It's disappointing to keep being reminded that I obviously STILL haven't accepted all the ramifications of this. You'd think by now--over three years since diagnosis--that I could at least be close to "this is the way things are now, I'm going to make the best of it".

Today we're going grocery shopping. I still can't get my mind around the idea that this isn't something I can essentially do before breakfast and then get on with my "real" day.

I'm about halfway through double-checking the cupboards, rounding up my coupons, getting my list organized so that there's no backtracking, re-negotiating the menu for the next few days.

Then I'll get dressed, make sure my stomach and bladder agree that it's time to go, get my boots and coat on, get down to the garage and into the car. Off we go.

It's only a half hour drive each way, but after the grocery store and the drugstore (with all of their sights and sounds and thinking and so on), climbing in and out of the car, stopping for the mail, putting the groceries away, etc. it will be lunchtime and I will be toast.

You'd think I would be used to this by now, but it still surprises and offends me every time I remember that it takes a whole day's worth of energy to run into town and get a few groceries. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get past it.

I understand completely. Once upon a time .... I could do four loads of laundry, shop for food, cook the food, do some cleaning ... without breaking a sweat.

Like I said, once upon a time.

Now ... I gather laundry and get the washer started. Forget about it until the next day...
that day comes, put the laundry in the dryer and then it's forgotten...
every day.

I shop for food in a local grocery store (5 minutes away). If I were to travel a half hour I would have a much larger selection ... but the travel agrevates my fatigue.

While I've accepted the situation (dx'd in 2000) , I just find it a bit frustrating to not get as much things completed as I once did.

When I feel the frustration build, I repeat my motto: Do what you can do, when you can do it (and remember it).

I hope you'll find your way with it all.

Cheers!

Niko

The answer is Yes and No..

I have long ago accepted my limitations and know what I am capable of doing, in any given day, but I don't like it and will never be ok with it. The every day stuff is bad enough, but not being able to do the bigger, more important stuff is horrible.

I'll resent, 'till my dying day, not being able to run to my DH's side, when he was dying...the same for my DBRO.. I'm in better shape now than I was then. I was on the phone with them both constantly and they both knew I was with them, in spirit.... NOT ENUFF!!!

Thanks for the oportunity to vent my spleen, Blessings..

Don't know if there is any "getting past it",but sometimes we can get around
it with different strategies.

You sound as tho you are very organized, get all of your lists togther, etc.
Is there any way you can un- consolidate trips some times? ie leave the
drugstore off the list once in a while? Or plan a break at a coffee shop part way thru? It might help you feel more in control if pacing yourself is a possibility.


I do know how frustrating it is to see a busy and productive past fading away
as it does with MS, but try not to beat yourself up about it. Some days you
just have to come and take a nap.

kami

I understand, B2Y. It's been a challenge for me to accept my limitations, too. Especially since I was used to being on the go all the time.

I've come to accept my disease....not sure why I've been able to do so. Maybe it's because I was dx after a bunch of really bad things happened in my life. Maybe I know that things could always be worse. Or that there are worse things to happen in life than this. I'm not sure why.....all I know is I have accepted it and I'm pretty much okay with it. Do I wish I didn't have MS? Absolutely.

I'm not saying that everyone should feel the way I do. I know that everyone's MS is different. But.....if this is my burden to bear then so be it. I wouldn't wish this on anyone......I'd rather deal with it myself than have it be one of my kids or other family members or even friends. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm rambling.

Yes, I get irritated when there is something I want to do and I can't. But, so far, I've been able to do all that I need to do, some that I want to do and some that I really don't want to do!! I just take it a day at a time.

I just swept sand out of the garage. Something I did about two weeks ago (only did one side then)

I got half the garage swept out first (my dad's side) and then I sat for a few minutes and started to sweep my side of the garage. I had to stop and sit because of my back about 3 times during that side. Then I had to walk to the backyard to dump the 30 pounds of sand that was inside the dust scoopy thingie. (I swear, it looked like I was dumping a box of cremains back there)

Walked back up to the front yard. Sat down for another 5 minutes, and then started to finish the garage. My dad pulled up about 10 minutes later. As soon as he was out of the car, I was handing him the broom and dust scoopy thingie and said "here, finish this for me." (I was nearly done)

Then I went, got a cold drink, and sat outside for awhile.

Two weeks ago, I was able to do one side of the garage without even stopping to rest...granted, it was 40 degrees outside, cloudy and I was pretty well rested that day.

Today, it was about 60 degrees outside (80 if you were in the sun with a white wall behind you) and it was bright sunshine out today. Plus, insomnia last night kept me up till 430 or 5am this morning. (and I got up at 11am)

My hands are shaking as I type this, and I'm about to take a nap in my computer chair while I watch my Tivo-ed episode of Glenn Beck.

I should have just left the sand on the floor in the garage, and waited till the neighbor has his leaf blower out...(he's nice, has blown sand out of our garage two years in a row with his leaf blower)

B2Y - Because shopping wipes me out, I break my shopping into parts. On Sunday I make the menu, do the grocery list, get the coupons ready and anything else I need for my shopping at any and all of the stores I need to go. On Monday I do the shopping in the morning as early as possible but like you, by the time I get home it's lunch time and I have very little energy to even make any lunch. There is no way I could even possible do both in one day. Not only is it too exhausting, it is way too confusing for me. Sometimes if I have more than one store I need to go to, I save some of the extra stores to later in the week instead of trying to get all the shopping done in one day. It took me quite a while to find a system that works best for me. If I find new difficulties as time goes on, I make changes as best as I can.

Blessings,

Is there anyone else at home who can do your shopping?

I have found it so much easier to think in terms of what I want my energy for in a day. Do I want to spend my energy cleaning the kitchen or working on a quilt? Do I want to go shopping or walking in the neighborhood? Can I combine my walking routine with my shopping? Can I quilt and call a friend via speaker phone at the same time?

I find the days I seem to pity myself are the days that I didn't sleep good the night before. Naps ALWAYS come first for me!

(and you know what? in my previous life, naps were for babies and old folks - not ME!)

As they tell new moms - don't compare your baby to another baby. I learned with MS, this was true too. I don't have your MS, I don't have Becky's MS, and I sure don't function like my healthy next door neighbor!

Peace!

My answer is a decided "no", 20 odd years into this, I still make too many plans, put too much in a day, and pay dearly for it. I don't plan on stopping either.

I'm glad that you can go to the store and do the shopping in the same day. When getting dressed can be an overwhelming challenge, it sinks in a little heavier, and no, I never get past it but I do it anyway. Then I take a nap.

I refuse to give in...I actually don't allow myself to believe the dx sometimes...and try to pack in as much as I can...sometimes the stiffness/pain/fatigue overwhelm me, but I fight, fight, fight it. I have to. I was the same way when the fibro dx came 25 yrs ago.

Hope it gets easier for you, B2Y...