I do. I still don't quite know how to use it. Sometimes the mist turns off. I have to start pressing buttons.
Pudge is so silky now since she was groomed. She lets me cuddle against her.
I think I am probably right about the anger bringing on the mania. My friend who said we woud do something yesterday to cheer me up and didn't call had called me up this morning and I told her I was too depressed to talk. She said she was going out to brunch. She just called me. I told her I still wasn't doing well. Then she said she doesn't get depressed and began to talk about one of her daughters who is having problems. I told her I don;t feel well and had to get off. I didn't have to eat my anger. I TOOK CARE OF MYSELF FOR A CHANGE.
love
bobby

yes we have to take care of ourselves.
(((((hugs)))))))
bizi

Ugh, the computer isn't adding were its supposed too

Bobby

I am sorry you are worried about topamax side effects.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

big relief. i injected myself and it went super. I even heard the double click. I got two things out of my system. I told my friend Kathy something extremely personal. She knew about it but she didn't know the extent that it bothered me. It also concerned her. I wrote to another friend about a drug and told her that her daughter probably had what I had bipolar and described the symptoms. I was blunt. a load off my chest.

How was the information received?
love bizi

I heard from one so far and she said I was a a good and compassionate person and she will wait for me to call her and then we can talk.I said I will call in a few days. I want to make sure I will be under control. I said I was happy just to stay home and not have any doctors' appointments. I haven't heard from the other yet. That should really be interesting. It has been bothering me for years!
I think tonite I can watch the patriots game on espn and probably fall asleep watching it. The book was fantastic!
love
bobby

I just heard from her. She was very kind.
love
bobby

I am glad that you heard from them and that they were very kind.
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I'm having trouble with both pdoc and pharmacy re my Klonopin refill.

Since one week ago, the pharmacy has been saying things like "working on it."
Today tdoc secretary said something having to do
with an issue with the pharmacy.


Late this afternoon the pharmacy said the Klonopin would be ready at
9:00 tonight.

That's what time the place closes!

Or maybe I misheard and the time is 9:00 a.m.
I donno.

:mad::confused::eek:

=-=-

oh wow. i wonder what is happening. best of luck
bobby

I am so sorry for the hold up....very frustrating.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I am so ticked at Marci. She rarely says thank you when I give her something and I hate it when she asks for something. Yesterday I gave her three tops and of course she didn't say thank you Two were new..





she almost acts as if she was doing me a favor. She asked for a little bottle of essential oil to help her sleep. I bought a lot but I didn't feel like giving her any. She doesn't understand that I am out of control about spending and now I am worried that I will run out of money. Yesterday she mocked me and said she was bipolar. Today I bought her a bottle which has gotten me furious. I don't think I will give her xmas money. I have given her so much and if she can't figure out that I am overspending because of mental illness f@#k her.
This morning I woke up with such gas pains. the new laxative isn't working that well.

An agency is trying to find a therapist for me that comes to the apartment. I really need it. I can;' afford to pay weekly cab fares.
Roman Chamomile Essential Oil for Anger Issues. Roman chamomile essential oil is helpful to anyone under stress, frustration, depression, intense fear, loneliness, or post-traumatic stress disorder. It is also used to manage resentment and anger.

i am going to try it right now.

Bobby

The laxative might have just been taking a little longer than you thought
it should. I don't know. But remember that even if it works most of the time its working. That is what counts.

When it comes to Marci, maybe you need to see if the agency has someone else that can come one day of the week. And take Marci back to once a week. See if you like the new person, and then break the relationship with Marci.

Or just see if she finally gets it that you don't want her mocking you and
things.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I am with donna, see if you can get a new person. You don't need the added stress.
love bizi

I actually wound up taking three laxatives and the prescription laxative again in the morning. I read up on the internet and a lot of people have trouble with it.
Before I got Marcy the agency had a lot of trouble getting me a helper. It seems that most of the women don't just want to work four hours at a time because they don't get paid much and have to pay their own bus fare. If I tried to do that then I think Marci would just stop altogether. She comes on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday there is not much work. She really is a good person. Today I will tell her I ordered the essential oil for her and I am totally terrified that I am going to run out of money. Even my supplementary insurance is going up next year to almost 190 a month besides a deductible.. I will see if she offers to give me the money. If she does I will take it. I was going to offer her more clothes but I will just give them to the good will. I have a lot of cashmeres that are in great condition that I want to get rid of and just won't mention them. I will just keep a few. I want to straighten out the apartment and make it easy for when I die.I am leaving everything to Alice and want to save her some problems. I hardly wear sweaters now and I like to be a bit cold.
love
bobby
the chamomile put me to sleep for a while.

((((((HUGS)))))))
love bizi

Marci didn't offer to pay for the essential oil I ordered.I told her I was going to run out of money. Then she was one of the new toys I got for Danny. They don't cost much money, under 5 dollars and she said she would love to have something like that on her bed.I have really spoiled her. I knew she was asking for it but I didn't comment rather saying something nasty like you should buy one yourself. Right now I am just so angry I will say things I will regret. She doesn't know anything is wrong. In the morning she had "in service" and part of the talk was on bipolar. She said that was Bobby. They talked about overspending. She really knows. I will probably tell her on Monday that since I have given her so much those will be her xmas presents.
Today hopefully I will not buy anything except maybe chinese food.I wsould up buying another essential oil that is good for anger I am not getting on the scale. I am so scared about money. I am so scared about being alone.I am so scared of my anger... I have to write something to Zeynep. I feel so fragile.
Love
bobby

Maybe the essential oils will help you with your anxiety....any more thought about the risperdal?
love bizi

i just bought an essential oil that is good for anger. I decided I will wait to see the pdoc. Then I will decide. It is as if everything is catching up on me.I went over my finances again and probably won't run out of money. The spending will slow down although I bought some more cheap dog toys. I really got angry at Marci yesterday when she didn't offer to pay for the essential oil. Can't wait to see her reaction when I tell her I have given her so much that no xmas present.
I hope she surprises me. she is a good person.
I forgot if I mentioned the visiting nurse came over and she talked about her kitty cat who died. She didn't understand how the cat go outdoors. One day she how the kitty got up on her legs and put her paws on the door knob and turned it and opened the door. That was the best cat story I ever heard.
later I am going to have sesame chicken. can't wait.
love
bobby
my friend Joyce just wrote me and said she is glad that her cats aren't that smart lol

Oh I can totally see a kitty getting up on the door and turning the knob
to get outside. My boy cat sure would. I'm beginning to think my girl
would too if she wants too. She hasn't tried too yet. But one day I'm
sure she will.

Is the visiting nurse going to be a usual thing or just once in a while.

I really wish finding good help was easier. I'm sorry its been so hard
with Bobby. Good luck with her.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

the nurse comes every through months to check on my meds mostly. she doesn't tale bp or anything.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. DOES ONE OF THOSE CATS DO THE SAME THING??\really need to known!
fond;y
bobby

I just found the risperdal!
 

I just took one and will continue to take it to see if I see a difference.
?
Risperidone alters two mood-regulating brain chemicals, serotonin and dopamine, which may play a role in bipolar disorder, a condition characterized by mood swings from depression to mania. Usually, risperidone is used to treat the manic symptoms of bipolar disorder, including aggression, irritation, inability to concentrate and risky behavior.

I gained a lot of weight when I was on risperdal. I think around 30 or 35 percent of people gain. The bottle is a year old

Did Risperdal help you when you were taking it?


It would be nice to get some benefits from a med.





M

It definitely helped me and I was put on it when I was first diagnosed and was on it for years. I don't know why my current doctor took me off of it a little more than a year ago. After this past episode I don't think I should have been taken off of it. I don't know what the expiration date of this is. I hope it still works. Starting now I really have to diet. I think I am going to drink a lot of soup and eat a lot of hard boiled eggs. I really gained a lot of weight from it.
fondly,
bobby
I just bought this
The weight loss associated with daily MCT oil use is modest, but not incredibly significant unless paired with other weight loss therapies. Various studies (4) do show that daily use of MCT oil results in a reduction in body weight, waist circumference, hip circumference, total body fat, total subcutaneous body fat, and even visceral fat.

suri's cancer has gotten worse again.

I am sorry about suri.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Bobby

I think the med being a year old is okay. I'd personally be worried
if it was 3 or 4 years old. But I think the expiration dates are more
that they want to sell more meds personally.

Mari, I sure wish your medicines worked. I'm glad that personally
mine do. But mine aren't for the same kind of things. My primary
and I both thing my topamax is helping both my migraines and my
weight gain. Just because I'm pretty sure (knock on wood) I haven't
had to use my migraine medicine imitrex for 3 months. Its been
allergy headaches or stress I've been having. I can finally tell the
difference.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

So sorry about Siri's news.


I was using MCT Coconut Oil.


After a while I started using it on my skin -- especially my hands.

M

did you drink any? how did you hear about it?
I am so worried about weight gain from risperdal. I am taking money out of my savings. I get so anxious when my checking account dips. I think I will make an appt with the doctor and ask for geodon and not tell him I went back on risperdal. I have been reading stories of weight gain and I know in the past I gained a huge amount. I wish I could go on a keto diet.
I feel beyond awful about Suri's news but I aam beginning not to feel as manicky.

There are several reasons why MCT oil may be beneficial when you’re trying to lose weight.

MCT oil has been shown to increase the release of two hormones that promote the feeling of fullness in the body: peptide YY and leptin (2Trusted Source).

It may even be better than coconut oil in keeping you full. One study found that people taking two tablespoons of MCT oil as part of their breakfast ended up eating less food for lunch compared to those taking coconut oil (3).

The same study also discovered a lower rise in triglycerides and glucose with MCT oil, which may also influence the feeling of fullness.

Additionally, taking MCT oil has been shown to significantly reduce body weight and waist circumference. Researchers even report that it could help prevent obesity (4Trusted Source, 5Trusted Source, 6Trusted Source).

MCT oil has about 10% fewer calories than long-chain triglycerides (LCTs), which are found in foods such as olive oil, nuts and avocados (7Trusted Source, 8).

Your body also processes MCTs differently, which may help you burn calories (4Trusted Source, 9Trusted Source, 10Trusted Source).

Your body can use MCT oil as an instant source of energy, making it unnecessary to store fat for this purpose. Nevertheless, it’s important to note that your body may adapt to this dietary change, leading to only temporary results (6Trusted Source, 10Trusted Source).

MCTs can be converted into ketones, which are produced from the breakdown of fat when carb intake is low. If you’re following a ketogenic diet, which is very low in carbs yet high in fat, then taking MCT oil can help you stay in the fat-burning state known as ketosis.

Lastly, your gut environment is very important when it comes to your weight. MCT oil can help optimize the growth of good bacteria and support the gut lining, which could also help you lose weight (11Trusted Source).

SUMMARY
MCT oil may support weight loss by increasing fullness, fat loss, energy burning, ketone production and by improving your gut environment.
2. Instant Source of Energy That Can Also Be Used to Fuel Your Brain
MCT oil has been dubbed a super fuel since your body absorbs MCTs more rapidly than long-chain triglycerides (LCTs), which contain more carbons in their fatty acid chains (7Trusted Source).

Due to their shorter chain length, MCTs travel straight from the gut to the liver and do not require bile to break down like longer-chain fats do (12Trusted Source).

In the liver, the fats are broken down to be either used as fuel or stored as body fat.

Since MCTs easily enter your cells without being broken down, they can be used as an immediate source of energy (13Trusted Source).

When you’re on a ketogenic diet, MCTs can also be converted into ketones in the liver.

These ketones can pass through your blood-brain barrier, making them a convenient source of energy for your brain cells.

SUMMARY
MCT oil is easily absorbed and transported throughout the body. It can be used as an instant source of energy or can be converted into ketones to fuel your brain.

3. May Reduce Lactate Buildup in Athletes and Help Use Fat for Energy
MCT oil has gained popularity amongst athletes.

During exercise, rising lactate levels can negatively impact exercise performance.

Interestingly, MCTs may help reduce lactate buildup. One study found that athletes who took 6 grams or about 1.5 teaspoons of MCTs with food before cycling had lower lactate levels and found it easier to exercise, compared to those taking LCTs (14Trusted Source).

Furthermore, the study found that taking the MCT oil before exercise may help you use more fat instead of carbs for energy.

Even though MCTs can increase fat burning during exercise, study results are mixed as to whether MCT oil can help you exercise better (15Trusted Source).

One study showed it could improve swimming capacity in mice, but another human-based study found no improvement in endurance performance in runners (16Trusted Source, 17Trusted Source).

At the very least, the results of one animal study suggest that MCT oil does not negatively affect exercise performance, which is encouraging (18Trusted Source).

SUMMARY
MCT oil can increase fat burning and reduce the need for carbs during exercise. However, it is unclear whether this translates to improved exercise performance.

i got an appointment for my pdoc next thursday at 10;30.
I have been having trouble with getting into my brokerage account. I swore a few times. I couldn't help it. They are putting the check in the mail today

bobby, I believe that with better bipolar control you will be able to diet.
(((((HUGS AND LOVE)))))
bizi

I stopped the risperdal because it makes you gain a lot of weight. I will ask him for geodon.
the prescription laxative stopped working. four laxatives later nothing. then I took olive oil and apple cider vinegar a little while ago. It worked. I just ordered some flaxseed, coconut oil and mct liquid to help go.. I have been having catastrophic thinking. I will continue to also have a lot of phillips caplets to see if they might start working again. They stopped working after I tried lactulose. I had a lot of soup and popcorn yesterday and marinated artichokes and a little tuna salad.
I am still obsessing about Marci. I don't want to give her a xmas present because I have given her so f@#king much. As I said she didn't offer to pay for the essential oil when I told her I was going to run out of money. She makes 40k a year. Thank God I didn't give her the stuffed dog that she hinted she wanted. I had just bought her a beautiful navy top with embroidery and a little while ago a beautiful white top. I had bought the same navy top for me. Both were extremely marked down. I just gave her two new blue tops -one didn't fit me and the other I didn't care for. she also got another top that I wore only once.She doesn't say thank you.
as I wrote I am going to give good will shoes cashmere sweaters and tunic tops.

I gained three more pounds. I am so out of control. Then my friend told me about Emmet Till who was a young black boy whose murder helped start the civil right's movement. He was so badly beaten and had a eye gouged out and then shot in the head. This has been haunting me all weekend since she told me. His mother left his coffin open for everybody to see. There is so much evil.
This weekend my cats have been giving me a lot of comfort. I read an article on how to get your cats more affectionate and wouldn't you know that Abby came over three times yesterday and stayed with me for a long time. I wonder if she is a mind reader.
I hope my psychiatrist whom I see on Thursday can give me something to get out of this mixed mood. It is a nightmare.
I bought more books. I have been constantly using the diffuser.

Emmett Till, in full Emmett Louis Till, (born July 25, 1941, Chicago, Illinois, U.S.—died August 28, 1955, Money, Mississippi), African American teenager whose murder catalyzed the emerging civil rights movement. Till was born to working-class parents on the South Side of Chicago.
I think part of that information is wrong.
I think he was born down south and moved to Chicago. His murderers were found not guilty and "Till's murder and open casket funeral galvanized the emerging civil rights movement. More than six decades later, in January 2017, Timothy Tyson, author of The Blood of Emmett Till and a senior research scholar at Duke University, revealed that in a 2007 interview Carolyn admitted to him that she had lied about Till making advances toward her."

I am so depressed and my stomach hurts and I am getting paranoid. I can;t find three of my containers for flavored green tea which the last time I saw them were on the microwave. I have looked four times. I wonder if Marci put them somewhere.. I am making fennel tea right now.

I wish you felt better.....((((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

thank you so much. I wrote Robert and told him not to come over tomorrow because I am too depressed. I won't speak much to Marci. I am not going to answer the phone in case it rings.
love
bobby

I am sorry you're isolating yourself.....
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi