I am dealing with a spouse that could care less how I feel, in fact he is only concerned with what I can do...I am the type that changes the oil, stokes the fire, brings in the groceries by myself, does just about everything around the house with 11 acres so he can "work" to "support" me. I have given this jack**** 23 years of my life and he goes to facebook to find "support" from his "friends" which it turns out is a female that has been talking to him an awful lot. I have two kids, arteritis, chrons and now it looks like ms as well. The only good thing happening right now is that I am feeling much better since they put me on Baclofen. My legs don't ache for the most part...I can wear "normal" shoes most days and I can actually get some things done. God help me...I am tired of being crapped on. I have a feeling that there are plenty of people out there in the same boat as me. I wish I had someone who had my "back" ...as a spouse is supposed to do.

Sorry, just had to vent. We have been trying to work thru the "friend" issue and I caught him on facebook on the phone while in the bathroom while trying to hide it from me today, guess we have more work to do...or I need to just dump the jerk.

Think before you leap. Yes, what he is doing sucks. He is a jerk, you know that, but if you leave, is house in half your name? (ladies, I won't buy a house unless it is and we're going on year 34 and DH being pretty good please do this.) Where will you go, do you have any money? Yes, he is a jerk (did I say that already? JERK,JERK,JERK) but would leaving just make things easier for him and harder for you? Think before you jump. Pride (rightful even) can make us do stupid things. Have a plan. ( Did I mention he is an idiot?)

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, and yes....I do understand.

I have been dx with MS, epilepsy for two years now, and have had severe migraines for most of my life.

I stopped working (outside the home) about 4 years ago when I my fatique and pain just got soooo bad. However, like you, I am expected to do everything around here. Finances, kids, shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, taking the kids to every activity and a million other things.

Well, recently he took a second job, and now I am expected to have him a "Hot Plate" (his words) ready when he gets home.

I rarely get asked how I feel, usually only when he wants something?? The very day I got dx he asked me, can we still fool around tonight?

The last six months things have gotten much worse for me, and I am just not able to keep up and do everything.....I really just want to be taken care of; and I have been married for 28 years!!

I hope and pray you are able to figure it all out....you are in my thoughts and prayers!

OK PM your DH(DumbHusband) is a total jerk, but he can possibly be saved. Here's what to do....friend the girl he is talking to and tell her all your troubles and would she want a guy who treats his wife like that. If she has a brain and is over 17, she will defriend him and run like the wind.

I was also the wife who did it all and we came close to splitting because I wasn't as independent anymore, but he came around after thinking he was losing me and we were married 35 years before he passed away in 2004. He became my best cheerleader.

I do hope it works out in the best way for you.

Daisy girl, married 28 years and on your DX day, he wants to fool around? He sounds like a Peter Pan and will never grow up, but maybe worth keeping for laughs.

Start hiring yard people, maid service and a cook. He might just start helping you a little more or go broke..

By all means have a nice talk with him and let him know your fears and that with his help you may be able to stay as independant as possible..

Agreed! What she said . . .

I have a few questions for you two ladies to ask yourselves. Is he also a control freak? Does he have 'anger' problems? Does he sometimes stew in silence leaving you to wonder what YOU have done wrong? Does he whine and complain about how hard HIS life is? Do you feel like you're 'walking on eggshells' to keep the peace? Have you been arguing over these issues for most of your marriage and never getting any resolution? Does he tell you that you're 'too sensitive'?

If you answered 'yes' to most of these, you're married to the same man that I am divorcing after 25 years of marriage. I've come to realize that life is too short to live a miserable existence. I'm finally going to take care of myself for a change.

I'm not advocating divorce. In my situation, I feel it's my last chance to live a decent life. Only YOU know what's best for you.

Jodylee....My husband is very self centered, cares (to a fault) about what other people think of him. He is the first to volunteer for anything, without thinking for one minute if I may have something going on. He will get up at 5am to help someone, but I can't get him to finish a small project (which was actually my birthday present two years ago) The wood is still sitting in the garage!! He breaks promises to the kids all the time because someone else has ask for his help!!

Everyone thinks he is the most wonderful guy out there, and yes, he has major anger issues, has thrown things.....tell me all the time that I just don't love him anymore. Trys to guilt me into thinking HE does everything, and I just sit at home at all day!!! WHAT??

Did the eggshells for a long time.....now I just don't care!

Thank you to all that posted. I am able to do so much more since taking Baclofen, I was not too far from needing a wheelchair...at the rate I was going. Now I can walk up and down steps, I can walk into Walmart and actually look instead of getting my kids to run and go get me things!! I guess spastisity can be a major issue if it is not medicated. Now I am starting to lose the extra many pounds that I put on while on Predinesone for 8 months. DH is still a jerk, I may sit here and plot a plan of attack just in case he stays a jerk. He has always be a self centered jerk, but he was my jerk. If I am not happy in the spring, I am leaving once the kids are out of school for the summer. So, what can I do to prepare if this goes badly? I am a planner of sorts and I like to prepare a head of time.

He makes much more than me now and loves to remind me of it every day. I was laid off for almost two years and just found a parttime job bookkeeping that pays little. It used to be me that was the breadwinner, of course I never reminded him of that but I get sick of him "supporting" me. He carries my health insurance as well. DG your story makes me want to cry. When I think of how insensitive people can be, it makes me sick, I would love to put some of these jerks in our shoes for just one week. They wouldn't survive a week, in fact people like my hubby are total babies when they get a cold.

We may make it thru this because I feel better, but I will not forget how I have been treated because of my pain and illness. I look at things differently now with a wiser eye towards thinking of the future.

Hi poormommy . I can help you with the practical details so that you can plan for the future. I'm a planner too . PM me if you want. I'm kinda keeping myself hidden in case my h reads this site . Good luck, hon. I know how much this sucks.