[Mari]

Hi, GeeLo,

You mostly sound good here.


My head is slow and getting out words in writing or speech is hard due to the depression.


M

[bizi]

Mari, I am sorry for your depression.
G- you are doing so well.
Good for you!!!!
I am really taking things as slow as possible, just being thorough.
I have plenty of time today to do the things that I want to do and need to do. I am glad I am only posting here and no other forums.
Have a good day!
bizi
I am available for support.

[GeeLuv]

So, I'm kinda taking the day off today. Well, it was supposed to be a day relaxing with hubby, but I kinda had a breakdown today. Ended up napping. Now I don't know what is to happen but I just wanted to stop by real quick before battery dies and before I eat lunch. Think my appetite is coming now. Anyway, that has been my day in a nutshell. The breakdown was from dreams I had and waking up to a little disappointment from someone (not here) that really bothers me but I think I just have to get over it. Also, the straw that broke the camel's back was when hubby pointed out one of my flaws, not even in a malicious way, but it just bothered me as I was already sensitive. I think the greatness of having fantasy celebrity obsessions is because they dont know your flaws so you can just imagine them loving you unconditionally...(not to say hubby doesn't love me like that....i hope you know what I mean). Bleh! Just bleh!

Ok, rant done.

Now to go eat lunch and try to get my head on straight.

[bizi]

For some reason my addictions have seem to disappear with other things to do. I don't have time for them.
good riddance!
hugs
bizi

[GeeLuv]

Alright, so if I don't do this here and now, I may not be able to chat with you folks today as I'm getting super stressed/busy again. It's probably more in my head though, so maybe jotting down a few thoughts will help. So let's see.

Had another troubling dream this morning, which led to me losing a bit of quality sleep. Oh well! It was bound to happen since I stayed up late last night (2am) and hubby had to work at 8am right on the other side of the bedroom door. so yeah, little less sleep or quality sleep than preferred, but I'm doing alright otherwise.

So today on the to do list really isn't that much, except that one thing has been very stressful (I won't be talking about that here though).

Have to cook. I'm making a chicken meal that I did the other day that was new, but not really because I pretty much use the same ingredients, maybe just a slightly different combo.

Then I have "that thing".

The other thing is, that appointment with my GP that I've been planning and stressing and straining about for almost 3 months that was scheduled for this week has been canceled due to this damn covid-19. I'm super emotional about it frankly, but I won't elaborate on that hell right now. I have to give them a call back to sort out when and how I'll get my bloodwork done and refill my prescriptions. I'll need a new appointment for that. Curses!!

I apologize, I'm a bit angry today so my posts here aren't as pleasant as I would like. But I'm human and I'm a very emotional being, so this is just one of those emotions and I feel safe to share it here with you...even if I'm a little embarrassed of myself sometimes.

Ok, well, I think that's about it for this post. Time to go cook!

[GeeLuv]

Ok so that "thing" got delayed if it will happen at all today, but I'm all caught up on everything else and now I just need to work up the desire to do my workout...alright, have a good night everyone! Hugs!

[GeeLuv]

I really shouldn't be here right now, but I want to document how I'm feeling while I'm feeling it.

The best way I can think to describe it is as if I just drank a full cup of coffee...I'm so physically tired, but i can't relax. I do worry about things which elevate my anxiety, but then I can get it to a dull mild level again. I'm so tired from working out. I did a jog/walk today and moved my arms around a lot instead of my steady walk this time. I had this energy I haven't had in years, but now I'm spent, but with that restlessness. I want to cry for a few reasons-that thing that's troubling me...i want to be there to address it, but I know I just need to rest my mind. I'm stressed about remembering to set meat out to thaw when I just want to call it quits for the day (it's too early to set it out now). I'm so tired, but my mind is bored. I'm thinking about all the things I want to write. Started to add to my story for the writing camp coming up since I'm finally feeling inspiration again, but had to stop typing because I was...you guessed it! Too tired (to hold my arms up).

Plus what doesn't help is this neck ache that I woke up with, but forgot to mention all day.

Oh, I didn't even finish that thought! So I want to cry (another reason because I'm frustrated with my marriage and very stressed there, plus the doctor app being canceled) but I can't make tears! Like it feels like that overwhelmed feeling you get right before you vomit, but you only dry heave. Well, it's like that, only I dry cry...sorta...only I don't get the relief after...

So I guess I'm also irritable, but it's not as bad as earlier. Oh but I still feel angry at my husband when I think of his complaining tonight. Something about the mess in the kitchen. I had just worked out, I was too tired to even finish with the yoga/stretch I usually do after and this just tightened back up all my muscles that the exercise was helping. Again, I can calm it down again, but then it sparks up again. It's as if my brain is saying, "oh! You wanna relax? Well too damn bad for you! Haha!" Evil brain...

Ok, that's probably enough. I don't wanna bother anyone. I just wanted you to know what I'm going through right now, whatever it may be called. It's not fun. :/

[GeeLuv]

I'm also feeling heartache when I think about that thing and I'm laying in bed, twirling my hair to self soothe. I don't know what else to do!

[bizi]

This is your thread/blog/journal musings writings what ever you want to write.
you are not bothering anybody.
I hope you are able to sleep tonight!!!!!
I thought that I was going to get klonipin but I was wrong!
grrrr....
bizi

[GeeLuv]

I just was coming back to say that I think writing it down helped. Not sure if it would have been the same without an audience, but I could try that next time maybe. Anyway, twirling had stopped...hopefully I don't start up again now that I mentioned it though hehe

And thanks Bizi! Sorry about your frustrations but i hope you have a good one!! Hugs