[Mari]

I found this book:
The Emotionally Absent Mother: a guide to
self-healing and getting the love you missed

by Jasmin Lee Cori, Ms, LPC.

---

14 possible reasons Mother was not there:


She has gotten worse over the years.
I am not better at all despite counseling, hypnosis, self-help, . . . I might be getting worse and do not know how to fix myself.
I am angry, sad, and only barely functioning on some levels -- probably close to o.k. on other levels.

M

[mymorgy]

It is very hard to be sensitive!I am sorry your mother couldn't give you what you needed and what you need. I wonder if all her energy is in keeping herself together. she seems to function on a different planet.
bobby

[bizi]

HOw does one forgive their mother?????This is a must for self healing. If you wish to have a relationship with her, i guess it has to be on her terms.
bizi

[Mari]

Bizi,

The self help books do not ask you to forgive your mother for the harm she has done to you.

They usually talk about things like this:
~ re-mothering yourself,
~ loving yourself,
~ good self-care,
~ embracing your own needs,
~ supporting the inner child,
~ being in touch with your body (body work, exercise, massage,
~ self-talk
~ accessing love through art, music, nature

Love Your Inner Child
http://www.healyourlife.com/love-your-inner-child

At this point in our lives—right now—we need to begin to make ourselves whole and accept every part of who we are.
We need to communicate with our inner child . . .
. .Thoughts of forgiveness and love for our inner child will open pathways, and the Universe will support us in our efforts.

M

[Mari]

Originally Posted by mymorgy

It is very hard to be sensitive!I am sorry your mother couldn't give you what you needed and what you need. I wonder if all her energy is in keeping herself together. she seems to function on a different planet.
bobby

Bobby,

Yeah.
She barely manages even now.
My sis helps her to a degree.

M

[waves]

Mari

You do not need to forgive your mother to re-mother yourself. Re-mothering is a long haul though, in and of itself.

Actually the re-mothering is what may eventually get you to the point of being able to forgive your mother. Right now, you may not even want to - and that's ok.

[waves]

I think you teach me about re-mothering a lot, maybe without trying or meaning to. For instance, in asking me to be kind to myself or suggesting ways in which I might do that.

My mother was emotionally absent for me in many ways, growing up, so I have some similar things going on. My first psychiatrist recommended a similar book for me, along the lines of the one you are reading... same ideas anyway. The one I read I found drawn out and boring, but it was more theoretical/anecdotal, and less applied than what you are reading.

I think though that once one is aware of the general concept of re-mothering, and the need to do it, it is possible to do it without specific guidance.

One technique I use sometimes when I get really down on myself about something is to imagine how I'd feel about my child in this situation -- or even just any child, small child). Thinking in those terms I can perceive innocence in the child, and feel more benevolent than I would, thinking about myself. Then what I do is try and "plug in" the benevolent feelings towards myself. I actually try the feelings on as I would a piece of clothing.

[mymorgy]

great post
love
bobby

[Mari]

Something is happening right now. Likely two or three or four things but I have no idea to tap into which of those is the actual problem or if the second or third is all part of the picture.

I am deeply sad. I am troubled too.

They might be un-related to the the mother issues.

I feel that I am close to crisis mode -- or at least need to gear up to veer away from heading into crisis mode.
============

I believe that they are something else.
One of those things I absolutely cannot talk about except to say that I am disturbed tremendously.
===
Possible help for myself right now is to try to get to the gym because that seems to be helping me.
It also helps to be in the same place as other people who seem to be functioning even though I do not interact (the same as most people in the gym -- they are usually focused on the work out unless they run into a buddy or two or are meeting up with someone/have come with someone.

The sauna too maybe.
Old tdoc liked the sauna because she said sweating helped release emotions the in a similar way that crying does.
My acupuncturist of three or four years used to say the same thing.

M

[Mari]

Maybe I am supposed to forgive myself.


M