After a week off work and an obsession to paint paint and more painting.

I returned to work on Saturday, prepared to start again and go through my daily routine until the next BLIP in my head arrises. It hasn't taken long to get to this. It appears to me that the more Doctors tell me to avoid stress the more i encounter.

Last year was a nightmare for me, i had endured three years of hell with my house.............. Where i live local government can declare housing areas Housing Market Renewal areas. This means basically they can through a Court Order compulsorily Purchase your house, give you less money than its worth, then knock it down, and expect you to go off and get a new home, with a bigger mortgage. [ in my case i had a £15,000 mortgage , for my original house. My mortgage on my new house is £146,000 ]


My new home is great and i love it, but the debt over my head is a worry.

So last year i knew i had to find a new home, I also had big problems at work. My company was in Merger talks with another company i stupidly volunteered to represent the north west of England region [332 staff]. Basically there were to be 66 redundancies in this area and all staff had to re-apply for their jobs [including me] but in a new format. I volunteered because i knew i was loosing my home, and i wanted to have first hand Knowledge if i was about to loose my job, plus i wanted support my colleagues who were too frightened to ask questions in fear they might be seen as disruptive. [ by the way this was not a union role it was a staff representative role, and the union were none to pleased i was elected, but sad to say trade unions in the UK are not what they used to be, there useless to be polite]

During this time, my Mother[79] had a heart attack, and as a result found out the same day she had breast cancer.

I honestly thought things couldnt get worse. [ she is ok at present lump has been removed and Radium therapy is working]

Going back to the real reason for this Rant, my return to work on Saturday, whilst i've been away several incidents had occurred at work and i feel they have been left until my return to sort things out. The new working structure is a sham, managers dont have clue, which leaves the staff feeling hung out to dry. where i work i'm lucky if i see a manager once a month. Some say its a great reflection on our team just getting on with the task at hand whilst they sort out other Hostels that are really struggling.

It brings me back to my point, just because i can cope it doesn't mean i'm immune from daily pressure of work. Constant violence aggression , young men self harming, Bullying and downright MAY-HEM.

I am a conscientious worker and as a Support Worker, for less fortunate people i wish the powers that be would Support us.


Mari i think you said in a reply to antother of my threads you mentioned - 'racing thoughts' if, you have any info on this i would be very greatful. As at present the last 72 hours have been a nightmare i cant sleep, relax or think straight i have to put the TV on, or do this [type], because if there is quite i keep thinking about things or hearing a song that got in my head last week over and over again. It is driving me mad. When i'm in a group i just feel like screaming shut up........I CANT WIN.


To cap it all over the last two years i've had Annal Fissure's , Im convvinced they get worse when i'm stressed.[ the more fibre/ fruit/ veg i eat the worse it is] Hopefuly this will be sorted on Thursday as i see my Doctor and will insist on an operation i've seen on the internet, all the creams subscribed have not worked, one 'RECTOGEL' gives me the headaches from hell, [ it lowers the blood pressure] It really is a pain in the ******* I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


So the end resullt of this Rant is another days holiday tomorrow followed my day off on Wednesday, and hope to have calmed down to weather the next storm. I'M so tired of feeling like this

Plus the weather in England has been diabolical, rain rain and more bl**dy rain. I bought a a BBQ and PATIO furniture for my new house on 10th of June it was a CURSE as thats when the rain came and has not stoppeed since.... AL-GORE may be wrong about Global Warming Well at least where i live anyway. [ No wonder for TEN years i was told i just had S.A.D]
PS my washing machine broke on Friday the 13th, followed by my Cooker today, [i must have upset someone really bad upstairs]

Rant Over....................sorry............