I read the Spoon Theory from start to finish. It made me close to tears. It describes how we all deal on a daily basis. I say that I accept my condition but in my hearts of heart, I know that I have not. I know that total acceptance is crucial in taking the steps to manage chronic conditions. Just when I though I have accepted, the thought of me being healthy --- making major decisions for a multinational company, traveling from 1 country to another, planning for more productive years and not worrying of simple daily activities --- will take me few steps back. I had accepted though that i could no longer wear stiletto shoes, which I love too much; i could no longer wear tight jeans or signature dresses because it bothers my skin, but mostly, I feel my medical conditions have robbed me of the person i used to be or the kind of person I still want to be. Retirement from work has never been in my plans, but it happened. Now, the pain loses my interest to dress up. How can you be encouraged to dress well when your skin is firing up with the touch of the cloth and you cannot stand too long or you cannot breath properly? What upsets me is the fact that why is there no medication to this pain or why cant there be no cause to it???

I am trying not to air out my sentiments here. I keep my emotions within the corners of our home but holidays makes me more frustrated for not being able to do more. Its going to be my birthday on Christmas day and i pray everyday that He gives me the gift of healing. Being Catholic, I hold on to my faith and so far, its the one that keeps me going and of course my husband as well.