I rreaally enjoyed it. I still haven't gotten my check. the depression and fear doesn't let up I just feel like crying. I am worried about money but I don't think I have to be if I don't live that long.

I am sorry that you are suffering.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

thank you. last night was really bad. I am so lonely. I gained more weight. I am going to stop a pill that puts on weight.
I am going to try to read.
I will call Linda on Monday. I wish she had called me. I feel so needy. I am filled with self pity. My laxative that always works magnesium citrate liquid only seems to be working now if I take two bottles. I don't like doing that though.
at least pudgy slept with me all night :-)
i am going to stay away from ebay

do you have a prescription savings plan for medications?
Linzess is used to treat IBS It is expensive here about $465 a month I can't afford that I will stick to my colace at 8 a day. I need to drink more water as that always seems to do the trick.

hope you have a good day.
love bizi

i do. the most i pay is 20 dollars except for one drug that isn't in the plan. I wound up getting that free. that is the one I am going to cut out. I think it is making me gain weight. right now I am not depressed.
love
bobby

linzess, I don't qualify for the discount card. or else I would try it.
glad that you are not depressed.
I have almost lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks.
I know that is from beer bloat but fun to watch the scale go down.
(((((HUGS))))))
love you
bizi

talking on the phone so much with Linda has brought back so many memories about my past I love God with all my heart, soul and might. My bipolar brought me there. I think it also prevented me from marrying even though I came close.


trigger



None of my boyfriends would have worked out and my soul mate hung himself from a tree. He had also tried when he was younger.My first boyfriend tried unsuccessfully when he was very young and another tried twice and failed. I was thinking about these things all night.
I would have made a lousy wife even though I love children. Sh@t

I am not doing enough p.t. because it hurts and spots move. The p.t. massages my lower back where it really hurts and now it moved in the middle.

Bobby , am so sorry about the S attempts. people are really struggling....For years people were afraid to talk about their problems. It seems folks are now talking more openly about suicide. I am sorry you had to experience that, so much sorrow and grief.
You know my brother committed that when he was 32 years old. such a shame.
bizi

there are no vaccines available in NY.
I thought I was going to stop watching so much new but I guess I am not.
my therapist keeps on saying he is jealous of my terrace. yesterday I rubbed it in and said it was an open terrace and good size. I should have mentioned it was a corner terrace.
i just got my yearly annunity refund.
love
bobby

receiving money is always a good thing!
love bizi

miracle- my legs are not hurting me that much after about siix months, I don't have to walk around holding on to things. I hope it continues, I am very anxious and a bit depressed and spending money.
love
bobby

stop that!
did You think about the NAC that I take that helps control urges to picking and how I think it helps control other urges too.
You take 600mg 1 pill twice a day for 2 weeks then 1200mg 2 pills twice a day. My nails have never looked better and I have not picked in ages. I think it could help you with your urges to spend money.
have you every put together puzzles? my sister is doing that to combat the covid isolation.
What is your anxiety about?
or is it just in general?
love to you
bizi

i have tried nac before but it didn't help. It is generalized anxiety. I haven't been into puzzles for years. I am trying to get myself to read again.
love
bobby

I started to read a book "the night circus". It is good, I really like it. I have read it before but it feels brand new so am really enjoying this time around.
It is written by a female, can't remember her name. I think she is jewish.


Erin Morganstern is her name.
love bizi

how are you?
sending hugs for good measure.
(((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

today was another rough day.Robert took Pudge too the vet for a booster shot. I a, so helpless. He wanted her to be in the crate. Pudge knows what the crate means. Finally I called downstairs for a porter to see if he could get her. He got her one two three. I gave him six dollars. I got upset with Robert. after twenty minutes, they called and said she was really to come home. I left a message with ribert. Eventually after 2 hours he picked her up. poor Pudge. I was frantic and full of rage. Before that I had trouble selling a stock. It said I didn't own it. what a fu#$king mess. eventually it worked out and I got my price..too much stress. the news is stressing me out and the virus is stressing me out and my trouble walking and my stomach , my cataracts and my mouth are stressing me out.
one more therapy and will resume in 8 eights.
I did enjoy one of my lectures. Aaron said he would call but didn't. I was hoping he wouldn't. I am so ambivalent about my therapist.He mentions my having a terrace too much. I need help not a fu@king terrace to fill greatful for.

sounds like you maybe could get or need a new therapist.
She doesn't sound therapeutic at all. Can you confront her?

Is it cold there bobby, do you guys have snow?
The weather has been nice her, but we will be having some really cooler nights 30-40's, 50's during the day.
Have you been able to read yet? what about getting on your bike.
I hope you have better days ahead. This day sounds awful for you.
sorry you are suffering.
love bizi

Hugs for you, Bobby!!
Thinking about you. Thinking about all of you here! ❤

i don't feel well. I am terrified if I got Robert mad.I would be lost without him and he does have a temper.I wrote him to ask if he needed meat for danny but he hasn't answered me yet.
I didn't sleep most of the night.
I don't go outside so I don't know about the weather. It didn't. I confronted the therapist and he took it well. I told him he wasn't empathic. He took it well and gave me a ton of compliments..
I just feel so helpless and terrified.
love
bobby with tears in her eyes. aaron and Linda called but I was so tired.

I am sorry you are not feeling well.
you confronted your therapist!!!!!! how do you feel now?
am sorry you are feeling tired.you could take a nap?
love to you

bizi

i feel good about confronting my therapist. I wonder how strong an impression I made on him.
Linda told me to take aleve. I think it helps. I also took aaleve p,m and slept an hour more. I have a hard time taking naps. Linda said she is always tired too but she is anemic.
love
bobby

I am glad that you feel good about your confrontation.
(((((HUGS)))))
I am glad that you have linda in your life.
bizi

i woke up this morning and felt really good mentally. the aleve is definitely helping with the pain in my legs. and with my exercises. I downloaded a lot of books by cicero. I was a Latin major in college. I can't wait to read On Old Age. I read a bit of cicero years ago in high school and college in the original but won't drive myself crazy by forcing myself to relearn it.
I bought a couple of egg makers to see if that will help me lose weight
Linda really fillls a need I have always had.
love
bobby

Yay!!!!!!:yahoo:Savor your good day!
love,
bizi

I went to the bathroom and it did not hurt. Yay for senna!
bizi

that is so great. what kind of senna?
I became nervous all day. I thought that Robert was angry at me because of the pudge incident and his not answering my three emails. I catastrophize.
He just wrote and everything is fine. He gave himself a bad cut when cutting bread.
love
bobby

Bobby

You always think when Robert has a hard time getting back to you that
he is mad at you. So next time it takes him a while. Remember this time,
and let it go just a little longer. And hopefully it will be more like he just
didn't get the message right away. Not that he hurt himself.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

The link that you posted bobby. plain senna
bizi I still take the stool softener so 2 senna and 2 stool softeners.

you are so right and I will try harder!
fondly
bobby

let me rephrase that. I take 2 senna and 2 stool softeners TWICE a day.
so far none today even though I had an urge so I used a suppository and that did not do a thing. So it was a false urge.
sigh
I just want to go everyday like normal people do.
bizi who is asking a lot.

How are you bobby?
(((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

i think i am going to stop using tylenol p.m. I am always tired and napping. better to be more alert than drugged.
love
bobby

you are constantly sleep deprived,
sorry maybe you can take half a dose.
love,
bizi

I don't know what to do. I stopped taking that other antidepressant because I gained 10 pounds and I am so upset about it. II am so worried about the weight.t warmed about weight. I hit may high yesterday. My stomach is usually off and constipated a lot.with the additional weight my legs hurt more when I try to walk.
It is strange but I am also longing for biblical times and also roman times.
The isolation is really getting to me besides feeling physically rotten.
Love
bobby
i lucked out and found a pair of glasses. i couldn't read the security code on my credit card. none of the other glassses worked.

Bobby

You said you have cataracts correct? I'm just curious are they just not
doing the surgery for this till things start to calm down? Or you are
waiting, I didn't understand that. With your eyes bad I'm just wondering.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

because of the virus my doctor wants to wait.
fondly
bobby

glad that you found glasses to work for you.
good point donna made about the cataracs.
love

bizi

Chamomile (Matricaria chamomilla/Chamaemelum nobile)
This daisy-like flower is synonymous with calm, making chamomile among the most well-known stress-soothing teas. One 2016 study found that long-term use of chamomile extract significantly reduced moderate-to-severe symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).Oct 1, 2018

I drinbk tea that has chamomial sp????
tea sleepy time or tension relief.
I like it it is herbal
love bizi

i bought more supplements. i am going to have a lot of them. it might help your social anxiety
love
bobby