[cherokee928]

Hi I am new on here. I have a 18 year old step daughter who was dx when she was 9. She lived with her mother for many years and when she was 12 she came to live with me and her father. She has had many ups and downs and for many years my husband didn't believe she was bipolar he thought of it as a parenting problem with her mother.

It was about a year into her moving in with us that he finally seen all the things her mother was explaning was happening. When she hit 16 things went from bad to worse. We finally found a dr that found a wonderful medication for her that seemed to work.
We still had outbursts of anger, crying, and violence. She would rage for hours and then cry for hours because she felt so bad. She ison the verge of dilusional as in what she hears is not what is being said she hears what she wants and she lies all the time.

In feb of this year she turned 18 and decided she was a grown up and could handle everthing on her own, She has told everyone that is her friend that we are horrible to her, we yell at her every single day and that we ground her weekly. She hasnn't been grounded in 6 months nor has she been yelled at. About 2 weeks ago she decided she didn't need her meds anymore and stopped taking them. She said she was all better and didn't need them.
A week after that she walked out of the house adn went to her boyfriends and told his parents that we kicked her out of the house which is completely not true. Now that she is off her meds I am worried what kind of symptoms she is going to show.

Her boyfriends mother showed up on our doorstep last night and proceeded to tell us that she didn't believe our child needed to be on any medication and she was not going to let her take it. That our daughter was welcome to live with her and her son.
I am at a loss, we have done everything we could to help her and get her the treatment that she needed. Now she is out of the house adn I am scared of what is going to happen. I don't know if her cycling is goig to start again or if she has the power to control her rages, depression and suicidal thoughts, She is a sick child who really has the mentallity of a 14 year old.
She is not independant enough to take care of herself. She would go days at a time without showering and she wouldn't want to get out of bed, when she was taking her meds. Does anyone out there have a story somewhat similar or have any advice for me on what to expect?

I am hurt and really frightened by this choice of hers and don'tknwo how to handle it. I don't know if she can supress her bipolar or if it will eventually come to the surface greater than before because she isn't taking her meds. I am really confused and any help would be better than me sitting her worrying. Thank you

[Jomar]

Tough situation...
Is the boyfriends family situation a fairly safe place for her?
Some sort of guidance, no illegal activities, etc?

Ummm what about birth control???
Is she covered on that aspect?

I suppose if things get too out of control they probably will send her back home or decide she needs her meds...


I don't know about any legal steps you can take since she is 18.
There might be something if it gets to a certain point, a lawyer or family counselor might have better ideas to help for that.

[bizi]

If she gets manic enough, fearful that she is a threat to herself or someone elses safety you can have the police bring her in for evaluation. that happened to me in Indiana...I was held for 3 days until I talked myself out of the institution...and readmitted again for 3 more days until the meds kicked in.
Does she have a therapist or a psychiatrist that you could call for support?
Since she is 18 you will have to wait this one out. just let her know that you love her and that she can come home when ever she needs to come home....
Send her a text message or email or facebook message.
I am very sorry that you are in this situation. Until she accepts her condition you will have to just see how this unfolds.
we are here to support you....use us to lean on.
Do you have other family support siblings etc to help give you support on that end? Waht does hubby say?
bizi

[cherokee928]

My husband is not happy at all by this choice. He says she is 18 and to let her be. I however am not one to just "give up" she has so much potential and can not worry that this is the worst mistake she has made. When she was on her meds she would still have a roller coaster of emotions always up and down, although they were nothing like when she wasn't on meds. I talked to her phych today and she said there is not much we can do but to wait it out. She was upset as well because she was beginning to do so well in school and life in general. As far as her bf parents, yes it is a safe place, she has a roof over her head and food to eat but mentally I do not feel it is safe for her because they don't believe she needs to take her meds. The mother there is the one that told her she was taking way to many and should stop taking them, they weren't good for her. Our daughter wont talk to us, she says she hates us that she is finally happy for once in her life and doesn't want anything to do with us. Is it possible for her to be able to "control" her cycling and rages? Her doctor told me today that it would be about a month before all of the meds were out of her brain so to speak and that she would probably start to go down hill at that point. what frustrates me more than anything is that her bf mother does not know the entire history of what we have been through what our daughter has been through. She has only ever seen her when she was taking her meds. Our daughter is a master manipulator, her therapist said she was one of the best she has ever seen. She is currently on the depo shot but I was told she would not be getting her next dose as she doesn't need it. She wants to get pregnant and have a baby. I informed her bf mother of this and was told, well it will be my grandchild and I will take care of it. I seriously am at a loss of what to do. This woman seems to think she is dealing with a "normal" 18 year old girl and that we are the problem, that we gave our child drugs and that was what was wrong with her.

[Mari]

Hi,

Call the local nami.org person in your area (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They can connect you to a support group.
Also get the book Bipolar for Dummies. There is a good chapter about "Assisting a Friend or Relative with Bipolar Disorder."

I suggest you call the police dept during non emergency hours about how they handle a mental health courtesy call. Some counties / cities have protocol in place for people in mental illness emergencies.

I agree with Jo*mar that the people she is staying with might send her home when they don't want to deal with her.

The short version is that when someone is manic they do not want to seek help. They have to become manic enough before they get the attention of the police or mental health authorities. That is why I suggest you call the police ahead of time to fine out general information.

When a person becomes depressed, they sometimes seek help because they are miserable.

When they are mixed, they are more unpredictable and in a very dangerous position.

If she comes to your house violent, call 911. The police will take her to an emergency room to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.


Can you call her last doctor / social worker/ therapist to provide some information? The HIPAA privacy laws will not let a medical person talk to you about specifics.

I am hurt and really frightened by this choice of hers and don'tknwo how to handle it. I don't know if she can supress her bipolar or if it will eventually come to the surface greater than before because she isn't taking her meds. I am really confused and any help would be better than me sitting her worrying. Thank you

There is not much you can do except have a lawyer ready incase she gets arrested or in some other trouble. Some parents learn boundaries like people in AA do. You can't force her to do anything. Try to be a little Zen - like and keep reminding yourself that this is not your problem. She is making bad decisions, but not ones that you have control over. Accept what you cannot control.

Find some parent support groups through nami.org or through local counseling. Consider counseling for yourself or your husband and you. You need to live a good life.

M

[cherokee928]

I don't know if I would consider where she is as "safe" . Yes she has a place to sleep and food to eat but his mother is the one that talked her into getting off her meds. She claims that aren't safe. Is there a possibility that she can "control" her episodes? She will go into rages for hours and then the crying starts because she feels guilty and remorseful. As far as birth control goes, yes she is but she is on the depo shot, she is due to renew it at the end of july however she informed us that she will not be taking it again becuase she wants a child, when I explained this to his mother all i heard from her was well it will be my grandchild and I will take care of it. She talked to me and my husband like we were the worst parents in the world for putting her on medication. I talked to her physcologist today and she said that within a month all of the meds will be out of her brain and that she will start her cycling again. She is a very angry teenager most of the time. She doesn't want anything to do with me, her father or her mother. She said she hates us all and doesn't want any contact with us what so ever. She said she is going to live her life the way she wants and for once in her life she is the happiest she has ever been. I am so angry at her bf mother because she is passing judgement and messing around with our childs well being without experiencing or going through everything we have in the past 9 years. She has only known our child when she has been on her medication. Do any of you know if she will be able to control her bipolar off her meds or will it eventually come to the surface again? She has been suicidal in the past and has been hospitalized because of it.

Thank you all for you encouragement and I appreciate all your words and advice.

[Alffe]

Hi cherokee928 and welcome to NeuroTalk. I'd like to recommend a book to you. An Unquiet Miind by Kay Redfield Jamison. Dr.Jamison is bipolar and has learned and earned her successes in life through trial and error.

She is an international authority on manic-depressive illness, and one of the few women who are full professors of medicine at American universities....living proof that you "shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water".

I understand your fear of her going off the medicine...bad idea, but she will learn this through her mistakes. I loved this book and refer to it often..to me it is full of promise and hope.

My best to you and your family.

[Mari]

Hi,
It is great that you talked to the therapist.

It is normal for you to be angry at the bf's mother, but there is nothing you can do. You have no control over anything in this situation except how you respond to it.

Originally Posted by cherokee928

Is there a possibility that she can "control" her episodes? She will go into rages for hours and then the crying starts because she feels guilty and remorseful.

The answer is 'No." As the therapist said, in a few weeks the medications will be out of her system.

There are lots of parents of 18 year olds in your situation. I suggest you find a support group like nami.org or go to counseling yourself.

Thanks to Civil Rights and Patient's Rights Laws passed in the 1960s, at 18 she can do whatever she wants unless she is
1. a danger to her self
or
2. danger to others.

Check with the laws of your state. Some states have a third criteria.

N,

[cherokee928]

Thank you all for your advice and emotional support. I will look into the books you have recomended and go from there. She is still texting me asking me questions about dr appts and such. She doesn't know what to say to them, she doesn't even have a license because she would get so angry when my husband or I tried to help her. She was also dx with ODD and anxiety. She had just got her grades up where they need to be and has a 4 year schoolarship for college. When she moved in with us her gpa was a .98 and she is above a 2.5, I fear all of this is not going to continue. I hope and pray that it will. I guess it's just a waiting game now and we will just have to be here to help her pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. Her wonderful bf has cheated on her before and caused her tons of heartache she would cry so much and get so upset she would go into a panic attack. I feel so bad for her becuase she is such a good person but doesn't always make the right decisions. Why can't children at least learn that as parents we try to avoid them having to go through so much pain, instead of saying we are horrible when we try to help them?

Thank you all again,

[bizi]

you sound heart broken and I am sorry for this.

bizi