[Brokenfriend]

My Nurse Practitioner told me yesterday that I may have OCD, Bipolar2, and psychosis. Well it's a relief to here some diagnostic evidence as to why I feel so bad emotionally believe it,or not. I also have that phobia,or panic disorder that I've had since I was a teenager. I have tons of rejection.

Well I guess that's why I'm having the loneliest year of my life. I feel like I'm in the fortress of solitude. I want to see people,and then I don't,because I don't want to get hurt.

I haven't been with my sister,or Dad,since before Thanksgiving. I think that my sister is still angry at me. I think that she is misdirecting her anger at me because of her MS. She's got allot on her plate,but so do I. Why don't these hardships bring us closer together. She turned little disagreements into big mountainous differences. I forgive her,but she has her back turned on me. This is the third time in my life that she has done this,and they where over little things. Why can't she just let these angers go?

They just don't understand these complicated mental health issues that I have. I don't understand them either,and she'd freak me out allot by some of the things that she said. Then she'd use terminology like,"I'd spaz out over things." It was also the way she said it. Oh well. That should have taught her that I have a hard time handling certain matters obviously. Oh well. I don't understand it either. She doesn't understand. Then she wanted me to move,and I have no place to move,or go.

I'm on 300,or 450 Mgs of seroquel a night. I'm going to fluctuate the amount of seroquel a night,to see if that's what's making my ear to ring. My NP said write down the dose that I take. She's increased my Xanax a little. I'm on the same dose of Luvox as before.

Is it hard to read what I'm writing? Is it too much? I haven't been getting to much feed back,after writing some of my posts in the last several months. BF

I could go on,and on,and on. I'll stop here. BF

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Brokenfriend

My Nurse Practitioner told me yesterday that I may have OCD, Bipolar2, and psychosis.

Dear Friend,
That does sound like a relief.

It is good that the Nurse Practitioner has noticed things and added to your diagnosis. I think that this will help with your treatment. I sense that for many years you have been under diagnosed (made up a new word) and under treated. So this is very good news.

Also, keep in mind that you have not changed. Only the diagnosis has changed.

Most importantly, in my very unexpert opinion, I think that the things she named are really all part of ONE thing: bipolar.
And not that I am being picky or anything, but I thought that pyschosis was part of Bipolar 1.
If it helps her to take apart your version of bipolar like that and make it into three things, that is fine -- what counts is that she gives you good medications and takes your concerns seriously. She might be getting on the right track to do this for you.
I'm glad.

Family can be so impossible. I'm amazed sometimes that we still have family at this time in human history. I've seen so many bad families. I'm not sure why we even still have people in this world. Do most families actually nurture their off spring well enough for them to make it to adult hood and do most adults still keep in close contact with their families?
I'm feeling anti-family tonight. Sorry.

I really wish that your sister were capable of treating you with respect and love. I'm sorry that she does not do that.
Keep taking care of yourself.

Regarding the ringing in the ear:
My sis said that her husband had that and that the mdoc said it was probably allergies. My bil took some antihistamines prescribed by the doc and was fine.
Having a "white" noise maker like a fan can help some people not notice the ringing when they are trying to sleep and such.

Some people take B vitamins, esp b12.

I'm guessing that what you describe is caused by Seroquel, but perhaps it is caused by something else.
Is there any chance that you can get into see an mdoc or an ear-nose-and throat doc in case in is something else?

M.

[BlueMajo]

Hello my dear friend !!!!!

I understand you perfectly.... My family simply dont understand Im sick. That's it. They can call me "crazy", "you are in a bad mood", "rude" but they dont like me to say "HEY ! Im sick ! need patience and help !!!".... That of course makes me sad and mad....

Sometimes, like you mentioned, I dont even understand it myself.... A couple of days ago, my mood was just "funny", I wanted to cry, cry, cry and at the same time I was feeling mad... I just wanted to be alone in my room... Of course, my parents looked at me like a space creature.... but the worst part was that me, myself was tired of me !!!! I wanted to be "normal"... I started to pray you know, like God, take this feeling away... I want to stop crying !!! I want to stop feeling mad without a reason !
After like 1 hr I went out for dinner... like nothing had happened... How weird is that ???

Why was I writing all this stuff ?? Oh yes, because "bipolar disorder" is just... weird, and family doesnt understand... but we should understand that they dont understand as we dont even understand... ! ha !

Take care of you sweetie. Take your medicines....

Come here, talk to us... vent... read....

We love you !!!!!!!!!!

[Brokenfriend]

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Friend,
That does sound like a relief.

It is good that the Nurse Practitioner has noticed things and added to your diagnosis. I think that this will help with your treatment. I sense that for many years you have been under diagnosed (made up a new word) and under treated. So this is very good news.

Also, keep in mind that you have not changed. Only the diagnosis has changed.

Most importantly, in my very unexpert opinion, I think that the things she named are really all part of ONE thing: bipolar.
And not that I am being picky or anything, but I thought that pyschosis was part of Bipolar 1.
If it helps her to take apart your version of bipolar like that and make it into three things, that is fine -- what counts is that she gives you good medications and takes your concerns seriously. She might be getting on the right track to do this for you.
I'm glad.

Family can be so impossible. I'm amazed sometimes that we still have family at this time in human history. I've seen so many bad families. I'm not sure why we even still have people in this world. Do most families actually nurture their off spring well enough for them to make it to adult hood and do most adults still keep in close contact with their families?
I'm feeling anti-family tonight. Sorry.

I really wish that your sister were capable of treating you with respect and love. I'm sorry that she does not do that.
Keep taking care of yourself.

Regarding the ringing in the ear:
My sis said that her husband had that and that the mdoc said it was probably allergies. My bil took some antihistamines prescribed by the doc and was fine.
Having a "white" noise maker like a fan can help some people not notice the ringing when they are trying to sleep and such.

Some people take B vitamins, esp b12.

I'm guessing that what you describe is caused by Seroquel, but perhaps it is caused by something else.
Is there any chance that you can get into see an mdoc or an ear-nose-and throat doc in case in is something else?

M.

Mari Thank you. The nurture was not there when I was growing up,and they sent me to Military school. When I was at Military school,I had a real bad panic attack in what is called the mess hall,which is where we eat. That was the second panic attack in my life,and I never got over them after that. So my parents sent me to another prep school. They would not listen. I tried to explain to them what was happening,and they saw me have my first panic attack,when I was about 14.

I was put on valium,but it didn't help to well at the prep school. The kids where mean,and they didn't like the fact that I transfered there from a military school. So they put me down,and some of them started fights with me. I surely didn't need that. I had enough torment in my mind to deal with.

Now my sister is angry with me. That's the last thing in the world that I need. I've been having problems in my jobs with people giving me a hard time,for no reason at all. They could tell that they could upset me. I started loosing sleep,and my mind had these distorted,tormenting thoughts going up,and down in my head,and I couldn't sleep well.

I think that my Nurse Practitioner is headed towards the right diagnosis. Thank you Mari for all of your input,and support. BF

[Brokenfriend]

Originally Posted by BlueMajo

Hello my dear friend !!!!!

I understand you perfectly.... My family simply dont understand Im sick. That's it. They can call me "crazy", "you are in a bad mood", "rude" but they dont like me to say "HEY ! Im sick ! need patience and help !!!".... That of course makes me sad and mad....

Sometimes, like you mentioned, I dont even understand it myself.... A couple of days ago, my mood was just "funny", I wanted to cry, cry, cry and at the same time I was feeling mad... I just wanted to be alone in my room... Of course, my parents looked at me like a space creature.... but the worst part was that me, myself was tired of me !!!! I wanted to be "normal"... I started to pray you know, like God, take this feeling away... I want to stop crying !!! I want to stop feeling mad without a reason !
After like 1 hr I went out for dinner... like nothing had happened... How weird is that ???

Why was I writing all this stuff ?? Oh yes, because "bipolar disorder" is just... weird, and family doesnt understand... but we should understand that they dont understand as we dont even understand... ! ha !

Take care of you sweetie. Take your medicines....

Come here, talk to us... vent... read....

We love you !!!!!!!!!!

Hi BlueMajo I understand exactly what you are saying. I get angry also,especially when people put me down for no reason. Who needs that,healthy,or disturbed? Then I go through a process of forgiving them.

I have alot of pent up emotions in myself. Unfortunately,I don't have to many people to talk to about it. I have my Nurse Practitioner,who I see every month,or month in a half. I have a counsellor who I see one time a month.
BF

[waves]

I can't type long on the computer right now because of back problems from typing on the computer when it is off its hinges... contortionism for me...

so just quickly want to say, because i read this thread and you sound so forlorn, that i'm listening, and at least want to leave you a even if i can't write one of my huge long philosophical posts.

and yes i also know how it is when people

* just * don't * get it. *

hang in there. i hope you feel better soon. panic attacks suck.

~ waves ~

[Brokenfriend]

Thank you Waves for your kind words,and understanding. BF