[Mari]

Hi,

1. My mdoc gave me a sample starter pack of Strattera.

2. Also she told me she would like me to take 15 grams of fish oil -- told me to find a brand with a high concentration of EPA. (She was very specific about the 15 grams.)

Mari

[Mari]

Hi,

The pack has thirty capsules in these sizes:

Days 1,2,3,4,5 --- 25 mgs

Days 6,7,8,9,10 --- 40 mgs

Days 11,12,13,14,15 --- 60 mgs

Days 16-30 --- 80 mgs

I am sure that 80 is too high. I wonder if I can split the capsules.

Mari

[bizi]

I guess mine come 500 mg per capsule so that is 3 of the nordic fish oils.1500 mg = 15 grams I think.
my pdoc told me I needed to take fish oil capsules with the ratio of epa to dha 4:1 ratio. needed for brain function.
nordic naturals makes them they are called epa and I found them on amazon cheaper than in the drug stores.
this is doable.
these are tolerable and lemon flavored but don't have any flavor really and no fish burp.
bizi

[bizi]

I was wrong about the fish oil numbers. 1000mg is equal to 1 gram. So she wants you to take 30 fish oil capsules a day?
That is crazy!!!!!!!!! correct me if I am wrong here.
bizi

[Mari]

Originally Posted by bizi

I was wrong about the fish oil numbers. 1000mg is equal to 1 gram. So she wants you to take 30 fish oil capsules a day?
That is crazy!!!!!!!!! correct me if I am wrong here.
bizi

Bizi,


I am going to check my notes. I wrote on a scrap of paper that I put somewhere. She said it was going to be a lot of pills. She emphasized that it would be a lot.

Mari

[bizi]

may I ask why she wants you to take that many? I think I would like to see some journals from scholars on that one. I have a hard enough time just taking my 2 a day.
wow
bizi

[waves]

Dear Mari

Originally Posted by Mari

I am so stressed out.

The meetings are hard for me because I have to work very hard to act normal. Under difficult circumstances, normal is hard to fake.
I am so frightened that I will do or say the wrong thing and yet I am expected to participate.

I understand the fear. It adds to your stress level, too unfortunately.

Here's my take (short version):
-- your perspective on your own actions will be much more critical than that of others. not to mention fear tends to skew our perspective in a negative way.
-- even if you do screw up by others' definition, it will not seriously undermine their opinion of you.

Longer version:
Let's say you don't manage to come off all the way "normal" - by your definition, or say or do something wrong - or even blow gaskets. You know what is behind it, and you feel yourself falling apart, but others will just see you having a bad day. They may wonder if it's PMS (lol) or deduce you are stressed out (true). Regardless what they deduce or assume, I don't believe it will affect their overall perception of your competence. You have good history behind you. You won't destroy that by acting "off" now and then. Even if it's very off.

See, I was pretty freaky deaky at the last permanent job I had, as well as another in my past. In both cases there were times when I was quite "off" when i was having episodes. In the earlier job, although pre-dx, I knew something was off because I felt like I couldn't "read people" like I normally could. Retrospectively I was out there. For starters I was paranoid: certain of being followed around and of being spied in my house via microcameras etc. That's in general. At work, I felt completely incompetent and was terrified of doing something wrong or just coming off badly. In both workplaces, I often felt I was just a hair away from being fired. Yet, in both cases, despite concrete behavioral shortcomings and errors indeed made, my value as perceived by others was not undermined. I am quite sure of this because in both cases, when I quit, decisive efforts were made to retain me.

I am sharing this experience because I too was extremely, extremely fearful when I felt myself "off". I suspect your situation is similar to those I described because you are a well established and valuable staff member at your place of work.

On the one hand, there are your feelings, fears and perceptions on your actions. On the other, there is what others make of stuff that goes down. I am sure the two are quite distinct.

"I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning." - from a poem by Stevie Smith

the thing is Mari, only we feel the undertow, and the abject fear of going under. Others watch from the shore, see us thrash about ... but do not know about that undertow... they think we are waving.

waves

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

Dear Mari
I understand the fear. It adds to your stress level, too unfortunately.

Here's my take (short version):
-- your perspective on your own actions will be much more critical than that of others. not to mention fear tends to skew our perspective in a negative way.
-- even if you do screw up by others' definition, it will not seriously undermine their opinion of you.

Waves,

You are right.
When I am in a wild mood, though, I am a little bit cranky and more willing to to go beyond the bounds of politeness than other people are.

I interrupt much more than others do-- some folks want to talk in paragraphs and I am comfortable making a short remark in the middle of one of their paragraph in agreement or as an aside
I talk louder than others.
I point out the obvious.
I bring up something that has been festering for years and that everyone is ignoring for the moment.
I can get very close to cursing when everyone else is super polite.
I fidget or worse I wave my arms and get quite animated.
Depending on the group, I can get bossy and for example remind everyone to stay on task.
Or I get everyone way off task in order to keep myself looking mostly within normal range.
I walk in and out pretending to go to the rest room or check my phone multiple times. . . . .

Most of the time, I survive a meeting by saying as little as possible, . . .
I try to be a few minutes early, sit near the door, and leave whenever I want to (i.e. half way through the b.s. . . .. )

The fear of going outside the boundaries too much and too consistently is a fear.

[Mari]

Waves,

See, I was pretty freaky deaky at the last permanent job I had, as well as another in my past. In both cases there were times when I was quite "off" when i was having episodes. In the earlier job, although pre-dx, I knew something was off because I felt like I couldn't "read people" like I normally could. Retrospectively I was out there. For starters I was paranoid: certain of being followed around and of being spied in my house via microcameras etc. That's in general. At work, I felt completely incompetent and was terrified of doing something wrong or just coming off badly. In both workplaces, I often felt I was just a hair away from being fired. Yet, in both cases, despite concrete behavioral shortcomings and errors indeed made, my value as perceived by others was not undermined. I am quite sure of this because in both cases, when I quit, decisive efforts were made to retain me.

You went through a lot to keep those jobs. Your work was good but you were hyper aware of how you were perceived -- that vigilance essentially was a second job on top of the job you were already doing.

A few months ago, one of my friends was running a meeting with me sitting next to him. He was distressed and really upset by the end of the meeting )(He is usually very calm.) He was troubled afterwards and told me how much chaos/ tension/ interupting, off task talk had been going on(can''t remember what term he used). I was causing most of the problem but he did not see it that way because we are friends.
I did decide to miss the next too meetings so he would not have a chance to figure out that I was a problem.

I am carrying on too much.
Wil stop for now.

M

[Mari]

I ignored the alarm clocks and slept 45 mins later than I had planned.
That throws out my early morning plans.