[bizi]

we took a walk in the neighbor hood tonight...hope those thoughts don't come back tonight.
thanks
bizi

[waves]

Originally Posted by bizi

I hope I am not heading for a fall.
In bed last night I was ruminating about how bad a person I was. Self loathing....
I was feeling very unloving, uncharitable, selfish....
I even felt bad about my lovely cat harriet who past away many years ago. how she was suffering...i did not think so at the time but hind sight is 20/20.
WE should have not had her go thru that surgery and just put her down about 2 months earlier.
sigh
bizi

Aww, I'm sorry Bizi.

Regarding Harriet. Those I think are no-win situations. Hind sight would lead to a guilt trip either way. If you had had her put down earlier, you would be wondering if she might have survived with the surgery. You did the best you could for her, with the information you had at the time. You are a good cat-mommy.

waves

[Mari]

Originally Posted by bizi

we took a walk in the neighbor hood tonight...hope those thoughts don't come back tonight.
thanks
bizi

Bizi,

Any chance that the holiday season is throwing you off?

M

[bizi]

thanks waves. the thing about harriet was the vet said if we did the surgery it would buy us more time with her to say good bye, no cure. so we had him do the debulking surgery. She had oral/gum cancer. He said that is what he would do. after the surgery she just seeped and drained/drooled. We don't know when she stopped eating her dry cat food it probably hurt with draining gums and such. I don't know. She lost weight but I was in denial (I did not love on her like I should have just watched her lie there probably in pain). and she was very affectionate with my hubby sitting in his lap every morning but after 2 months I gave her some wet cat food, she really went after it then over the coarse of a few days stopped eating that, we assumed the cancer had spred to her nasal passages and interferred with her smell the important part in eating for a cat or if she was in pain, probably both. I don't remember giving her any pain meds. After 7 days of not eating the wet food we put her down, I did not want to watch her whither away. So the day that we were bringing her in a sat with her on my bed and she came and layed on my chest briefly like she used to do. So we brought her in. She was my cat so my decision. I held her in the car and she struggled a bit on the way over there, the vet said she had lost a lot of weight she must have stopped eating the dry food long before that. In the end It was very peaceful. I carried her home and we burried her in our back yard next to hobbes. I have never cried/ loved/ an animal ( or humane) like that before.
sigh
Our vet did not charge us to put her down and he sent us a flower to the house the next day which was very sweet.
Sitting here crying over harriet, Jeff just gave me a hug but told me this was a waste of emotional energy. I am still grieving her. I loved her and did not show it in the end. Jeff did I did not. This is why I feel badly about her.
Jeff was sweet and bought me a grave marker of a curled up cat. I could not bear to put it outside on her grave I wanted it close to me so it is in the living room where I can see it and think of her.
Just grieving this morning....
bizi

[waves]

Dear Bizi,

Yes, you are still grieving Harriet. You will from time to time, it's ok. Don't let guilt mess with this. It is false guilt.

I do believe you did the best you could. Chances are if she had been in a lot of pain, you would have known in some way.

Euthanasia is a terrible, difficult, decision, even when there is no cure. With animals, we have to make the call for them. They can't tell us whether they are in favor or not, or when they are ready. That's so, so hard.

Our cat also died of cancer. My mother had to take her in finally, and couldn't stand the idea. Years later, thinking on it, she also had the thoughts that perhaps she should have done it sooner. Our cat had a different kind of cancer, but she too stopped eating near the end. The last month or so, my mother was boiling chicken breast for her, and then pureeing it. That was the only thing she would eat, and finally stopped eating that too.

I cried reading your story. I feel for you. I also started thinking of our cat. She died almost 30 years ago. Sometimes when I think of her, I still grieve. Other times, I enjoy happy memories. Sometimes it is a mixture of both. I don't think it's wrong or abnormal. Some people do not get as attached to animals, so they do not understand it. Your emotional energy is not wasted. She was like a person to you. It sounds to me as though Jeff was not as attached to Harriet as you were.

Just as you had more time, so did she, and you nurtured her till the very end. Harriet was blessed to have such a good cat-mommy. I insist on that.

I am so sorry for your loss.



waves

[Dmom3005]

I know exactly what you are feeling. I feel lots of the same for my
piggy. But I didn't know how sick she was. But why didn't I get her
to a vet when I thought of it.

Donna

[bizi]

waves,
thank you for your nice words.
She was a great cat, she was my cat. harriet, my sweet baby girl.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Dmom3005

I know exactly what you are feeling. I feel lots of the same for my
piggy. But I didn't know how sick she was. But why didn't I get her
to a vet when I thought of it.

Donna

WE do the best that we can do.
donna, ((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Mari]

Originally Posted by bizi

waves,
thank you for your nice words.
She was a great cat, she was my cat. harriet, my sweet baby girl.
sigh
bizi

Bizi,

You were good to her and you did the best for her.
It is normal to think back and consider how things could have gone differently.

Know and feel that every decision you made was with love.
Love counts for everything.

Mari