[SharS]

Hi Everyone:

I've been working myself up into a stressed-out mess. My short-term disability runs out Tuesday - it will have been 4 months. My doctor sent papers in saying I still can't work at all until January or that we will review in January. This means I will have to now apply for long term disability.

When I first "crashed" (my word) at the first of April, I could not imagine that I wouldn't be back up to full speed by now and back to work. I am definitely better - I am not losing my voice during the day (mostly) and my legs are stronger. However, I did completely fail my breathing test last week. I'm still not grocery shopping, cooking, etc but am feeling better at home.

I talked to HR at the children's museum where I work today about the possibility of me coming back in a week or two and just trying it. I have a recliner in my office and my boss said I could work from home some. Even though my doctor has been pretty clear, I still just think in my mind that if I say I want to go back, he'll say "Sure, go ahead." That's stupid isn't it? Anyway, the HR person asked me if my doctor is writing something up saying I am recovered and releasing me to go back to work. I said, "Well, no." She said, "Then you absolutely can not come back to work. You can't come back without written documentation from him." I don't know why it was such a shock to me for her to say this. I am so scared, on one hand, of losing my job, but on the other hand, of trying to go back to work. With this latest episode, my doctor wasn't sure if I would recover my voice fully. I am afraid of trying to work and crashing again and not being able to recover. But I'm also afriad of losing my job for a lot of reasons - love of my job, people, finances.

I'm also not good at looking at things objectively about myself. I keep going back and forth in my mind - one minute I think I am going to try to go back full time right now with accomodations and the next minute I think, how could I possibly do that? But what are the consequences if I don't? or do?

I would appreciate your prayers over the next week as I try to figure this all out. I'm acting like it's all up to me but I'm not sure now if I even have a choice in the matter. Would a doctor even send papers in to insurance one week saying you can't work at all and then the next week write a letter saying you can work?

Thanks, (sorry for the long post)

[rach73]

Hi Sharman,

Just to let you know Im thinking of you.

Its horrible to be in a situation where you feel you have no control.

Is there any possibility you could drop down to part time for a while to see how you get on?

I think you know yourself that full time work is not possible at the moment.

Im sorry I can't be of more help.My heart goes out to you.

Love
Rach

[Joanmarie63]

I think we all know how you feel. You do laundry or cook dinner and think well if I can do that then I can work, but then you do a little to much and bam, you are down for the count. I know when I think I feel strong, I will walk out to the mailbox and by the time I walk back to the house, I am done for at least 2 hours.

It is very frustrating, but remember MG is not like a cold, you won't just "get over it" you have to readjust your life around it. If you can get away with part-time work then that would be wonderful. I miss work so much but I know if I go to work, then I can't do anything else. When I take a shower I need at least 1 hour to regain my strength, thank goodness I have curly hair so I don't have to spend time doing hair or that would be all I could do in a day.

You are in my thoughts and I hope everything works out for you.

[suev]

Sharman,

I sympathize - and may be able to give some insight re: the 'system'.

Once a doctor notifies a company of 'medically unable to return to work until (date)' the company is bound by a number of legalities.

1) the individual can not 'work' in any capacity unless the doctor writes a release.

2) disability kicks in if the individual has coverage

3) some companies will let vacation and sick time be used before and/or after disabilty starts

You definitely need to pursue Long term disability if you are eligible. Check with your HR about exactly what your LT disability covers - and doesn't cover. Be sure you understand about benefit coverage (and who pays) if your health insurance is with your employer.

You are lucky to have have a doctor who is REALLY looking out for you. Good luck - and remember that you and your health are your first priority right now.

Sue

[ras1256]

Sharman,
I'm sorry you are having to struggle with this decision. Please don't let fear of losing your job push you into more than you can handle now. If your doctor says you aren't ready you probably aren't.

I have several times over the years thought I was good enough to go to work, only to make everything worse and prolong my recovery. When you are home doing little or nothing, you do feel like you can work. But are you at home doing something for 8 hrs. at a time with just a one hour break for lunch?

If anything, a part time arrangement would be best, but I doubt if you would be able to sustain that for any length of time - and once you go back it's very dissappointing to find that you need to be off again - both to you and your employer and co-workers.

I'd suggest talking to your doctor, asking for his honest opinion about how much he thinks you could tolerate WITHOUT jepardizing your recovery! No job or material object is worth crashing to the point of not being able to function at all - I have found that out the hard way, even though I am now back to work. This time, I waited beyond when I first thought I might be able to do it, and tested myself a little first.

Whatever you do, we'll be here for support. Just please don't let your heart overrule your head - and it sounds to me like your head is telling you that you're not there yet.

Take care.

[SharS]

Thanks for all your words of wisdom for me.

Rach - Thank you for your kind words. They rang very true and help me face my situation and also comfort.

Joanmarie - I loved what you said about curly hair. I actually got a curly perm in my hair so I wouldn't have to try to blow dry my hair and use all my strength trying to fix it in the morning! The things you said reminded me of how much strength is needed to do even small things in the day much less working all day.

Sue - thank you for the tips. They were very helpful and confirmed what the HR person told me. My doctor IS great - I am so fortunate in that regard.

ras1256 - your words are so true. I think you said it well - my head and my heart are in conflict with each other and I tend to be more of a "heart" listener instead of a "head" listener.

I've struggled all day, but this afternoon it was taken out of my hands. HR called and said they had notified my insurance to roll everything over to long term disability. The insurance company told them they have everything needed from my doctor and them now and it all seems to be in order. She said I don't need to do anything else - they should have it complete by Monday. I was so surprised. She also "counseled" me somewhat that I really have to listen to my doctor and not try to come back at this time. She said if I get stronger I can begin to come back a few hours each week and that I have 2 years to do this before having to either come back full time or go on permanent disability. So, it looks like the decision has been made for me. I will say that when she told me all this, I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. This also surprised me. I think I was putting so much pressure on myself. I will keep you all posted on the final results next week. Thank you for your thoughts.

[erinhermes]

Hello sweetheart! Sounds like the Lord made your decision, huh? Just the thought of it gives me chills!

You obviously NEED this time off to worry about you! Don't worry about the little things - you have Him to lean on during those times!

Big hugs!
Erin

Originally Posted by SharS

Thanks for all your words of wisdom for me.

Rach - Thank you for your kind words. They rang very true and help me face my situation and also comfort.

Joanmarie - I loved what you said about curly hair. I actually got a curly perm in my hair so I wouldn't have to try to blow dry my hair and use all my strength trying to fix it in the morning! The things you said reminded me of how much strength is needed to do even small things in the day much less working all day.

Sue - thank you for the tips. They were very helpful and confirmed what the HR person told me. My doctor IS great - I am so fortunate in that regard.

ras1256 - your words are so true. I think you said it well - my head and my heart are in conflict with each other and I tend to be more of a "heart" listener instead of a "head" listener.

I've struggled all day, but this afternoon it was taken out of my hands. HR called and said they had notified my insurance to roll everything over to long term disability. The insurance company told them they have everything needed from my doctor and them now and it all seems to be in order. She said I don't need to do anything else - they should have it complete by Monday. I was so surprised. She also "counseled" me somewhat that I really have to listen to my doctor and not try to come back at this time. She said if I get stronger I can begin to come back a few hours each week and that I have 2 years to do this before having to either come back full time or go on permanent disability. So, it looks like the decision has been made for me. I will say that when she told me all this, I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. This also surprised me. I think I was putting so much pressure on myself. I will keep you all posted on the final results next week. Thank you for your thoughts.

[rach73]

Im glad its sorted out for you. Its a hard decision to make and accept. Ive got what we call here an ill health retirement. I paid into a pension scheme and basically due to the fact I will never work again, Ive been retired aged 35.

Although due to the bullying and harrassment I suffered at work, I have panic attacks going anywhere near the building...I still miss my work and the sense of accomplishment it gave me. I can't even boast Im a stay at home mum as we dont have kids lol!

Im still adjusting to not working. Its nice now the pressure is off and I sometimes wonder how I managed to do it. I think its a kind of mourning process, grieving for that part of my life that has gone.

So just be easy on yourself, you are going to need a period of adjustment. And you also have the two year period in which if you do get a remission you can go back.

So relax the decision has been made and if your anything like me you will find something else to worry about!

Love
Rach

[AnnieB3]

Shar, This is such a personal decision and no one else can make it for you. You've gotten a lot of good ideas, etc. to mull over.

As I sit here, trying to write this, I am in agony because my back muscles got weak from me daring to do a design project and have put me in pain from muscle spasms. I'm not saying that for sympathy but as an example of what MG does to people, to varying degrees. My back had been doing fine until I pushed and did something I don't normally do. MG is not predictable and that is the hardest part about it; besides the part about it being able to threaten your life!

Write down your thoughts, talk to family and friends, talk to yourself. What can you live with? Can you go to paper plates instead of doing dishes in order to work? Can you get a cleaner instead of doing it yourself? Only you can weigh all the pro's and con's to all this.

I hope you can figure it out. It was a no-brainer for me, since I stubbornly tired working over and over again, part-time, consulting work, etc. before I had to accept that I couldn't work. Good luck.

Annie

[Ckitty60]

Hi Shars.
Sorry to know you are feeling so bad. I will keep you in my prayers. I am glad you have relief now and don't have to worry anymore. Now, you can spend time getting better. Thanks so much for your encouragement! Take care.

ckitty