I am low to the point that my grades are going down. I feel worthless and dumb. I am feeling sorry for myself. I hate my boss I told her I am sorry that I was born retarded. All my life i was called slow in everything I do. Everything. I am not doing it on purpose. What does she care? She hired a tard.

I hate me. I truly want to be someone else

Yellowfever

You need to take a look around. Find something that you can change today.
If you have pets, it might even be just making sure they have fresh water
and food.

Then go for a walk, and see if you can find some one to let you pick a
red flower. Remember each day is a blessing.

I think your a special person. And I know for a fact that your not what you
say.

Donna

I understand when you are in a down mood how hard it can be....but beating up yourslef is not nice so please be nicer to yourself.....we think you are wonderful...you sound depressed...have you talked to your tdoc or pdoc, maybe your meds need a tweek? I cna't remeber if you are on meds or not.
I am glad that you came here to post to us thank you for that.
we will listen
our resident nite owl mari is in the middle of a move so she is unavailable right now.
sorry it is so hard right now. Is there someone on campus that you can talk to about your classes?
beth

Hey Yellow !!

Funny, you are yellow, Im blue...

No, seriously now, Im not the best cheering people up, but, hey, hey... This will pass too... I mean, I hate myself too most of the times, but, those crisis have an end too, so, just try to breathe, go out, feel the air, feel the light, walk.... enjoy the plants, the flowers.... your pets...

Eat something you like a lot...

I mean, just, live ! Sometimes is good to hum, how to say... to ignore everybody around us so we can find ourselves....

In the meantime, hugs for you

Listen up!
YOU ARE a delightful, charming, witty, giving, tenacious and successful person.

That is how i remember you when we posted together before. And you can't fake that!!! So, I know you are still that person, only you cannot see it right now.

You do sound depressed.

When we are depressed, it can make a beautiful landscape look nightmarish to us. And especially when it comes to ourselves.

Remember that depression is not who we are, but about how we feel and think at a certain time... and it is a state, not a permanent way of being. so you will get better.

But I would like for you to get in touch with your pdoc because like Bizi says, sometimes our meds need tweaking... even if we they have worked fine for a while. If you no longer are on meds, you may need them for a while again. It happens. Please get in touch with your pdoc, ok.

Do try to find some small contact with nature every day. Every flower, every tiny leaf, the fluffy clouds in the sky... all tiny miracles... and these are your companions too. I think you have lots of pets (do i remember right?) and that's great... please take comfort in them. You make the world of difference to them, you know?

It is good to hear from you, even though i wish you were feeling better. I hope that you will be soon. Please keep talking to us and let out your feelings. We all know what it is like.

oh... i think you might get some kicks out of this thread... even just a little smile or two... maybe... check it out:

The Cute/Funny Kitty Thread



~ waves ~

Hi,
Being sad happens sometimes.
The point is to make sure it goes away and that you get some help.
See the pdoc. Put in the call to the tdoc.
Get the team working for you.

Also:
Those thoughts of feeling dumb are from your brain -- not really you. The thoughts are just part of bipolar and can be fixed.

And try doing something different.
Take a walk. Get more sleep (or get less sleep) . . .

Mari

Dear Yellowfever,

I’m sorry that you feel so sad today.

If I knew the magic words to say that would end depression, I’d have a fat bank account and millions would hang on my every word. Last time I checked my bank account was fat as a supermodel and even my kid doesn’t listen to a word I say. All I can do for you is extend empathy and offer you suggestions from my own experience.

Now my own experience is rather thin. I never suffered depression until after a car accident that left me with spinal cord damage and the mother of all brain boo boos. What I can tell you is that of all the injuries I’ve had to contend with (and the Ford Pinto had less wrong with it), the depression is by far the toughest. (If you all don’t mind I’ll probably spend more time on this forum than the TBI one.) Who I was physically and intellectually died in that car – but I didn’t. Now faced with rebuilding myself in the face of huge deficits, I think I know something of despair.

I’ve come up with a few things I do when I have one of those days when I just feel smothered by grief and purposelessness. They help me, maybe they’ll help you.

The first thing I do is try to figure out what’s really making me sad that day. Am I really angry with my husband or is he just a convenient target for the frustration and sadness I felt when I couldn’t remember how to work the washing machine?

In your case, is your job actually making you sad? If so, why? Are you overworked or confused by a certain task? If so, try a positive, proactive approach. Go to your boss and say, “I really like working here and I really enjoy working for you (Yeah, I know you may have to fib a bit here) so I want to do a good job. Could you please run through this task with me again so I can be sure I’m getting it just the way you want it.” You’ll be surprised how many supervisors feel flattered to be asked for input from conscientious employees.

Also remember that when you run yourself down, you’re attacking her judgment. She hired you because she deemed you qualified and capable – and you are.

If you’re having trouble at school, don’t be afraid to ask for extra time to complete assignments, etc… When I went to university it was sort of Paper Chase meets Lord of the Flies. Things have changed. Today, schools try to facilitate student success.

In short, what I’m saying is take a look at your life and try to identify the negative things that you can change. I know that won’t cure your depression, but it might help make your stress level more manageable.

Before I was hurt I had an important job and was an athlete. With those things gone forever, I suddenly found it hard to find meaning in my life. To keep from offing myself, I decided that everyday I would try to do something nice for someone else. Some days it’s only putting a coin in the SPCA collection tin. On days when I feel physically stronger I make a simple casserole for one of the elderly neighbours I know lives on a fixed income. I take it over and sit while he/she talks. I’m the perfect listener because they can tell me the same story over and over again and it’s always new to me. I know these aren’t big things: I’m not hitting the winning run or getting nominated for a Pulitzer. Still, these little acts of kindness mattered to the recipients – and if I wasn’t there they wouldn’t have happened. They are a way for me to shake my fist at the blackness and say “You won’t get me. I am a good person and the world would be poorer without me.”

And the world would be poorer without you too, Yellowfever.

Hang Tough: You Are Powerful

Dear Hockey

welcome, welcome, welcome, and if i were handing out Pulitzer's, you'd have one. so many treasures in your post. thank you.

i am not doing so good either, so, i am taking these things to heart.

and... you are absolutely welcome to post here as much as you want, regardless of how much or how little you post on the TBI forum. (I have encountered many who have had TBI's and i don't know if there is any that didn't have to battle depression as a consequence.)

Dear Sharla

I hope you too will take to heart the words offered in Hockey's post. Clearly some things are examples, and you will need to see how you can do similar things in your own life. But I think she's got a lot of good stuff in there.

Keep hanging in there, whatever you do. The big D is not here to stay.

Sharla, I hope to hear from you soon. Want to know how you are doing.

And Hockey, I really do hope you'll hang around here.



~ waves ~

Thanks everyone! Reading all the posts made me feel a lot better. It is just a state and it will go away. I am now focusing hard on homework and I am brewing coffee to help me out. Lately, all I want to do is sleep. A lot. So I am trying to stay up more. I have been sleeping too early and too late into the day on my days off. So that is no good. I no longer live with my parents. I actually moved and I rent part of a house now. I have a car but I need coverage. So yeah I am slowly making my way to living on my own finally. I am just bummed it took till age 25 to get over my fear of driving.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better after reading our comments.

The sleeping a little less (since you've been sleeping excessively from what i read) is a good plan. This has actually been studied: reducing sleep in depression, when a person is tending to sleep too much, can be useful. Early morning awakenings are supposed to be particularly helpful. I wish you well with that.

Good luck with working on your homework. If it feels harder, it's coz it IS harder to do "thinky things" when we are depressed, so, just try to bear with it, be patient with yourself. Try and get extra time if you need it.

It is good to hear that you are out on your own now. And about getting over your fear of driving. You deserve a lot of credit! Not everybody has that fear, so most do not have to face it and be courageous enough to get past it! You did... and succeeded! CONGRATULATIONS.



~ waves ~