[Brokenfriend]

I have anxiety to the point that it causes pain in the middle of my chest,and it goes to the left under my rib cage. I have cronic anxiety,and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,and it all started with panic attacks when I was a teenager. It has caused me a life of difficulty,and misunderstanding from my family,friends,bosses,and teachers. Now I find that I'm tired of it all,and I'm a good person. I find myself to be anxious,mildly angry,alone,and disturbed. I lost my job,and social security disability has denied my claim for disability two times now. I received that news today. I don't know what to do. They just don't care,and people just don't care,and I'm a human being who has reached out for help. There seems to be little help these days if you have been going through this for a long time. I'm on a low dose of medication,and I think that I need more,but I don't press the issue. I don't drink , but I use to years ago,but stoped because I was drinking to much,and it backfired on me. I stoped. I don't smoke. I don't take illegal drugs. I'm anxious,and it doesn't go away. I've been going threw psychotheropy for years,and years,and it doesn't help very much anymore. You know, I feel like saying stop the earth,I want to get off,you know what I mean. I'm tired of this pain,and I seem to have retreated from most everyone. I don't want to,but people seem to bring me so much pain. They don't mean too. I had alot of people abuse my sensitive nature when I was growing up. I didn't understand then,but I understand now alot about psychology,and why people do the things that they do. I use to find comfort in that,and knew that It wasn't my fault. I find little comfort in what use to comfort me. I don't know what to do. My mind is OK,and functional. It's my emotions that take me on a roller coaster ride. No one has any answers to this,and I can't seem to get any help from social security disability. It seems like I'm written off once it is known that it is a mental problem. I didn't creat this problem,but I'm stuck with it,and have to let people know that I'm not a second class citizen,and that my illness is just as much of a illness,as a physical illness. I cannot stop feeling this way. I grind my teeth in my sleep. It's not anything that I can just shake off. What options do I have. I'm running out of options. I don't plan on doing anything wrong,because I have a very sensitive conscious,and am a moral person.I thought that someone out there could relate to my suffering,and let me know that they understand. Maybe someone out there has some solutions that have not been presented to me.

[moose53]

((((((BF)))))),



Oh, believe me -- I know all about those dang labels they slap on you.

We've got three forums here that would 'fit' you (there's that word again ):
Anxiety and OCD
Survivors of Suicide
Bipolar Disorder

If you go strictly by diagnosis, then Anxiety and OCD would be the place for you.

I'm a big believer, though, that all of us who suffer with chemical dysfunctions in our brains can use all the help we can get. People with Bipolar understand the symptoms that you talk about -- they live with them every day. Plus, they're sort of "cousins" to me. My labels are chronic major depression and borderline personality disorder (that's the label from 7734 ). Bipolar and BPDs have a lot of 'issues', again with anxiety, but, also with with relationships and with boundaries

The Suicide Survivors forum. Also, one of "my" places. I've been on both sides of suicide. Lost a younger brother 41 years ago to suicide. And attempted suicide myself 7 times (one for every year of my marriage). Suicide Survivors know all about "coping".

You should get to know the people well in all three of those places. They're all gonna have lessons for you that you need to learn.

You must be "younger". I can't believe that you couldn't get SSDI with the diagnoses that you have. Usually, SSDI is awarded for psychiatric disorders. Luckily, I've got such a combination of crap wrong with me that I was able to get SSDI within 4 months. I've talked with people over-and-over again that end up in that whole appeal-refile-appeal routine. You have to have good backup from your doctors. They have to be willing to write letters stating how this is affecting your life. The records are not enough. Records are often not right. And, to be perfectly frank, I doubt very much that the government reads all those records. They need a summary on top of the record that will entice them to read the record further -- that's what the letters from the doctors are for.

There are an awful lot of "things" available to us who suffer with psychiatric illnesses. I was in the Prozac study 20 years ago. I thank G-d for Prozac. I never would have made it this far without it. I take Effexor XR now. That works well on my physical pain and not as well on my brain. I've just gone into a clinical trial for Sam-e to see if it will boost the effectiveness of Effexor XR -- it seems to This is the first week that I've felt HAPPY in months

There are a lot of things being tested in clinical trials. Drugs, techniques. I'm a big believer in clinical trials. I was in the Prozac study for 2 years. I was in a Cymbalta study for about a month -- got kicked out 'cause it didn't work that great on my depression, but, it did lead me to Effexor SR and a MOST EXCELLENT treatment for fibromyalgia and neuropathic pain.

http://public.murl.com/moose53/HEALT...LINICAL_TRIALS -- Clinical trials bookmarks -- (press the [page-down] key four times to get to the appropriate section)

I've got a whole HERD of bookmarks related to psychiatric "issues":
http://public.murl.com/moose53/HEALT...TRY-PSYCHOLOGY (press the [page-down] key four times to get to the appropriate section)

I've also got quite a few regarding Holistic-Healing:
http://public.murl.com/moose53/HEALT...LISTIC-HEALING (press the [page-down] key three times)

Because we have screwed-up brain chemistry, we're saddled with figuring out how to live good lives in spite of all the crap. It's hard, but, it's doable. We have to do a LOT of hard work to help ourselves. The technology just hasn't gotten as far as it should have by now. We have to understand how we react to stimuli and why (if we can figure that out). Writing -- journal-keeping is an invaluable tool for figuring out WHY we do the things that we do. We need to make sure that, if a particular therapy is not working, we do not waste our time continuing with that particular therapy.

There are good doctors our there and bad doctors. I've fired the bad ones. And owe my life to one of the good ones.

You need to understand yourself and your diagnosis. You need to learn tips and tricks and techniques for calming yourself. You can't stay in a frantic state 24/7 -- not good for you.

It's a lot of hard work. But, as I said, it's doable.

You DESERVE a chance at a good life. You have to become extremely, shall we say "FORCEFUL" so that no one crosses your boundaries and so that no doctor ignores you.

You might also want to be hanging around in the Social Security forum. Read the messages. Get yourself SMART. So you can apply again and WIN this time.

Hugs.

Barb

[Darlene]

BrokenFriend,

Hello and welcome to NeuroTalk. Great to see you have come to be with us. You will find a great number of caring, supporting members here willing to help each other as they can.

You have come to a wonderful group of friend here. I see Barb has given you a number of links to check out. Just take it one day at a time.

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around.

Darlene

[Brokenfriend]

Thank you Barbara,and thank you Darlene. I'm not sure how to navigate through this web site yet,and how to properly reply to each person. I will learn. I do believe that I've found the right place to be. Not to many people have understood what I've tried to tell them about my condition. Symbolically,I feel like I've been walking through a maze,and during the walk,I feel like I've become a shaddered mirror many times,and people around me never understand. I thank you all for understanding. I'm going to read those areas that you have shown me. This could not have come at a better time.

[moose53]

We're ALL here for you.



Barb

[Brokenfriend]

Thank you so much.

[Alffe]

Hi Brokenfriend...let me also welcome you to NeuroTalk. I see that Barb and Darlene have taken good care of you. You're going to like this place!

[Brokenfriend]

Alffe Thanks. You all are a nice group of people here. When I saw that nickname Alffe,it reminded me of that song around 1970,"What's it all about Alffe?" Well the spelling was a little different.

[Brokenfriend]

I wrote a message,and checked the spelling check,and I went to the pop up,and clicked on the temporary allow pop up, and my message disappeared. Has anyone else had that problem on this site? I don't feel like writing out what's hurting me again tonight. I'm tired of it. I'm alone,and no one around me wants to hear how I'm hurting,when I am trying to get some comfort. I don't know what to do. I've exausted everone's patience. I've had the fear/anxiety from my teenage years,and fear,and anxiety was a stigma of shame in which I've never recovered from,in my teenage years. I hear misdiagnosis from people who don't know what they are talking about,and I hear someone else repeating something about me that is not correct. This hurt's. Then they don't want to be confronted that they are wrong. So I guess that when I try to shed some light into my own condition,my explaination is not credible,after I have heard from my doctor what I have.The doctors cannot tell anyone what you have,and when you try to tell other people what it is,they say it's something else,and add their own little version of it. It's rarly told in a proper perspective,in the right way. I'm tired of that,I'm tired of the pain in my chest,I'm tired of turning on the TV,and hearing all of this heighten fear,and hype,and not getting any help from Social Security Disability. I'm frustrated because of the lack of politeness from people who are suppose to help you,if you can afford it. I've lost my insurence,and I'm running out of money. After 9/11 everything changed. It seems to be all business now,and people don't come first. People didn't use to know anything about mental,and emotional problems,and now that they do,the price of Medication,insurence,and hospital stays have risen beyond control,and there doesn't seem to be a thing that any of us can do about it. What do we do about it? We are people like everyone else,yet our problems are considered to be special problems,and cost even more. Because I have problems like this,I could only get e job that didn't pay very much,and when I got worse,and am not working,I loose my insurence. I paid that Cobra Insurence for awhile,but it was so high,I couldn't afford it,and had to drop it. I'm very frustrated. I could go on,but no one would want to read it probably. Please pray for me.

[Doody]

Hi Broken. You've been well taken care of here I see. Welcome to NeuroTalk. this is a very caring and supportive community. And yes, I'll say a prayer for you. You say one as well.