((((BJ))))) We sure do miss you! But I know you need lots and lots of rest and recuperation and I hope you are babying yourself a lot. I'm sure you keep precious little Hooper close at your side most of the time. I know it doesn't always help. But I do find some comfort with Bruna being cozy by my side.

We're keeping the faith for you here while you take care of yourself. I love you forever and always BJ.

I had the MRI on Monday but still don't have the results and they were going to rush them, sure. I was taking 600 Neurontin 3x a day but now I'm taking 800 and it's still not taking the edge off. All it does is make me so tired. I've never had this burning shooting pain down my legs and lower back like this. I'm used to all the emotional pain during the holidays, I knew it was coming and I wanted to just get through it. It's been so so hard this year with all that's happened. I don't know where I'll end up. I've been in so much pain I haven't been able to use the CPM machine much at all and I have scar tissue build up in my knee. All I can do is bend it while lying down but the pain in my back is so bad I have to stop. I'm fighting the beast and he has such a stronghold on me right now. I keep saying get through New Year's and yes hold Hooper close to my heart. She needs me, she loves me. But I'm scared, big time.

I don't know why I can't get it in my head that people do care. I think it all goes back to what happened to my brother. They call siblings the forgotten survivors.

Dear BJ,



Dear BJ,
I'm sending hugs and lots of love.
I hope that the docs find more ways to help you.

Mari

Just a quick hug your way, did not know of all of your suffering following the accident...your back was injured as well as your knee? I saw the knee surgery pictures....
(((((HUGS)))))
beth

BJ We all care about you. You are experiencing feelings of false rejection,with the depression,and pain. That's allot of pain.

Thank you for posting again. It's nice to have you back. I have missed you,and I'm sorry that you are in so much pain.

We can talk about it in PM's,or on the forums here,or on the SOS forum. It's OK where,and how you want to talk about it. I'm so glad that you are back. Friend

I agree with everyone else BJ. You are very much loved here on NT, and I for one was happy to see that you had checked in.

Please know that you're close to our hearts, and you have many people here who care about you.... and .... if you ever need a friend, then please remember that I'm only a PM away!

I'll be thinking about you tonight. I hope that your new year will be better. Friend

My dearest BJ...Please try to keep us informed as often as you can. I am so very sorry you have to go through this. It is going to take a lot of time. We are in this for the long haul. What are you doing to help relieve the pain? Has anyone given you some practical ideas to help you to deal with it? What kind of bed do you sleep on? Do you use pillows? All of these things may seem simple but they can help ease it some, and everybit counts. Please check in again, and help me to get a better picture. Don't let the beast scare you. Fear is what he feeds on. ((((big hugs)))) I hope you can feel them....

I got the results of my test yesterday and I have a compression fracture in my back. I was sent over for a lumbar epidural. I only had one of those before and once the numbing stuff wore it hurt like heck. My doc is taking the conservative approach right now with pain meds, muscle relaxers, rest, a back brace and physical therapy. If there's no improvement surgery might be in store. Between the pain meds and muscle relaxers I'm totally out of it. I just wish the burning shooting pain down my legs would stop.

The beast is scaring me Mistiis but I'm trying so hard not to let him take me down any further. I never even made it out to my family's graves. It tore me apart not being able to visit them at least once. I never even got to put the banner on Mark's grave. I keep saying this over and over, I want just one more moment with them.

Thank you everyone who left me messages on my profile and PMs. It means a lot to me. And Friend I purposely turned off the TV before midnight so I didn't see the new year come. But I thought of you and how you were alone too. You weren't far from my heart