I can totally relate.

And I can give you some hope. Because in your last post you said.

She is texting me asking me about doctor's appts.

To me this means she is asking for help. Keep talking back to her
through text.

Let her know that your still available to talk. That you love her.
And that if she wants to come home she can.

When it comes to the meds. I wouldn't exactly hold that over
her head. But I would take baby steps with that.

I wonder if maybe its because the bf's mom has been bad mouthing
medicine that she wanted off so much.


You might try talking to her through text. See if you can get her to
at least get the birth control shot one more month.
Explaining to her, that she needs to be off the medication say for at
least the one more month. But it would be better if she was 3 months.
For any child she might haves sake.


It just might make the difference, in both their thinking.

It wouldn't be that you made a mistake putting her on meds. It would
be that I'm protecting my child by getting them out of my system.


Only so you might get her back under control first.


Good luck. I have a 29 year old that we had problems with

He is doing good now

Donna

I am heartbroken because I don't know how to help her.. I know how her moods swing back and forth like she is on a rollercoaster and for a stranger who doesn't know how to handle her when she is in one of these swings is unthinkable. It has taken me years to know what to say and do to help her calm down and be positive. She has very low self esteem, thanks to her mother and the way she handled her but thats another story. Right now I am more worried that she isn't going to get the help she needs.

Donna, did your son go through anything like this and is there hope that she will come home in due time. I don't know your story but am looking for any hope that she will realize that she needs to be home so she can graduate and go on to college.

She texted me today and was asking about her insurance. She had a doctors appt yesterday that a friend of hers was suppose to take her to and she didn't end up going. I told her I wished she would of let me know because I would of taken her. It was for a physical and shot updates for high school and we can reschedule but I just let her know that her dad and I would take her in the future. She told me she was unsure if this was going to be a permanent move and that she would let us know Sunday.

I am really confused because she has never done anything like this and it is all new for me. If any of you can help me with advice or similar stories that would be great. I know everyone is different but I am new to this way of thinking to her. Is it the bf mother that is brainwashing her or is it normal for an 18 year old to want nothing to do with thier parents and try to "make" it on thier own? I remember when I was 18 and never did anything like this but I also am not in the mental state she is.

Thank you..

Jen

She could think she is really "in love" w/ bf too.
and that is a big issue with many teens/young adults..heck even grown ups have trouble with that - finding the right one..

I would just keep the lines of communication open as much as you can.

Probably the "honeymoon" of that new living arrangement will wear off - I'm sure the bf mother will expect her to do some chores and cleaning around the place, won't be long before tensions arise I'm sure.

yes keep the lines of communication open...
keep posting...
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

and Welcome...

i have just got caught up here... i don't feel i have anything to add to the wonderful suggestions others have thrown out.

but i can say my eyes lit up when i read that she was texting you. reaching out on her own initiative is huge, and even just talking about the doc appointments.

i am keeping my fingers crossed here for you that things will resolve.

continuing the birth control longer than the meds seems sensible because many psych drugs - perhaps some that she took -- can cause serious congenital defects. waiting several months to let the body readjust its natural hormonal balance first without medsimproves the chances of a healthy child. The next step would be to d/c the provera and see an ob/gyn for advice.

this provides an off-med window where she (or others) will see if she is really ok (or not). in a way we have to hope symptoms emerge during that "wait" window because it would suck if she got preggo first - then they couldn't medicate her, or not without risk to the baby. if she is bent on this idea at the moment, then it may be useful to play into it with concerns of safety of the child.

i am so glad she is texting. i hope she lets you take her to the make-up appointment.

(((hugs))) and welcome aboard!

~ waves ~

She texted this evening and informed us that she will not be coming home.
She has decided to make this change permanent. Breaks my heart because she is going to be struggling needlessly. Does anyone have a similar story that they could give me some hope that in the end she will come back home where she needs to be? How do I just let go when the state she is in is not stable? I am very confused. Someone please help me in how to just let go and let her travel the hard road? I feel so helpless but she doesn't want any help. How do I stop feeling this way?? Thank you

She is your daughter and you will always feel for her.
It is because you care. YOu love her. and will always feel that for her.
YOu are worried, rightfully so...and want her safe in your home...in your control...but that is not where she wants to be right now...things change...all you have control of is yourself.
that is all.
YOu must be patient. there is nothing that you can really do to change her mind. she is "all grown up now" and will come back to you when she needs you, just keep letting her know that it is ok for her to come back.
keep posting...we are listening.
bizi

Hi,

Keep the texting lines of communication open. It's good that she is still contacting you. Let her know that you support her and that she can return whenever she wants.

She is 18 and not in great shape for making decisions right now. She's not really making any "permanent" changes.
She'll be back sooner than you expect.

M

I will post my son's story on another thread. Only because I feel this
needs to stay your daughter's thread.

Or If folks here feel I need to do that in a private message I can do it that way. But I don't believe they know his story either. And its not something that is anything I'm ashamed of. It will be later tomorrow though.

But for now. I will add some things here for you. Just from my own journey.
And because I think these things are ways you can communicate, to
her that she is loved and wanted even if its just one night.


First, please accept the fact that she is a grown young lady. Next, make it known and do this only if you and your husband both can do so.
Make a ovature, for say a dinner with the two of them and you two.
THen when they accept and come. Make it a nice friendly as you can
accomplish one.

I would talk about some simple things like:
1. If she hasn't finished high school. Let her know you and your husband
would like to say buy $ 100.00 worth of clothes, and things for school.
But that you want to go with her.
2. If she needs to go or wants to go to a doctor's appt. You would really
feel honored if she would allow you to accompany her to the appt.
You would be more than willing to sit in the waiting room. Unless she says
otherwise.
3. I would bring up the subject of children. With both of them. But not for not wanting them to have them. But because of the meds she was on.
I would then explain to her, the fact that she will have some of those medications still in her system, for up to say 6 months in some cases. And
that they can be harmful to a fetus, or unborn baby.
4. That you realize they would like a baby right away, and even though you would like them to wait. You will love and help with this baby. But would
like her to stay on the shot for 6 months, to give your grandchild, their child the best healthy chance at life.

And lastly the one thing I've had to remind myself all these years.

There is a reason, my son (your daughter) was given to me to raise, love and nuture. And I believe god isn't going to give me more than I can do.

So take it from a veteran in tough love. You can do this. And I honestly
believe she is asking you to be patient with her.

I found with my son, the more I stayed on the outside, helping him grow and learn. The better man he has become.

And I can say for a fact I'm very proud of who he has become.

Donna

such good advice donna!