Dear hopeful, the long post was marvelous!

I did see one thing interesting, you worked as a nurse. You ARE a nurse, and your entire purpose in life has been to help others.

My husband has 9 sisters, and six are nurses. I have found that nurses do not accept their own illnesses/conditions well at all. Nor those of their own family.

Illness and conditions are for other people.

No one accepts chronic illness easily, but I think that people with a strong bent towards independence and helping others have the hardest time. Somewhere inside we secretly or not so secretly feel that we can 'make things happen.'

The biggest hindrance to our peaceful acceptance of life as it IS, is our own STRONG WILL. Our strong wills have gotten us so far in life, but now they are making us crazy.

We need to use our strong wills in places they will help, but we need to seriously sit them down and have a long talk about SHUTTING UP now and then.

I'm glad to see that you are taking medications that will help you, hopeful. They aren't supplements, they are essential medications to address your conditions.

I became allergic to Tramadol, and to all codeine products. So I must address pain with Cymbalta and Aleve, and occasionally Tylenol. It isn't easy, is it?

I have learned relaxation and meditation techniques for pain management, as well. And ABOVE ALL, I now focus on accepting myself, loving myself and my body which is doing the best it can.

This is a great book: How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers Toni Bernhard

It isn't religious or preachy, just a very good set of principles for self understanding and acceptance.

Our conditions are NOT moral issues, hopeful. They are what they ARE. We didn't ask for them, we are more than our conditions, and we can transcend them best with acceptance.

Hugs, Elaine