Oh my, I hear you about the cooking. I am home all day and I still dread it. After 30 years i feel burned out on cooking, but there are still four other people here who expect to eat several times a day. It does seem to be a choice between eating unhealthfully and exhausting ourselves, there are so few easy, healthy options. Trying to navigate a vegetarian menu, where effort, frequent shopping, and creativity have to make up for the easy "slab o'meat " that my guys prefer, makes it even harder. Almost everything vegetarian is better prepared on the spot, except for soups and stews. You probably need your weekends to rest as much as possible. Do pasta dishes work well for your family?

I think I hate food shopping even more than cooking. That, at least, I am able to push off on the guys if I am organized about it.

Hi Choas. I can not put myself in your shoes, except for the wrists issue. Mine have gotten so bad as of late that I can not work at the moment. I luckily have wonderful support from my family. It really sounds like communication is the key for you. (as it is with most relationship issues.) Even with the wonderful support I recieve, I often find it hard to communicate with my partner about what is going on with me. It's no fun to talk about depressing pain, or fears, or anxiety, or any number of the negatives those with chronic pain face daily. When I feel myself getting to the breaking point, I write a letter. I am too emotional by this point to even remember all the things I would want to say, let alone express appropriately. If nothing else the weight of carrying that burden is lifted. Perhaps this advice can assist you.
If you are the only one with income, do you not control the video game options in the household? Cutting off the internet, removing the gaming system? If your Husband can't tear himself away from his game to offer you respect, is that the same care he provides for your daughter? (from the gamers I've known - they do not change behavior from the game no matter the person requesting attention.)
You sound like you have all the power to change your relationship, but relinquish it all willingly. It sounds like there maybe more to your story history of abuse/self esteem issues? Perhaps if you can not convince him to go to couples therapy, you may still find a benefit from individualized therapy (even if there isn't more to your story).
One last tip, a friend of mine doesn't do a lot of cooking herself. Instead she orders pre-prepared meals that are frozen and then she just heats them in the oven each night. They're not like pre-packaged, & full of preservatives frozen tv dinners, they are more like some grandma's catering business freezes family meals tht you eat within the week. Perhaps something like this would come in helpful, even if it's only for a few nights a week on those nights you just can't find the strength to make dinner.
If all else fails, start feeding them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when you ask for help and he doesn't. If you ask for help, he declines and then you complete the task anyway, you are reinforcing the belief that you didn't really need the help in the first place. (Even though we both know mom's will hurt themselves first to provide for others.)

I was the care giver for my wife who had Alzheimer's for about five years. At times I lost my composure and got cranky. Oh how I wish that I could relive those moments and change my attitude. She passed away two weeks ago. Would he like to swap situations? My only consolation w2as that we were married 66 years..............Woody

I am so sorry about your wife. I am sure she felt so blessed to have your care for so long.

I'm so sorry about your wife. 66 years is a long time. You two were lucky to have each other!

I really don't know what he'd say if I asked him if he'd trade places with me. He'd probably say something like that he'd be able to heal himself by now, or something just as horrible and insensitive. He had his first migraine about a year ago, after seeing me suffer for years, but it's a really good question to ask him.

hi maybe try showing him that cooking can be fun together and ask what he would like to cook or what would be fun to make just suggestions
My wife usually cooks sides and I make or try to make main course if i can..this usually works out well

Hi. you wrote: "He's an "energy healer" and every time he touches me to "heal" me he hurts me. For example, I ask him to rub my feet and instead of just lightly rubbing them he starts yanking on them and twisting my foot around even though I explain it over and over. He never actually does reiki on me."

He's hurting you, plain and simple (and please people, don't gang up on me). I'm not talking about a guy simply ignoring his wife. I'm talking about a man who is NOT LISTENING to her simple requests. Who is a Stay At Home Dad but yet will not help her when she needs him to be there for her (and for their daughter). He plays video games (that speaks volumes).

He's addicted to gaming. I am not trying to hurt you. Please know this. I'm trying to possibly help you save your life. If you have enough money to sustain you and your daughter, then by all means do whatever you need to do to have PEACE in your life. This stress will kill you. And believe me, what's happening right now is adding stress and that alone will cause you more pain.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know if you have any other family (what about his family, does he have any?)

It's good that you have a job and it's even better that you are coming into a bit of money. You know what you need to do (either now, or eventually).

Keep posting. We care.

Melody

I don't believe that someone that does not have pn can relate in any way at all. Not just pn but disease, death or anything one has never experienced, they can not relate. They can empathize. They can try to understand but how can one relate to something they have never experienced???

I am very thankful my husband trys to understand and empathize for my pain but the reality is, he can never understand what it feels like, to burn from the inside out, but I appreciate that he trys.

My solace comes from knowing the One who DOES know everything that I go through, my Lord. I couldn't go through life without my faith.

I pray for you and all of us that endure this.

Thanks ladies. He goes back and forth. I think once we get through this summer, as there is all that legal stuff we're dealing with, things will be easier for me to deal with. If anything just to be able to focus on us, and not the other crap we're dealing with.

I'll just keep coming here. It's a nice place to wrap my head around things before bringing them to him.

And then <shocking> he finally admitted to me the other night that he needs somebody to talk to about all this that's going on. Finally! That's a huge step.

Woody:

So sorry for your loss.

Melody