Yam...I read with sadness your post related to friends...how they seem not to want you in their lives...seemingly, based on your having PD...its changes...for you...and for them. I'm not too sure that I can really add anything more meaningful, here, than what others have already said...all so true. I think, though, that I would just like to offer this. I believe that it is times like this in our lives that we really have to examine and understand the real meaning of "friend"...to differentiate between "friend" and "acquaintance". I think that, in life, one is very fortunate to have even ONE "friend", i.e., one who is able to see far betond the surface...who is able to go into your heart, mind and soul to discover exactly who you are. It is true...people sometimes are unable to cope with what they encounter in another as a result of having PD...but, I still maintain that a "friend" will take the time...make the effort...to do what is necessary to cope...to better understand what's happening...and to want to be "there" for another...perhaps even more than ever simply BECAUSE the need is greater than ever to be a "true friend". If I were you, I would examine very closely all those who have made the choice to exclude you from their lives, and try to arrive at a decision as to whether or not these people EVER were good "friends" in the real sense of that word...and try to think of it as "their loss", not yours. You know the kind of person you are...apparently, they don't...and it is this, precisely, that renders them not deserving of the word "friend". As others here have said...you will have good friends, here, Yam. We may not be as tangible as those who have cast you aside, but we are "here" for you...understanding so well your need for real friendship. Just stay with us...you have found a very safe haven, here.

Therese

Greg..Sometimes I wonder if people disappear because they figure they will have to do things for us all the time?..Favors, etc

Steve,
I'm sure that being asked to do things for us all the time is a concern for some. I think jes123 hit the nail on the head. I am living breathing proof of his own mortality. It is the fear that if this could happen to me, then he too, is vulnerable. People tend to freak out when they are forced to see thier own mortality and realize that it could happen to them too.

GregD

Yes, that could very well be the case

Someone who will go that extra mile with you.
Someone who tries to understand,even if they find it hard.
One who will place your needs above their own,willingly,gladly,and without wanting "PAY BACK"
One who needs only to say "I am here and I care." and you know they mean it.
Someone who will spontaneously do something to brighten your day,however small.The thought and the desire to make you feel better is enough.
A person who having spent time with you,leaves you feeling better about yourself than at the start.
A friend is someone who you can share your innermost thoughts with...and know they will not turn away.
Someone who "hears" you.And I mean...really "hears" you.
A friend can share your hopes and fears,and level with you about the reality of them.
A friend is someone you can sit in silence with comfortably...and still feel as if you have had a terrific time together.
Someone who arrives at your home,and notices just one thing that they can do to help out,and actually walk the walk..not just talk the talk.

A friend is someone who is at the other end of a phone,but who can say truthfully..." I am busy right now but I will get back to you as soon as I can" and they do.And you can be reassured that they will.
A true friend will not make false excuses.They will not skirt the issue.
They won`t ever say anything to hurt you.Or if they inadvertantly do,they will put it right.
Someone who will spend time thinking of ways to build you up,but not falsely.
Someone who doesn`t keep a tab on all that they do for you.

A true friend is a stress free zone,a comforter,a place of warmth,of safety and is solid and dependable.
Someone who thinks nothing of giving up their favourite tv show/baseball match...in order to be by your side .

How many of us know these type of friends? How many of us can count on one hand this type of friend?

Yam...some friends are no more than ships which pass in the night.Others dock next to you and drop anchor.

I`d say there are quite a number of anchored ships,here on this forum.

x

Alot of the reason I don't see my former friends, is we no longer share the same interests. My life revolves around how my symtoms are on a day to day basis. I have made an effort to make new friends. I have met a Ukrainien woman who is depressed because she is having difficulty with the lanquage barrier. I rode my trycycle up to our library and got some mysteries written in Russian for her to read.

Almost everybody in the neighborhood recognizes me because I walk my yellow labrador, Buddy, several times a day. He is well behaived and walks well alongside my walker. It is amazing how many dog lovers are out there.

Love,
Vicky

I've never been good at making friends, and we don't socialize much, but there are still some people that I know I could call at 4:00 AM for help and they would be there. I guess that is about as true a friend as one could get, really.

At business meetings, if my hand (or body) doesn't behave itself, I just tell people politely that I have Parkinson's, and ask them to please try to ignore the hand. It usually works.

Well like Kris I have not been to good at making friends. I have always seemed too busy for the usual round of chit chat gatherings and have been too serious for most groups.

I enjoy a good conversation and am a good listener until I have the knowledge of the situation and then you will hear me out. lol

Small talk at work even used to irritate me, wonder why? as most folks seem to like it.

My writing skills have not been the best as well and the computer requiring typing drives me crazy. Guess most things drive me crazy lol lol lol

I have never ever trusted the luv ya, kissy kissy brand of talking and have seen many people taken in by it and sorry to find out that it was all just wind.

But the topic here is friends is it not and I have been a bad girl trying to talk about other things and not staying on topic.

If you die and 6 people attend your funeral all supposing to be a friend of yours then you are extemely lucky because if one indeed is your 'friend' then you are more lucky than most people.

I am a 'friend' to a lot of people I don't really have anything in common with yet they are my friend.

That is stupid you say well maybe not so stupid.

You see I don't put labels on the people I know. I am friends at one time or another and maybe on the other side of the fence at other times.

People are people and I was not born an identical twin so to accept people as they are is good for me. I don't think to ask someone to come and help me and have them say I can't is any indication of their not being my friend just that they are a lazy bum.

I probably know this as I probably have done the same thing to them once or twice.

I can't in any way perceive the future and what they will be to me tomorrow or the very next day and I don't worry about it. I don't think they do either lol

I know some will say here 'but she doesn't have Parkinsons' and no I don't but I have had problems of a physical nature all of my life and have seen the people who have used their problem to elicit a sort of communication opening and after being said over and over brings about a who the hell cares attitude and they will tend to bypass you if they see you coming.

So if you want a friend then tell them what your problem is and make it brief so as you had to do to live it then let them adjust slowly.

I am sure you personally and me as well have had somebody take you by the arm and yackedy yak for hours on what their problem is. It can even be far more serious than mine or yours and yet I grow impatient to end it.

I need to come here to see somedays if I can find a way of not thinking about myself and get interested in another human beings thoughts.

Thoughts about any subject interest me.

Even one about the friends I don't have and the friends I do have. The scales aren't balanced and maybe they shouldn't be as that leaves room for anothers thoughts.

Boy I do get carried away sometimes but my choices for expressing myself are running out.

Till the next time folks I bid you adieu


Note of interest to none but myself

Took a typing test a couple of days ago and got 58. Best I ever did. But you know it's not me it's the damned fingers. lol

some through embarrassment at what I have become.

Still, made some new friends (some on BT2) and arrived at the conclusion that wife / family are what matters most. Might not have seen what I had got where it not for PD, cliche I know but true.

Neil.

To me it seems that "friends" is a term that is used a little too freely because our language doesn't supply enough words for the different levels. I think it was Kris that mentioned the 4:00 AM test. To me that is the dearest friend, the one I could call at four in the morning from those terrible places such as the hospital, the morgue, or jail, and they would come. I have two or three of those and count myself lucky.

There are others who don't know me very well but who show genuine concern if they encounter me when I am "off" out in public in my small town. I count them because they would help if they could.

Then there are others here who listen and support. I guess to me the Act of Kindness is the marker of a friend to me. One invited to visit in his home for entirely too long. Made a long journey to meet me at the airport and was there in the crowd writhing with the worst dyskinesias you can imagine and holding a sign with my name on it because he had never laid eyes on me. I may never see him face to face again, but he is my friend.

Be kind at every opportunity. Especially when you are in pain because that is when it is most valuable.