Oh Mari, Im so sorry !!! it sounds stressful !!

It is interesting though.... I mean, meditating can indeed take us to another level.... I have never been able to meditate, properly I mean, but my dreams, my so vivid dreams.... can be really scaring... What I want to say is, brain is... WEIRD !!!

Take care Mari !! try to think they are in your "imagination"

I'm so sorry that you are feeling frightened. I hope that you feel better soon. BF

I am really glad that your tdoc called you back and helped explain what was going on.
It sounds terribly frightening. Rest when you can.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

This frightening stuff has been going on since I was six.
I am mostly convinced that the stuff is real.

Tdoc tried to b.s. me so that I would be o.k. until we see each other in 5 weeks.
I am tired of a life time of this.

M

I know what you mean Mari. I'm tired of a life time of it to. The imaginations,and pictures in the thoughts are hard to control. Then when your emotions grip you with these thoughts,and imaginations just makes it worse.

.....But....You will be better soon. BF

dear mari, I did not know that this was a pattern for you. sorry that yoou have to deal with this as well as your other issues.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
bizi

Yes, it is a long term pattern for me and perhaps why I do not like to sleep.

M

Steve,

I am sorry that you deal with that.

I wonder how our lives might have been different. Sometimes -- like today -- I have regret.
Regret is probably not useful, but today that is where I am.

M

I have only had scarey visions when I was psychotic. Do you think it could be your bipolar acting up?
bizi

Hey Mari I am loaded with regret. There are things that I cannot change. I regret the past. I have regrets about relationships in the past that are lost due to my condition. I regret the way my life has come to a standstill because of trauma. I regret that I'm not doing what I love.((Working in science))

I never feel at ease,well most of the time. I'm not at peace around people. I regret this. I'd like to,but I was bullied when I was a kid,and at military school. I'm intimidated by people in general. I feel like I'm being watched,and judged. I just want to get away from people in general.

I've had panic before sleep,and while waking up at times. I'd panic on the phone,when a doorbell rings,when someone knocks on the door,while at the store,and etc.,etc.etc.. I feel confined when I'm in the shower,and have allergy attacks sometimes,and gag. My shower is clean though.

I'd probably have a wife,and kids. I would have wanted to finish college,and been a scientist. I'm fascinated with many sciences. I wanted to be an Astronomer when I was a kid.

With all of these things,and more,I'm loaded with regret. I hear people saying that they don't regret things in movies,and television,but that is not how it is with me. I dread the morning coming sometimes.

I can identify with what you say thoroughly. BF