Waves, I go through periods of inertia and procrastination from time to time. I think a lot of it for me has to do with having too many things to do and can't get started. Then I feel anxious and confused. If I do start I get things done I feel great afterwards, but there have also been times when I feel restricted by outside influences and I feel "stuck", if that makes sense. I have internal restlessness but can't move.

Yes, yes, yes!!!!


That's ITTT!!!! Stuckness, and internal restlessness, and can't move, and outside influences. Bing, bing, bing, bing,bing!

I can't tell you how ROTTEN I feel not having my own room. I've always put things off in my life, but not like this. I do have a "thing" (and I can't get rid of it or ignore it) about doing things in my own space.... which I don't have. I think of gone completely lulu on lack of privacy.

Some part of me has rebelled, and I have claimed the bed as my space, and I stay planted on it... as opposed to folding it up into a couch (which I find uncomfortable to sit on, to boot). Sitting here typing at the computer, I feel relatively private in that one cannot tell what I am typing or clicking. I am very guarded about my screen. It's not that it would matter if it were seen, but I am terribly bothered by the idea. It is the tiny niche of privacy I've carved out. Doing anything outside of that niche means I'm observed, or have the potential of beiing observed, by passing parents.

And I know this probably sounds stupid and illogical... what does it matter if they see me eat, or go into the bathroom. It oughtn't. But at some level, it does.

I can't even throw something in the garbage without it undergoing scrutiny, and I'm not imagining that. If my mother can't identify something in the trash, she will ask about it -- she has.

waves

There isn't any solution to this besides getting my own place.

Used to be getting a job held the promise of that, but it will be a couple of years of working steadily before I can come close to affording it. Even then there will be other considerations... the need to save... but perhaps the need for privacy is greater. Still, it will be a long time. So it's even hard to see a job as having this "payout".

But that's the only way. So as hard as it is for me to look for a job, that's why it is #1 priority.

Sounds like the reason I got divorced. :D

LOL! :Thats-Funneh:

Glad you had a chuckle.

I'm off to sleep now waves. Have a good day there and take care.
I used to be a night owl, but these days I'm just an old owl or something.
I wake up a couple of hours before daybreak and so i have to attempt to go to sleep early or I can't function with my vertigo the next day. Oh well, it could be worse.

:hug:

Good night, Lara! :):hug:

Sleep tight! :Zzzz:

our dear lara is so helpful and such a good woman!
hugs to you both
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
And so are you by the way!

Half bailed on the sorting of stuff
 

I could not deal with the stuff "out" and not done. https://s.yimg.com/lq/i/mesg/emoticons7/102.gif

Mostly, I could not deal with the thought that my parents are dealing with it, and observing my hicuppy way of going about it. :o:(

I merged remaining stuff from both sides of the closet floor into one side, and put the clothes box (from the cupboard, but originally under desk) in there. I put the box of junk, as is, into the cupboard. Other junk is still on my side table, in a couple shoe boxes, but some white space is visible.

==============================

Over the past month, I have scooted some things in ways that hopefully make sense, in terms of where things are and what is with what. I hope I can find myself in it:

:Ponder:

== Some shoes and a box of belts are now where clothes used to be.
== Boxed clothes are on the closet floor, where shoes and bags used to be.
== Clothes are in a drawer where meds/bath stuff used to be.
== Files are in a place where clothes used to be.
== Art supplies and drawings are with writing supplies and manuscripts
== Empty folders are where art supplies used to be
== Old laptops are in different places.....

..... I could go on. Lots of changes. :crazy:


There is still stuff I don't have room for, such as the laptop support table that mom bought me. It is "living" on the bed right now... not conducive to me putting the bed up, at all, ever.

Not to mention the stacks of files I had hoped could end up in the cupboard where I just put the box of junk.

:Noooo::thud:

I felt very vulnerable after I got interrupted that night. I still do, really.

Actually, I feel all around bad, despite having gotten more sleep the past couple days (overall). Very down in the dumps. I am being withdrawn from my folks... don't feel like talking to them.