dishes, or clean the toilet. I mutter to myself, sometimes cuss by myself, other times pray, throw a pillow, tear up my bed, some kind of reslease, then I feel better. I also picture a shelf in my head, a nice wide wooden shelf. On to that shelf I deposit my problems, I write them down list them, and then put them on the shelf. I don't allow myself to look at the shelf all the time. I do take time for it though, to examine a certain about of time. Then I try to move on to some other subject besides the _____ that is on the shelf. It is a trick my psychologist friend taught me to do. I don't know if it can work for you. We are all so very differerent on our emotional make up. I have oceans of emotions, and sometimes I don't know either what to do with them. I care about both of you. Have a peaceful night, sleep well with nothing but good dreams. ginnie

Thank you so much Ginnie. those are all good suggestions. i will try to apply some. i like the shelf thing and not giving it attention all the time. the concept is similar to what my own therapist described for managing obsessions, but your friend expressed a much more concrete way of doing it, which is so very helpful. i am not obsessing right now but i sure will remember that, because i can really go there. i can get angry too and the past couple of days of mood dive i do get easily bothered by silly things, but i mostly let them go because of how listless i am starting to feel. thank goodness the energy is gone with the mood, or it would have been a subclinical mixed state - no fun.(especially for my cohabitants )!

i am basically just babying myself and telling myself it is the taper whether or not that is true. i thought i missed a dose but turns out i didn't. i still need to post that thread to explain why this is complicated but i don't know if i will do tonight. my head is twinging too.

i am sorry your odctors didn't call me back. you know what. mine didn't either today. that does suck stinking rotten eggyolk doesn't it???!!!

and on that note ... (or not so much)

i wish you a peaceful evening Ginnie. thanks again for sharing. sending hugs and good thoughts. i hope your docs call tomorrow. sheez, i hope mine does too but my decision will be made by 7am when i take my meds so... whatever.

waves

Dear Bizi
I hope you get back to painting. You have had such a stressful year with health and financial matters. I don't blame you about your therapist.
Love
bobby

dear ginnie
i am so glad you found a great book to escape into and to pretend to be a hero. it must be so much fun. I will try your shelf idea. My depression is a general feeling....it is not one particular thing. last night i did get excited while listening to suzanne sommers talking about her new book bombshell.
she had stem cell for a breast that was removed because of cancer. she also said how testerone was being used now for the treatment of prostrate cancer and the assumption that high testerone caused cancer was based on a flawed study from 1941 and she also mentioned a hormone that makes one peaceful and interested in sex again. wow
I cant get in touch with my anger but i am irritable.
bobby

Hi Waves
I wish i could give you a hug in person too. that would be so nice. I am sorry thats are going bad for you too. I don't know what is worse hypo or being incapable of doing anything. they are both uncomfortable in their own way.
Is there anything else you can take besides zoloft?
I sort of agree with you about IQ's but extra high ones are hard to attain. I tested over 600 kids and the ones who tested high and i mean high were exceptional. a lot of times the test didn't reflect the assets of the child.
also as bipolars we usually don't perform up to our capabilities. I dont know if it is anxiety or what. I read something but i forgot that explained it partially.
I don't know if i will go to the senior center today. I probably will. I might go a little later than usual. It feels right now like pressure. yesterday I bought a box of cookies. I couldn't believe that i did it and i ate the whole box. I haven't had cookies in so long. they even weren't the ones i went in to buy. they were out of those. these weren't even that good so it wasn't worth it.
this gloominest that i feel is simply awful. I also scared myself yesterday when i got tripped up with the words exacerbate and exasperate...i got stuck and couldn't say exasperate(sp)...it isn't the topamax because i am only taking 100 m. this is the first time that has happened.
love
bobby

Dear bobby, don't be too hard on your self about that word....I think we all do that from time to time. I know that when we type sometimes we type the wrong word from what we really mean...spell checker doesn't catch it because it is a word, just the wrong one. I have to reread my posts carefully then I find my errors.
Some times I run into people at sandras, the health food store that I eat at almost everyday. I forget their names...sometimes I remember them later. the minds works overtime while we think about other things then the word may come later. When did the right word finally come to you?
bizi

It is good to try anything that might work. I do all I can do like that to beat the depression back. Just like I wrote to you. My shelf is full, but today I am ignoring it as I have better things to do. My doctors still have not called back, but I did get appt. with the surgeon when I wanted it! So there has been progress.
I am going back to reading this book in a few minutes. Just taking time out this morning to enjoy the quiet. I care about you waves, sorry we both wind up forever waiting to get a call back. Have a good day today waves. Even when the shelf is bowing in the middle from the weight, you, and the friends I have here, support that shelf so it doesn't fall in. I think about you and all our friends here every day. ginnie

Bobby,
You did good work with those 600+ plus kids. How long was each test?

Did you end up going to the senior center? Go if it feels right, I guess.

I hate when that happens -- I go buy something for a yen, and then miss by coming home with stuff that did not really work.

I am sorry that you are gloomy.
The word trip up is probably because of the Topamax. That can happen at doses much lower that 100 -- it did for me.
Even if it is not the Topamax, please try to let it go. It is the kind of thing that happens.

Keep taking care of yourself as best as you can.

M

Bobby

Hoping your doing better.

I seem to have gotten lost in this thread. So I'm just going to
say I'm hoping the depression is better.

Donna