[stranger_184]

Ive been depressed ever since i can remember(i think when i was 7),i always felt like an outcast (and of course,thts not what started this whole depressin)....and it just gets worse, i use to cut myself a few years back. i eventually stopped but now,im depressed again(for quite some time now) n im struggling not to go into that habit anymore,i dnt wanna go down that road again...AND i wanna tell my sister(the closest person i ever been with)but BACK THEN when i started to cut myself and attempt suicides and stuff, she knew about it. and my parents only knew i had suicidal thoughts and tried to help. but now its happening all over again.....
is there something wrong with me? tht i cant feel happy,content and comfortable in my own skin...and when i speak up, feel comfortable in my own skin, i get trashed for it which makes me wanna be all depressed and sometimes i wonder how, it feels to "feel comfortable in your own skin" and be happy?..i find it really hard to just smile sometimes....if u ever met me face to face you'd know im not the type to smile!
i dont know how to go about it?? i dnt know how to tell my sister without her freaking out, coz im sure she doesnt know....and she'll js tel me to be patience, but there's only so much a person can take...and to top it all off, i have congenital hydrocephalus to deal with and i wanna stop this madness!

I'm sorry things aren't getting any better for you, stranger. I think it must be difficult for you to get help from any kind of social system where you live, is it? Are there counselors of any kind available?

I hope you are seeing a medical doctor, because that's so important right now. That person ought to be able to tell you whether your hydrocephalus is something that can probably pass on to your baby. You need to get rid of as much stress as possible from your life.

Try posting on those different forums a lot. Talking about your feelings helps a lot of us, & people will begin to respond as they get to know you.

Take good care. Keep coming back.

[Sam]

Welcome to the forum stranger. I hope getting that off your chest gave you a little relief. Your sister may not freak if you tell her, and it would give you another source of support.

I'm not quite sure how to answer the fact that you aren't comfortable in your own skin. There are a lot of different problems that can create that feeling. I understand if its not something you want to go into, but if you would like to clarify why you feel that way, maybe some of us could help.

Depression likes to hang around and grab you when you least expect it. There are moments of feeling nothing that come and go and maybe some good things from time to time. Its exhausting though. If you are afraid you might start cutting again, you really need to tell your sister. I know there isn't much time between the thought and the actually act of cutting, maybe not enough time to call your sister, but you really need someone. I've been there and am riddled with scars, so I do know the feeling. Is there anything that you can think of that lets you know in advance if you might be edging closer to self harm? For me, it was always noticing sharp things in the house. No solid thoughts at that point, just suddenly more aware of weapons. If you can identify an aura in yourself, that would be the time to either call your sister, come to the forum or get yourself to the emergency room BEFORE it happens.

Sometimes I think that clinical depression is like being an alcoholic or a drug addict. You fight hard to get rid of the depression and self harm, but if you aren't careful, it can come back with a vengence. Once you start, its hard to stop again. The good thing is that you have probably identified some ways of coping through your past experience. Its easier to give in than fight, but if you didn't want to fight, you probably would not have come to the forum. Please get help. If you don't feel comfortable talking to a Dr., you may be able to talk to a minister or priest depending on your beliefs. That first step is hard, but you can do it.

Please keep us informed.

Sam

[ginnie]

Welcome to Neuro Talk. You did find a wonderful site, and lots of good compassionate folks. I can't say I ever went through the degree of depression you have, but I have had enough to know how miserable it is. There is a way out. It begins with mind over matter, and a concious decision to feel better. Sometimes we are out of wack with chemicals in the brain. This can be dicussed with a doctor that you trust. A good PCP can help. I have a PCP who hugs me. Can't get better than that for a caregiver. It took me 8 years to find him. I was also blessed as I know a psychologist, who is a friend, not in the role of council. Reach out for help. If you trust and love your sister, talk to her. Talk to us here, and do something to get out of the situation you are in. It does take some effort. It is a choice. Nobody wants to feel that way for a lifetime, it is awful. Life can be good, even loaded with problems, it is your perception of the things that happen to you. It isn't the cards you are given, but how you play the hand. Don't hurt yourself, embrace yourself. You are a human being deserving of all the good stuff life has to offer. Get the help. Also one of the best things I ever did for myself was to pick up a book. I was not a reader. It takes you away from yourself, away from your mind set, and expands your perception of the world. Try to be good to others, and good will come right back to you. I am here for you, and so is Neuro Talk. Take the step forward, and reach for what you need. ginnie