today after eight months i leave my apartment and go to the opthamalogist with Robert. I am so scared. I was in a black mood all day and night. aaron called unexpectedly and I said I couldn't talk. He said he would call on wednesday.
this morning I started wondering if I should read the New Testament. Jesus was Jewish and a wise prophet.
I don't know what to do about the stock market. Pudge slept with me all night but I hardly slept.
love
bobby
marci keeps on reminding me to take my shots.

Bobby

Kitties can live a long time. I think your will be fine. I hope you
find someone to spend some time with.

donna :hug::grouphug:

thanks so much, I talk on the phone. Aaron called the other night but I was in such a black mood that I said I couldn't talk.Robert is going to drop by on xmas day. He couldn't take me to the doctor's because his other appt ran to late. the doorman got me a cab and i took the walker. The visit was wonderful. I love that doctor. we have the same sense of humor. My vision problem is because of cataracts. Not til after everybody is vaccinated will he will remove them. I got into the cab okay but last night had a worse backache, I still have it and tried blue emu. also had a stomach ache. I am having such trouble walking.
a lot of people are alone.
fondly
bobby
the super helped me out. still need to give them xmas money.. given over half.

I could hardly walk from all the activity the day before.i can't manage to move the boxes out of the way. I don't know where robert is coming over and when Aaron is calling. I am so exhausted.
my bipolar is bad. too much pressure.
on the good side i don't have to pau for the new lamp because wrong color and the dripper that suctions to the wall helped getting out of the bathtub.
also jan 20 is getting nearer. the sm@ck.

Bobby

Take it easy today. Just do what you can

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I had humus for the last time in my life. I had a stomach ache from it most of the time. finally feeling better. had a nice long talk with marci and will see danny and robert tomorrow. now finally enjoying a book.
fondly
bobby bipolar getting better-reading always helps

I am out of control. I can't make myself do things I am supposed to do and just worry about them.I am thinking a lot about God and a=worry if he has mercy on the mentally ill. My best friend Suri has now been dead a year now.
she seems so far away but but I feel pain when I think of her instead joy being blessed to know her. another friend doesn't have patience with me.
now i just have to tell her everything is fine. I am so isolated. Robert came over with danny but becaause it was seven I had already undressed. He banged on the door which was unsettling. then he spent a 1 1/2 making Roku work. he was in heaven. he loves challenges. I was in hell and kept on offering to give it to him.
My eye sight is poor and I just ordered new glasses. i need a cataract operation and have to wait because of the virus.

aaron called last night and heard from dorot. they asked if we wanted to continue to talk. He said yes. We taaled about social psychology and crucifiction.among the romans besides other things. I didn't they usually used ropes on wood and thus left little archeology material.

I bought some dsmo to see if it will help the pain in my back and legs

happy new year bobby!
donna told me to tell you that her computer is broken.
I hate it when things break down.
I missed you

love,
bizi

my oldest girl friend got breast cancer of the third time. We were laughing a lot since we have known each other since babies. The laughter has worn off.
we were craching jokes left and right.She is so brilliant but didn't want to go to college. She has been writing a lot now,, Her plots are always great.
Please pray for Linda
love
'bobby

we have a perverse sense of humor

sending prayers for linda.
bizi

thank you so much. I really feel rotten now....no more laughing. I always think of her as my sister. she lives in mass. her aunt was my mother's best friend.
love
bobby

How are you doing bobby?

thanks for asking. I feel lousy physically. Yesterday I talked for over an hour with Linda.We laughed so much. She is so sharp and witty.
she was always smarter than me. what a memory.She reminded me why i didn't marry Steve.

we were never competive and always laughed so much with our perverse sense of humor.we laughed so much yesterday again. I pray so hard that she will beat this cancer for a third time. I told her three was a charm. she took away my loneliness and made me feel connected. she is one great story teller. My bipolar never came up...too busy laughing.
love
bobby
i just feel she will be okay. She was one of the very few bright spots in my childhood,
love
bobby




















w





she w

Thank you for sharing with us about Linda. nice to know that you have that good of a friend.
bizi

Glad you had a good new year Bobby. Its my internet at home that is
down. Till I can get a new version or company. Still waiting to find out
which. At&t says the dsl is too old, and it needs to be universe. But they
don''t know if it comes in my area. Hmmm, odd that all my area seems
to have. But I might not be able too.

Oh well I'm at Derrick's at least part of the week to do my job and
stuff.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

dear bobby, just wanted to offer a hug if you like:
((((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

thanks so much. I need them. I have been in a blue mood.
love
bobby

maybe you can call lynda more often?
bizi

yes i am. right now I am trying to read a book she wrote.
love
bobby

That is the spirit!
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

my neighbor rick helped me with my back and legs-definitely better. It has been so depressing.
pudge is friendly gain. big relief.
love
bobby

how did rick help you????
bizi

he told me to one of a time pushj one leg bent against my chest as hard as I could and keep for a while. then do the other.
I have been so tired. Just spoke with Linda for a while. didn't tell her that all night i was wanting to die. she doesn't know I am reacing out for help.
Love
bobby

Oh bobby, I am so sorry that you are suffering.Maybe you could write a letter to her. she entertains you and you laugh but underneath you are crying.
I am sorry that you thought about dieing. very sorry to hear this,
can't remember ever hearing that from you. Is this a new?
How can I help?
you have my support 100%


glad that rick helped you.
(love you)bizi

I've been reading to keep up but that is about all.
Bobby just work to keep your spirits up.

Donna

Verse of the Day
Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good,
and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.
Proverbs 16:20

Lately things seem really rough. I think Rick helped me but last night and early this morning my neck also joined in. It seems to settle down down.
I am reading one of Linda's books which I like a lot. It is a novella. I want to try to finish it before I call her. Yesterday I told her to tell me if my calls are annoying her. she said she loves me and call as often as I want.
I would never kill myself but I have been thinking about death a lot. more than usual. my physical problems definitely aren't helping.
love
bobby


"Our study showed that licorice intake of 3.5 grams a day [roughly 1.4 ounces] reduced body fat by up to 4%, without any change in blood pressure," says co-author Carlo De Palo, MD, a clinical researcher at the University of Padua. "One explanation is that the strong taste of licorice suppresses the appetite," he adds.Jul 14, 2000

what happens when you eat the whole bag of licorice?

My mother in law used to say that too.

Her favorite candy was good n plenty.

She loved black licorice. RIP 3-5 2020

lol
bizi

i don't know.
I finished Linda's book about arson. I enjoyed it. my eating is out of control. i am constipated and my stomach hurts. rick really helped me. still bad but not as bad. i am greatful.-hope
will call linda this morning and tell her i started the new book.
love
bobby
my stocks are going to go down again. pressure
i am literally terrified of what the almost other half of the nation is going to do and the virus. i might call my doctor and ask if he is giving it since i am 76

that is a good idea bobby.
bizi

this morning I finally had alka seltzer and that really helped. I am going to start having that every day because I can't take the discomfort. I talked at length with Linda last night and told her how brutal my mother was to me. Years ago I told her about my father's drinking. She said she remembered that he was always going to bed early.;We talked about our birds and dogs. she is way allergic to cats.
I won't call her today. I hope she calls thought. I told her how I had gotten rid of long term toxic friends.
,my bipolar is bad. I am filled with anxiety and depression and terror.
love
bobby

I am glad that you had a talk with lynda.
She sounds like a really good friend.
bizi

she is like a good sister besides being witty and brilliant. we can go for years without talking with her.

i haven't gotten the second stimulus check yet.another source of depression.
my therapist is too much of an optimist or denier. he didn't believe there would be an attempted coup. then i was bad. I baited him and repeated how high I scored on my IQ test in college.
he isn't making me feel better but maybe I can't.

bobby, will our checks be sent or done electronically again like last time?
bizi

i am not sure

Some are being done electronically and some are being sent debit cards.

Its according to how you got tax return checks and things like that.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

We paid our taxes electronically....the first $1200 checks got deposited directly into our checking account.
I have already started thinking about taxes.
I was not working for 9 weeks and then at a lessened load because of covid.


How is lindas book?
bizi