hugs to you dear waves.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

:You-Rock:
Waves,

Great job. :highfive:

Here's to taking care of it. :Tip-Hat:

M

Thanks, Mari.

You reminded me of the importance of taking care of things. I realize I have to take care of this mess too. It won't evaporate. Tonight, I sorted out a couple piles of cards tonight. Recycled some stray papers and envelopes.

The box is still there, but more sparsely stuffed. I can keeping taking care of it, slowly.

I slept a lot yesterday... about 7 hours, so I think today I will try and stay up all day. I might nap in the afternoon, but will try to make it a short nap, if I do. I need to start sleeping at night, much as I hate the idea.

waves

good luck with your sleep goals for tomorrow/today.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Waves,

You are still at it-- wow.
That is great.
Piles of cards sorted. Result: box less stuffed
Recycling accompished!!

M

Hi, Mari,

Thanks for the wonderful encouragement. :) If nothing else, the mess sort of forces itself on me. I hope I will do a bit at a time, until I can get thing put away better.

I probably spent only about a half hour doing those cards, and that was sum total of anything "useful" done yesterday. :(

Last night, I probably spent an hour doing things, or perhaps an hour and half but not more, before getting interrupted.

I spend most of my time sitting around playing games which distract me, or doing other things which distract me from the pressure I feel to do this or that, which is eveyrthing else.

I find it hard to do anything at all. Usually, once I get going, I can do something for a while. I can't get myself started. I can't understand it. Sometimes I even postpone eating, going to the bathroom, or fetching coffee. This isn't a "depressive phase" -- I've become more and more like this, slowly, throughout my life.

And yes, I am very judgemental of myself about it, because I can't find a good reason why I can't be more normal, and do more things.... precisely because I'm not depressed, and don't have a headache, or anything else wrong with me.

I have been doing a little writing. For pleasure... something less "distractive" and that I see as more useful. It at least feels like I am investing myself, as opposed to consuming someone else's investments. But I do mean very little, because, much as I want to do it, I have trouble setting about it. And there's no pressure to do anythign specific. The idea is I just open Word and write a snippet... about whatever... ideas. I've made this as easy as it can get, and still I find myself thinking about doing it, but often unable to take the step.

My mother used to tell me that if I didn't do something, it must mean I didn't really want to do that thing. I believed it for a while. I no longer believe that is true. I have some other problem that keeps me from doing things, things I need to do, and things I want to do, both.

I don't know how to solve this. It is as though I am mentally and creatively wasting... eroding... fading. I dont' know how to change.

waves

Procrastination or inertia?

http://psychcentral.com/library/procrastinate2.html

I sometimes have a feeling of resistance, which I haven't found described anywhere.

There's a fair amount of literature these days about academic procrastination. Common problem in university students. Has a lot to do with fear of failure perhaps???

I can't see that when it comes to everyday things... like getting up to go to the toilet.

Sometimes I think it's just laziness, sometimes I think it's mood. There's a resistance, which is different than "not feeling like it" or even feeling any particular way. The effect of course is procrastination.

Whatever the cause, most of the tips involve doing things, or just doing things, or doing other things. They just add to the things I don't do.