Kay,

I am happy to hear about your father.

It will ease your burdens to find that he is getting help/following a treatment plan.

M

Let us know if you need to even just talk. We are hear.

Donna

Thank you

The 50mg of Seroquel is still quieting the ugly imagery. And it isn't destabilizing or sedating me. Thank God.

I woke up feeling much relieved this morning, but I'm still going to have to worry about my dad indefinitely because he needs to continue to want help, he'll have to have lots of med adjustments before he's out of the woods, and he'll have to remain compliant. I hope he's honest and finally gets the BP dx. It's dangerous to jack up those antidepressants for someone who has BP I, which he clearly has, especially if they aren't on a mood stabilizer.

Drunk.org told me that they filed the certificate yesterday that says I completed the program. They said to call the NH DMV today to ask what I need to do next because I'm out of state. I called this morning and of course the DMV didn't have the certificate yet. The lady I spoke to told me to call back in a few hours because if they faxed it it might not be in the system yet. She also said they could have mailed it. I ****ing hope they faxed it! Drunk.org told me yesterday the DMV should already have it.

When I called I found out that once the DMV gets the certificate, I have to request what they call a 30-day letter. I have to bring it (with other paperwork) to the MA DMV so they can do some voodoo to my license so I can get insurance and the co. will file proof of it to the NH DMV. That would satisfy my obligations to NH and I would get a clearance letter- then deal with MA.

The cost of the insurance will be ridiculous because of the DUI and I'll have to put 20% down. I'm guessing it will be about a grand. Then the monthly payments are going to be equally ridiculous. It's going to hurt.

Just because I'm complaining about this process and the expense of cab fare and insurance doesn't mean I am not accepting responsibility for my actions. I made a long series of very bad decisions that began with me not going back to my pdoc when I first realized I was hypomanic and off meds and it culminated in a s/s attempt. I accept responsibility for all of those decisions, including the one where I got bombed and got behind the wheel. Mania is not an excuse.

Right now I'm trying to just focus on getting the 30-day letter and the insurance and certificate. But I'm having a hard time not thinking of the end game... the possibility that after all of this MA may try to yank my license for another year.

i am going through a process that isn't successful to deal with my feelings of failure and all sorts of bad decisions because i am bipolar. I see it even now with my binging and buying. I know what i am doing but it is out of my control, even with medication.
be gentle with yourself. It is really not your faults. trust me.
bobby

There is no "responsibility to accept." -- That is how I see it

Try to handle the after effects as best you can.

=====

The states' rule books make it hard, Kay. Keep following their steps.
===
I do hope for his sake and yours that your father gets an appropriate
dx and medication plan.


M

You are smart, honest and brave kay.
I am rooting for you.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

I saw my pdoc today.

She was happy that I was on the ball, added the 50mg of Seroquel and was able to shut down the ugly imagery. However, she's very concerned about my intrusive thoughts.

I had success getting rid of OCD sx and the intrusive thoughts on 100mg of Zoloft at one point, but I was zombified on Lithium and lots of other meds at the time. And having the Zoloft on board ended up contributing to the start of the last manic episode.
She said it's like my "GAD, OCD, and PTSD are all tied up in a knot" and with anyone else she would be prescribing something like a SSRI and jacking it up to get rid of the intrusive thoughts, but I'm "bipolar one like there's no tomorrow" and using antidepressants right now is too dangerous.
I agree with her assessments. There is no ****ing way I would take an antidepressant- I've been manic or hypomanic close to 8mo out of this year- I'd have to be in a hole before I'd do it.

She asked me how much Seroquel I thought I could handle. It's a hard question to answer for a lot of reasons but we made the decision to raise the am dose to 100mg to see if it will help with the intrusive thoughts.

I took 1mg klonopin and 50mg seroquel at 8am this morning. When I came home at 11am I took the extra 50mg of seroquel...
Totally unexpected reaction: Not sedated. High. Or some combination. I feel like I'm at a keg party and I've been playing beer pong and snorting coke. I'm ****ed up.

Ordinarily I would just go back to taking the 50mg and leave it at that, but she made such a big deal about the intrusive thoughts... I called and left her a message.

BTW drunk.org must have mailed that paperwork to the DMV because they still don't have it. Tried to call and ask if they faxed or mailed it, but every time I call it goes to voice mail. Whatever.

p.s. I have no idea how long it took me to write this post but it was a very, very long time.

Called drunk.org and finally got someone on the phone. They DO fax the DMV, they just never did mine. The woman who does "completions" takes Fridays off. I'm supposed to get a call Monday once she finishes mine.

I'm glad I called again... I fell through the cracks yet again. These people are inept.

I'm on doxycycline right now and have been having terrible headaches. I read that one of the possible side effects of it is intracranial hypertension... I'm willing to bet that's why the extra Serouquel made me whacky.

i hope you feel better soon.
bobby