i cancelled the appt with doctor and gave no explanation. she wrote back if i wanted reschedule. i wrote back no. she asked if had another doctor and i said yes and she wrote best wishes and signed it with her first name. i wrote back and thanks and take care.
i just got off the phone with somebody who was a miracle worker. i get terrified over leases and she really went out of her way big time to help. she asked if i wanted the super to come and get it. i said no and will bring it downstairs tomorrow-wow-what kindness.
robert picked out the phone for me and i am just waiting for him to tell me to buy it
i can't deal at all with stress and those three things are huge stress.
love you
bobby who is flying

Glad you had that woman offer help to you. and of coarse roberts assistance in the phone It sounds like a good day even though it was stressful.
((((HUGS))))
love bizi

definitely. i did buy the phone but was impulsive and won't tell robert. they all offered a special plan for a year's time for 50 dollars and at first didn't check it out. the seller told me to call tracfone to try to get it. they said they would sell it to me. i had the idea of trying at first to cancel the other and then reorder with additional plan. the seller got of course confused. he is sending the phone and i call back tracfone and will get the special deal.

fell again . my arm hurts a bit and a toe. rats

stomach doesn't hurt so ibs hasn't returned just my arm and my right leg again. I was getting out of bed and went to hold on the walker by the bed and maybe lost balance and fell.
when i woke this morning aby was on one of my pillows and we cuddled. can't wait to talk with therapist and finally don't feel that awful anger. Glad i didn't send my former doctor a nasty email.
love,
bobby

i am shaking so much. I brought the lease downstairs and the super is going to give it to the manager who is in the building today. I included a typed note to thank the woman who helped yesterday dealing with lease. I wrote she was one of the sweetest people ever met and her name was appropriate, Mercy.
I just called my brokerage and asked for a seven thousand dollars check to be sent to me and I will put it in my checking account.. I was so anxious I even forgot my account number. This month will be the highest ever with the phone, the plan, insurance and then the Chinese chestI think about death so much because of my age and health I don't think I will run out of money but I always think the worse.
I got an email for relisting of my new cellphone which was 50 dollars less but it was locked to total wireless. I have no idea how much it would cost to unlock it.
Right now I am not stable at all. I just can't deal with stress all my life.

it was very nice talking with charlotte. i gave her permission to talk to Amelia. i had a good session with Amelia.
i looked at some sites about breathing.

I am glad that you had a good conversation with amelia.
sorry the phone got locked????
so sorry you fell again.:(
Do you have a chair that you could sit on instead of the bed?
You could use the chair as home base....I am worried about your time in bed and how it effects your back muscles. Sitting in the chair will help prevent more muscle break down.
just a suggestion.:o
love you,
bizi

i use a chair when i am on the computer. up until my late fifties i was very active in sports and walking my doggies.
i don't have to worry about the phone since it's carrier is tracfone.
since that nightmare with risperidone my constipation is worse and very uncomfortable. I might ask my internist for another medicine for constipation.
i seem to be very depressed since last night. it is so hard to tolerate. the falls also frighten me a lot.
right now i feel hopeless and old.
i forgot to add the rent deposit yesterday. will bring it downstairs later this morning. rats.
i love my bed and my kitty cats usually join me.
love you,
bobby
oh i am no longer angry or swearing and maybe that is why my depression is awful.

i lucked out. my lease isn't going to be picked up til monday so i put the rental deposit in the envelop.
think i am going pig out today and order from amazon's fresh. aby won't let me read. she is being so affectionate.

I am glad that your lease issue is coming along.

You always get so stressed during this time of the year.

Hoping that it is completed and goes thru fine.

There may be a small increase because of inflation.
love, bizi

Bobbi

I'm so glad its working too. He has had a rough time finding the right
medications too.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

i have been on scrie for a long time so my rent is frozen.
love you,
bobby
have your food prices and restaurants costs have gone up a lot. here yes.

i guess i hurt myself more with my fall. my back hurts too. my arem still really hurts.
i just took some milk of magnesia. never tried that before. phillipds caplets worked for years.

I am sorry about your back hurting. Are you taking some tylenol?
I am so glad that your rent is frozen one less thing to worry about.
my knee is still bothering me after about 3 months ago.I don't get into PT till the end of aug. I could have gotten in sooner but 8 am is just too early.
I hope the phillips milk of mag helps let me know.
so far the lactulose has not helped.I have taken double doses for 2 nights in a row.today is the third day so should hope that I see some results soon.
love you
bizi

sorry about your knee. 8 is too early. i think the milk of magnesia helped a little but i have trapped gas. with the stomach ache i am afraid to take anything. I have to my p.t. exercises today. I have been successful in only swearing once so far.
love you,
bobby

Swearing is ok!Don't worry about that. It is your apartment and you get to say what ever you want to say.
love bizi

i really was going to town and I would some people including my therapists and volunteers on support lines and the let it rip.
love you,
bobby
just almost ordered a licorice supplement for my stomach but read not to use it if you high blood pressure.

Is there anything medicine wise to take for your IBS?
I just went finally had a moderate amount of bm.

i am not sure if i still have it. i have been getting stomach aches again with my risperidone catastrophe. doctors are can't fix it.
i just ordered more peppermint capsules and will take them more.
did my p.t. exercises with a stomach ache but skipped walking in the halls. after i had milk of magnesia afraid to take anything else today.
love you.
bobby

I took MOM while hospitalized don't remember if it worked. keep me posted.
love
bizi

Hoping it works for you.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

hasn't worked yet/ i have so many aches and pains

The double dose lactulose seems to be working I had a small -medium bm just now, I wish there was a magic pill. biscodle or something spelled a bit differently. worked but that is explosive diarrhea, like the mag citrate.
I would be afraid to go anywhere if I took the mag citrate again.
I know that you bobby sing its praises.



I am sorry you are sore, have so many aches and pains.
Getting older is not for sissies!
What rub do you use when you are hurting?
There is a lot on the market. what do you use?


((((HUGS)))):hug:
love,
bizi

what do you use for your knee pain.
last night was horrible. i kept on wishing i were dead. i am terrified of God and would never commit suicide. my internist i guess won't give me a prescription drug for the constipation. i will try miralax again but give it more time. i also bought some phillip caplets that stopped working after years. i just found that you can use magnesium citrate powder and add water for a laxative.t hey have recalled magnesium liquid. i still have a lot. there are no cheap places to buy it.
i haven't been doing my p.t. exercises because of pain and painful stomach aches. i am so irritable but i have been successful in only swearing in four or five days.
i am so frustrated about my new celllphone. i wrote robert twice for help. i have difficulty seeing and hearing some instructions. double rats.
so many times i wish i were dead but what a joke this is the happiest time in my life. can you imagine what my life was like with all the suffering? I blame my toxic family more than i blame being bipolar and drug resistant, i keep on thinking of my sister rotting in her coffin. she had said when she reached a 100 there would be a huge celebration and then when i reached a hundred it would no big deal. when she was an adult she expressed resentment that she was left whereas i had go pick up father when he was drunk. what a self absorbed dumbbell.
I am not rereading this. so much suffering.
love you,
bobby

i feel like such a half wit but i think my anger has gone away

Bobby

If its helping your anger keep writing about it. I now that when
I'm upset about something I write it out and it helps me.

Donna

I am sorry that you are suffering.:hug:
And your MD won't order you something for constipation. the lactulose I take a double dose and it works about 16 hours later. so it does not produce a BM for many hours,soft stools,
no straining, no diarrhea. small -medium amounts.
It is very slippery sweet thick like syrup. I don't mind it but using a double dose I will run out in 12 more days. I need to have my MDOC call me in the higher dose.
I was using blue emu gel,I also have asper cream which is good.I stopped using them because I only hurt when I get down on the floor. and out of bed in the mornings.
I am glad that your anger has gone away.
You are not a half wit.I think you are still intelligent,
loyal, a fighter, a good friend.
love,
bizi

i just haven't felt well in so long. I think i am back to swearing. The rabbi intern said there is nothing about it in jewish books except not to use God.
I started eating junk. nothing appeals to except chinese food and the thought of most food makes me nauseated. I did try that laxative and it didn't work.
I am still interested in reading more Plato about Socrates. I began reading plays by Aristophanes. Right now I have started seven books that I am reading. television shows are so stupid. I still watch the news. I guess my mind isn't shot. Most things bore me. I am stimulated by two young very bright, sharp and kind volunteers. I hold my own.
marci came an hour late and didn't call. ticked me off. of course continue to follow the economy and stock market.

i really got frustrated. I got my new smartphone and called tracfone to help me. I felt so stupid. I spoke with three different people who told me different things so they were a-holes. I think part of the problem is my old phone is still working and they didn't turn it off. what a-holes. I also had trouble hearing the voice on the phone and seeing some of the writing on the phone. it was stupidly faint. i know I have to have cataract surgery but hoping the virus won't be as prevalent. Thank God Robert is a genius and will come over on friday or saturday and make it work..
also scared about my next credit card bill. it will be the biggest.

just took 4 mg klonopin and feel better

dear bobby be careful with the extra klonipin.
have you ever taken that much before.
glad that you feel better.
gotta run and start my work day.
love,
bizi

don't think you can kill yourself on it. yes i have done it before.
love,
bobby still jumping out of my skin

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Peppermint oil is also a powerful appetite suppressant, reducing cravings for sweets and other foods and so aiding in weight loss. According to a scientific ..

i continue to be severely depressed and continue to gain weight and i think my ibs is back. i have stomach aches all the time and gas. and nausea and bloating. Life sh@ts.

What is supposed to be the diet to follow the IBS recommended?
love bizi

Bobby

I hope you can get the cataract surgery scheduled sometime soon.

It was something that has really helped me. I'm really glad mine
could finally get done. Hoping yours can be soon

ibs- low food map.
i guess i got confused. that frightens me.
yes my father was an alcoholic and i became his caretaker when i was four or five and of course it continued. i am so relieved you know i love you dearly and so want the best for you.
i am going to start taking lactulous again. i called my former gastrologist and he said to take it three times a day.
i had sugar free candy and it making my stomach worse. no more.
my back doesn't hurt any more but in the past i have tried blu emu and a patch and something stating with a v.
love you,
bobby

I take a double dose in the evening which produces about a medium BM.I take a jigger full it is about 45MLjust at night.
You have to be patient It doesn't work right away. it is very sweet and thick like syrup. Don't take any other laxatives or mag citrate just give the lactulose time to work. keep us posted!
love,
bizi

will do.
love you,
bobby