I'm really mixed up on this ms life. It is IMPOSSIBLE to finish raising 2 teenage kids, "be there" for 2 adult children, and be basically a nurse for an ailing husband, and work full time. Sounds like a pity party. But I've backslid into powering my through life and today I'm so depressed.... can't stop the tears. Please help me know how to slow down with life and still feel like I'm being a good person. I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there. I hope somebody hears me. I have no one here to talk to.

What you are trying to do, with MS, is next to impossible. IF you manage to do it for much longer, it will be at a huge cost to yourself . . . and then where will you (and everyone else) be?

It sounds like it's time to do some prioritizing and make some decisions. If I was in that situation:

- I'd let my ADULT children manage on their own. Your job as a parent; to raise them to be responsible & independant adults, is done. If they didn't learn everything by now, they need to . . . fast.

- Your teenage children may have to try to be of more help to you. If they are busy working part-time, getting "A's" and "B's", and/or exceling in sports (in order to win a scholarship), then you might have to pick up a large part of the slack at home. Otherwise they should be doing that for you.

- Leaving the workforce is difficult, both emotionally and financially. I had to make that agonizing decision, but it was the best thing I could have done. Start thinking about how you might be able to cut down responsibility or hours, before that decision is made in spite of you.

I'm not sure what the story is with your husband, but that must be hard to tend to an ailing husband. Can you afford help? Are there things you can do differently to conserve energy in that regard?

We all want to be super-mom and wife . . . but it can't be done with this disease, simple as that.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Are you on antidepressants (I didn't read the rest of this thread)?

You need a break, and you have to give yourself permission to not be "perfect"!

Cherie

Just want to offer some 's to you...you seem to really be going thru a tough time. Cheri offered some good advice. We all know it is easier said than done, so you must give yourself time to adjust.

I've heard some talk about getting on adderall or ritilin to help with energy, and you may want to discuss this, or another alternative with your doctors. Now is a good time to build a really good relationship with a doctor, as I think he/she will be your best ali when it's all said and done.

As for all the tears, I understand darlin', and I feel so bad for you. You need a big hug, and maybe even some antidepressants while you learn to deal with the full plate you have. Depression alone will suck the life right out of you. Once depression becomes chronic, you are at its mercy until you get 'help', whether it be in pill form, therapy form, or both. You can overcome this.

If you have the time to read up on the many souls here who are living this illness every day, you'll see that many, if not most, have learned to incorporate this madness into daily life, throw in some humor, and make it work. I wish and pray this for you as well!!

Now dry those tears, and start making a plan. You've been a care taker for along time, you know how important it is to care for yourself....and its your turn. Blow off the dishes, only wash the clothes you need, make batches of stews, soups, chili, etc for easy cooking all week and drink lots of water to stay hydrated.

Your family will learn to adjust with you, count on it. Do you mind me asking what ails your DH? Whatever the issue, I pray for his health as well and do hope you feel better really soon!

You are not alone in this, really!

((((((((((((((Friend2U)))))))))))))

Thinking of you and sending up prayers for strength.

We almost lost my DH to colorectal cancer last year. It was initially missed by one dr and 2 years later, the tumor was so large it was attached to ALL sided of his pelis and his bladder. It ruptured, but the surgeon was able to get it out without it spreading. He finished the last of his chemo about 5 months ago. But his has lost a lot of weight even since then and is is much pain. Has trouble getting around and functioning. I am praying it hasn't spread and that this is just aftermath of the chemo.

Thank you both for your advise and encouragement. Cherie you are so level headed. I have read many things you have shared in other threads. You are both very kind. I know I have to be level headed and make changes in my life. It is just overwhelming right now and seems impossible.

Cherie, part of my stress right now is my work. I am considering an early retirement. It's just so hard because it seems like defeat. I was not finished with all I wanted to do with my career. Sometimes I just get so mad. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And I also know that I can grow for the Lord through this. My brain knows all the right things. But my heart just doesn't always "get it".

I just needed a shoulder to cry on tonight. Thank you both for letting me do that. I'm sure I will pick myself up by the bootstraps shortly... I always do. I am just going to have to find a new way, because I know "powering through it" is not an option anymore, as was mentioned to me earlier on in this thread. I just have to find my way through it all and right now I'm just a bit lost.

I have always been the listener and fixer for everyone else. That's the way it is supposed to be for me. God is teaching me something, but I'm just not sure what.

Thank you so much for caring! Sometimes that is enough... just to know there is someone out there who cares!

Thank you for the compliment.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. What a stressful time this must be.

I spent several years getting my education, only to be struck down in my prime (age 31). I continued to work for 14 yrs, but I had to down-grade my career aspirations very early on, and that was a blow. It was even harder when I had to leave the workforce all together, so I understand your "unfinished business" feeling.

I tend to be the caretaker type too, probably because I didn't get that in my own home. My mom was schizophrenic (in a bad way) and my dad, who was a drunk, died when I was eleven. I want to do so much for my kids, to give them the very best opportunities in life, but I simply can't.

There are two things that have helped me accept my limitations; all of us kids (my sisters and I) survived our difficult home situation well, and my Grandmother raised 18 kids that all turned out fine. Every time I think of what I would like to be able to do for my kids, I ask myself "if I had 18 kids, would I be able to do that?". Clearly the answer is "no" . . . and since I know first hand that children can prosper without being "taken care of" . . . I know my kids will be fine too.

It's time to take care of you, so that you will be healthy enough to spoil the grand-children (every other Sunday ) for many years to come.

Cherie

try to pace yourself, easier said than done

but if its gonna be a long day at work dont do dishes and laundry before going, so forth and so on

try to relax about the fatigue dont stress over it, it is a very common thread among us all here

some of us are on provigil to help counter act the fatigue, works for me

but like this illness, it hits us all differently as do the meds

try to rest and have a wonderful week

Friend, I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through and all you've BEEN through. You are so newly dxed that the emotional toll itself must be taking a toll. Every single one of us can tell you, despite of where we are in our journey or how it's manifesting itself physically, it's overwhelming at first. Not that it ever ceases to stink, but that part does get better. Don't feel defeat on any level -- right now it's baby steps. Give yourself a break and for now, just take it one day at a time. You are not alone!

Wow, I can relate to what you're going through. After my diagnosis, I was in the midst of caring for my ailing parents remotely, traveling each weekend to see them out of town and it was wearing me out combined with work and home life. My MS and general health suffered greatly.

And don't apologize about making this about you. We all do that from time to time. We need to do that to let out our frustrations.

Wow, I could have written that myself. I can feel your pain. I just hate it that this happens to so many of us. Please go easier on yourself, and really think about the article on fatigue that Cherie posted the link to. I re-read it myself, and it's right on. I hope things will settle down for you. Also, I hope your husband will start to feel better, that has to be so incredibly difficult not only for him but you too.

...for you words of encouragement and understanding. I can't express my gratitude. I just can't stay on here too long now, but will pull these up through the next few days and read them again and again for strength. They will help me sort through things.

I am sorry that anyone else has to go through this, therefore is able to relate... and I know you all feel the same. Such a caring community of folks. Thanks so much!