[BlueMajo]

Hi again dear all,

I dont know if it is correct to post this here, if not, please delete my post...

I wanted, I needed to share with you what Im feeling right now...

I had this friend I used to love, to talk with all day, to think about it all day... We used to get along very well, we traveled together... we did crazy things just to be together, like, you know, avoiding exams, missing classes, saving money like crazy, etc...
Suddenly, he found "his perfect girl" and decided to get married next april... He is so different now... his interests are others... She has nothing to do with me... I feel extremely sad because I miss him so much and I thought he felt the same things about me...
I dont talk to him anymore... everything happened to quickly... I miss him a lot and cant imagine, I mean, I dont want to see him married... with children... he is 26 like me...

What to do ? I mean, what to do to support this ??? I simply cant beleive this is happening... I cry all nights... feel abandoned... dont know...

I want to see him again, but at the same time, I would love to simply erase him from my brain...

And then I remember the good times and keep asking why is he getting married ??? What Am I gonna do ?

Too sad.

Sorry for long post.

[tamiloo]

BlueMajo, don’t ever worry about posting a long post. When you need support its better to know more than less. I have posted a long on as well….I want to tell you about my daughter and her story of loss and coping.
I’m so sorry about what’s happening with your friendship. I have a daughter who is 23 who has had similar things happen and it has been so hard for her to pick herself up from. Recently she had to end a long relationship with a guy that she loves. They had actually planned on getting married someday. She knew she had to end it because he was very wrong for her but had not seen it until now.
Years ago when she first met him I told her that she was going down a wrong road. She got mad and just went on with the friendship so I had to learn to love him. And I did. He was becoming a son to me.
When she broke up she also lost a huge amount of friends that were his before they met him. She tried to hang out with these friends but then he would always be there and it would turn into a bad situation...he doesn’t want to let go. I told her that for a while she needed to take a rest from his friends. She didn’t like that but has done it.
One day she asked me if the hurt will ever go away. I told her what I told her when her dad left over 14 years ago. Today you can’t see an end to the pain a crying. You want to cry all day long and can’t think of anything but him. Then in a week you might find yourself only crying a few times a day. The sorrow would lessen day by day until you could see passed all the pain and start to live. Yes, you will always have all the good memories of the time spent together but one day they won’t hurt so bad to think of them.
Krista…my daughter came home Saturday night after hanging out with some of her old friends that she had before she met…him…she was so happy. She said that she hasn’t laughed so hard in her life…she was finally seeing through all the pain. I told her that I could see her…the person she was before him…coming back. Wow, I said, it’s so good to have you back. She didn’t realize how much she had changed her life to be with him. She had pulled out of College and everything, family, old friends and church. Yes, she threw her beliefs out for him.
He has called asking why and begging for a chance…now when he calls she doesn’t answer the phone. I know he is in a world of pain right now. He had to move home with his parents…hasn’t lived there for probably eight years. His Mom has cancer and has gone beyond all help. So he is at home with her during her last days. Maybe things are the way they are for reasons that we can’t see now but down the road can look back and see the good in all the madness.
I know that your situation and my daughters are different but they are both painful. I hope you can get down that road safely…we are here…pm’s me if you need to talk. Don’t worry about where you post or how long…that’s what NT is about, giving support and unconditional love to all of us in need. Remember, this is a day by day process. Only take on today and then put it to rest and look forward to tomorrow. You will make it…you will.
Now I need to apologize for the long post…

[BlueMajo]

Originally Posted by tamiloo

Maybe things are the way they are for reasons that we can’t see now but down the road can look back and see the good in all the madness.

Uff, thank you, THANK YOU tamiloo for your message !!! This part Im quoting here is full of truth... wow, you are so right

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I means a lot to me.

I will try to see it day by day and to give time to time...

Thank you !!!!!!

[GmaSue]

Dear Blue,

I am so sorry you are having sad times right now.
Besides the loss of your friend's companionship, I wonder if part of the trauma you are feeling is because he was your main support system. When you have constant pain and lack of energy (Fibromyalgia, in other words, LOL) you often find someone or something that will help pull you up and give you more energy and to help distract you from the pain. So if that person or thing is suddenly snatched away form you, it can affect your whole life so much.

Maybe one of the best things you could do to feel better would be to try to find somone or a couple of people and/or some new hobby or activity that would fill that empty spot left by your friend. Try to think of someone or something else that can help lift you out of pain and give you the inspiration to do things. Or if you already have a hobby or something your really like to do-pamper yourself and give yourself permission to do it more often for awhile.

Good luck, fellow Fibromite, hang in there!!!

[BlueMajo]

Aw Sue !!!

Thank you very, very much for taking the time and reply to my post

You just made me feel better. Uff, today specially I had a nasty day at college.... blah... so, coming here was really helpful.

Thanks !

[Vowel Lady]

This is sooo interesting to me. Why? Because I am experiencing something similar.

It's in a different way...but very similar.

Ya know, it happens to everyone. Things change. People move to different parts of the country, for example. Friends marry, divorce, pass away, change religions, etc.

We hope these things don't happen. We expect things to remain the same. Sometimes, this happens. Sometimes, events happen that create a change.

HOWEVER, I have learned from experience that although when these changes occur that for the time being there is a loss and no doubt this loss is difficult, this usually, if not always means, that something just as good or better is soon to come along.

Sure, you will and are experiencing grief. I am going through that right now as well.

However, in my heart, I know that it won't be long before another similar (or possibly even better/bigger) relationship will be down the road.

I wish this wasn't my situation as you wish your situation was different. AND your friendship is not gone, just changed.

But, keep a good attitude and have faith. Be patient. Keep your eyes open.

If your heart is closed and your eyes are closed, you will not be the same person and could miss something very special down the road.

[BlueMajo]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for that Vowel. Wow, you are so right. And by the way, you just make me feel better with all you said.

Hopefully everything will be better and bigger soon !

Thanks !

[BlueMajo]

Right....

"My guy" is getting married this saturday....

I thought I had "survived" this, but today, after knowing the wedding is this saturday, I just feel nostalgic again.... I think this has to be a terrible nightmare... and that tomorrow, he and me will be travelling together again, like we used to....

Oh lord.... this song describe perfectly what Im feeling now.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFgWD9rfjCI

[billie]

Blue, you are an extremely important person. You have helped so many through this forum. I, too, know the pain of loss of an important other. I know that time makes it better. I am somewhat confused about your relationship with "my guy". Was he just a friend or was he someone you had a more romantic relationship with? Did he talk to you about getting married or had you lost contact prior to this development? I am so sorry about your pain, and I identify closely with it. Due to my age and self-isolation, I have had to confront the fact that I will not have a significant relationship again, unless it is the unforeseen will of God! You are likely much younger than me, and I feel that your chances of having your own marriage are excellent. When that time comes, this pain will be only a distant memory. Thank You for sharing, as many of us have pain similar to yours, and when a much-respected person is able to talk about this, it is a help to us all. billie

[billie]

In re-reading your post, I see that you are only 26. Girl, you will have much more in life than what you have lost. You, too, will find your "perfect guy" and have a marriage. Remember, too, that memories are much more perfect than was the actual person. Remember the person's less-than-good qualities instead of dwelling on the good times that you are missing. If the "perfect girl" will have nothing to do with you, this reflects your importance to him. He will not be able to forget you, and chances are good that his time of regret for this situation will come. I, too, left someone with whom I had had a long-term relationship. He has moved on, but I have been in regret for more than 30 years! It sounds as though "your guy" has mishandled the termination of your relationship, and the person who wrongfully terminates a significant relationship is the one who is left with the regrets. In the end, the question will likely be, will you be ready to forgive if he gets up the courage to request forgiveness? The "perfection" of "the perfect girl" will very likely be erased by the marriage, and "your guy's" mistaken impulsivity will come to the fore. Try to be grateful that you are not the one in the wrong in this situation. billie