Originally Posted by waves

Please do not go cold turkey again. The ER doctor saw you. He would not have given you the Klonopin if he felt you could/should ride it out. Use the pills you have at your disposal to d/c gradually. They will be enough.

I am unclear on a couple of points.

Question 1. As of right now, do you still have a total of 20 x 0.5 mg Klonopin pills?

Question 2. Yesterday you took 0.75mg in the morning at the ER, ok. Did you then take another dose in the evening? If so, how much?

----------------------

That same doc thought you could go cold turkey from 0.75 and how did that work out?

I see her reasoning as profoundly flawed, insoftar as one does not become dependent overnight, it is a gradual process. Anyway, worrying about this stuff is only going to raise your anxiety level -- bad idea. Please, put aside the "what ifs", and go forward. You have three choices:

1) cold turkey
2) taper with 20 pills and
3) have your GP oversee you with phenobarbital

If you want to be supervised your only choice is 3). I've already stated what I feel would be safest and sanest -- the taper. Apparently the ER doc expected something like this too, or would not have given you 20 pills.

I did not think going from 0.75 to zero was a good idea, but I didn't see you and did not want to discourage you if the doctor thought it was ok. Well, this other doctor (at ER) did see you, did not think it was ok, and gave you some pills to help you out. I think what he did was sensible. You have enough to d/c safely. You might have some discomfort but it won't be nearly as bad as it has been the past few days.

The dependence is not going to worsen, as your blood levels are falling as we speak. The abstinence of 5 days has already made your levels drop off significantly.

You can look at the 0.75mg as a rescue dose in dire circumstances -- it is not a reinstatement. It will not have worsened your dependence because a single dose cannot bring your levels back up anywhere close to where they were before.

I think your best bet is to resume or "reinstate" at 0.5 mg as of tonight. If you didn't take any last night, you can take tonight's dose a little early. As of tomorrow, take it at the time you'd normally take it in the evening.

You WILL be ok!!!

waves

Originally Posted by Adamo

I didn't take any last night and slept with Elavil + 10mg Melatononin (8 hours).

Originally Posted by Adamo

As of today when I fill script I will have 20 .5mg pills to use for a decrease.

Originally Posted by waves

Hi Adamo,

Just checking on you...
How are you doing?

Hopefully you are recovering some?

----------

Also, I've been thinking about the possibility of splitting the pills in quarters, going forward:

Are your tablets scored with a cross, or just in half?

When you cut them in half, how precise are you able to be -- how "equal" are the "halves"?

waves

Originally Posted by Adamo

There are so many things I wanted to do in my life and now it seems as if I will only recover over a very long time if at all or remained mentally dysfunctional forever. I am suicidal and hopeless.

If there is any way you can give me some perspective I would be most grateful. All I can think of is how I use to be normal and that now I am surely never to regain such a thing again. Truly despairing....

Could I ever make it off this stuff or reagin anything?

Originally Posted by waves

Adamo,

If you are feeling suicidal please call a crisis hotline, go to the ER, or call your psychiatrist. I will suggest again that you see a different psychiatrist. At least gauging by what you say, she sounds rather negative and threatening... that doesn't sound like a good thing to me, with you in this state.

That is the best perspective I can give you right now. I understand about feeling hopeless. Get some help. If one door won't open, try another. You don't have to be alone in this, and there will be better things ahead. Please remember that since you are scared you are probably seeing things as hopeless, but there is hope. The mind is a tricky bugger in that regard.

There is also a forum here at Neurotalk where you can talk about feelings of suicide. It is called "Survivors of Suicide". Although it isn't for crisis management, the folks are compassionate and there are fewer restrictions there for discussions about suicide or about feeling suicidal. Here is the link:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

I am afraid I don't have any useful take on your benzo situation, at this point.

waves

Originally Posted by waves

Hi Adamo,

No need to ask for pardon on your last post... nothing wrong with it.

You did have me worried, though, so I am very relieved and glad that you are doing so much better now -- wow, sleeping and calm! It sounds like this process stepping down from the Valium is working well.

Keep checking in with me and letting me know how you are doing.

waves