[befuddled2]

I cannot find out online how my in-laws would get me disqualified as beneficiary of my ex's thrift plan. If the DuPont guy was telling the truth today when he said my ex changed beneficiaries after our divorce my in-laws went through a lot to get it. It would be much easier for one of them to have gotten the money as a beneficiary instead of all of them signing affidavits that they are relatives. If my ex had made one of his family members beneficiary that one person could have divided the money. Instead, all the nephews and nieces had to sign affidavits which I read is cumbersome. The executor also had to prove the passing of the dead relatives. They went through a lot of trouble if in fact one of them was the beneficiary. Who else would my ex make the beneficiary if he took me off? If he made a will like they said he did leaving them his estate why would he not make one of them the beneficiary of his thrift plan?

befuddled2

[Mari]

Hi Barbara,
I don't know how this works either.

Is it possible that he made the beneficiary someone who passed just before him? Or maybe someone who passed right after him.
That would create a lot of paper work by the relatives.

It's not really possible that he made no one a beneficiary. That is not logical because it is easy to make someone a benficiary -- much easier than doing a will.

Here's the thing. You already consulted the lawyer.
You might not ever be able to figure this out.
Some families have a lot of ugliness that they carry around from the past. It is best to stay clear of trying to get into their head too much.

Focus on evolving. Focus on being the new you.
Those people are not in your emotional life anymore.

M.

[Dmom3005]

Barb

I agree with Mari.

I really wish it were different but its not.

Life just stinks sometimes.

Its time you found some roses or other flowers you love to smell.

Donna

[befuddled2]

Thank you Mari and Donna.

Mari, I really didn't think about how he could have changed the beneficiary to someone who had passed. I could find out though very easy if someone in his family had passed.

barbara

[waves]

i appreciate your tenacity in what you are going through, Barbara. i honestly don't know if i would have the follow through and steadfastness you are showing.

things oughtta be fair and square however.

so, even though i do agree with the others about moving on - theoretically ... emotionally ... and certainly if you cannot resolve this thing, if there is unfair play here and you've been "gipped" and you are in need the of the money, well. i can understand your wanting to leave no corners unsearched, before doing the moving on thing.

good luck and

~ waves ~
p.s. what happened with the marital home? is that yours now or he change something with that too?

[befuddled2]

Hi Waves.

I do need the money or else live forever in the place I do now which is not the best place. I don't really get enough money a month to pay my bills without something to take from.

I have not checked out who in my ex's life may have passed. I will when I'm in the mood or bored. I like to solve life's puzzels such as this though so it doesn't drain me that much but gives me energy. I am the same way when learning HTML by myself. It will bug me if I can not firgure out why my HTML code is not working and it drives me to find the problem.

My in-laws will not let me buy out their share of the house no matter what. Until my in-laws and I come to an agreement I can not legally move into the house since the law sees them as owning half at the moment. I have a good chance of getting half the value of it but at the same time the judge could very well give all of the house to them. It can go either way.

Barbara

[waves]

i'm sorry. this all sucks.

i like your approach tho... taking it as a puzzle to work on when you're bored, kind of like debugging code. it's funny, i get to a point where i get reaaaalll frustrated when code doesn't work and have to walk away for a while tho... any code. but i love jigsaw puzzles can do those until my eyes cross.

keep working on the html btw, i dunno what happened to the web course, but you can learn html on your own anyway. there are some good tutorials out there also, but the way i learned it was by ripping snippets of source from other ppls pages and modifying them to see what happened. there are also a lot of good online references.

where i'm driving is this will, in time, be a good job avenue for you as you seem to have a passion for it - as a web designer - which i bet you will enjoy. other skills usually requested are stuff like photoshop - which you know, some ask for illustrator, many nowadays want flash and/or dreamweaver but i think flash is pretty easy to learn (not sure haven't looked into it). but some companies just need the basics, and for a junior position html and photoshop might just do. so keep having fun with that stuff, and keep your eyes open for entry level jobs in the field... it will literally pay off!

anyway. again good luck. i sure hope "something comes through" for ya. phooey to your inlaws, who i bet all have decent places to live anyway. sheesh.



~ waves ~

[Mari]

Dear Barbara,

My BIL has lots of siblings and half siblings -- huge family.
One sister died with a house in her name and no will.
Another elderly sister was living in the house at time but had no documents to show that she had legal rights to the house.

The house was falling a part and worth almost nothing.
The siblings were asked by the sister still in the house to sign documents giving over their rights to the house.

There were about 12 siblings. If each wanted a share, they would have had 2 thousand dollars at the most, and the one sister would have been with out a place to live.

The process got messy because it involved an HEIR of one of the siblings who tried to insist on his share of the house.

There were a lot of tempers flaring and a lot of discussions.
Eventually, it go worked out. Each sibling and each heir of the sibling signed over his/ her share of the house to the sister who was still living in the house.

I can't imagine what it is like to be a lawyer invovled with a complicated family.

This is not the same as what you are talking about -- but your case reminded me of this one.

M.

[befuddled2]

Waves,

Thank you for the vote of confidence that I'd made a good web designer. It was a dream of mine for some time. With the Dept. of Rehab. telling me I can't when I'm already conditioned to hearing I can not do this or that I now have my doubts. I need to do what my domestic violence counselor has told me to do and that is to use afirmations to change my negative thoughts on myself. I think I need to tell myself I can be a web designer every day. I've pretty much shut up the lady last year at the Dept. of Rehab. who did the job assessement testing and evaluation on me. Her and my voc. rehab. counselor lied their butts off about the field to make it look like I can not do it. She had made some statements and I copied and pasted from what she herself had linked me to that proved her wrong. The fact of the matter is that they did not want to invest that kind of money to train me in the field of web design.

I hate jigsaw puzzels or the cross word puzzels. I'm not good at all with those two but do really well with Scrabble.

Barbara

[befuddled2]

Mari,

My in-laws know just like I do that it's not good for the house to be vacant but they must not care. I have thought about recently seeing if they would agree to have it rented until it is sold if it gets to that point.

All my in-laws have nice big homes in nice neighborhoods. They have always wanted my ex's husband's money even when he was alive. When I was still married to him I had to cut my own hair because I couldn't afford a haircut. But yet my in-laws always got their pedicures, manicures, housekeepers, and hair done every week. What my in-laws had wasn't enough cause they were always after my husband's money for other luxeries that they were not use to having all the time.

barbara